Knowing what you know now would you still have children / number of children you have?

[Boredatwork1234]

I’m going to start this as I love my two DC and I can’t imagine life without them. We are doing that typical should we go for a third etc but leaning more towards not using the phrase quality over quantity.

Speaking to a dad the other day, he said if he knew everything he knew now he wouldn’t have had a third he would have stuck at 2.

But flip side I know a dad with 1 child and he said he would have starting having children earlier (late 20s) as they waited till late 30s and would have liked 2 children.

We can’t change the past but just wondering what would you do now with todays knowledge? Would you change anything? What would you say to your younger self?

We had a wobble and considered a third but always been so glad we didn’t. We could afford to educate two privately but couldn’t have done three and travelling with two is massively easier. I do sometimes wonder if I should have had any but it’s impossible to imagine the alternative life (love them to bits but I feel like I’ve spent most of my adult life focusing on others).

I haven't had any - and I don't regret it one bit. I fostered for 6 years and whilst you obviously care for the kids and its rewarding (and massively challenging!), my maternal side never emerged, so I guess I was never meant to be a mum. Plus, climate change, cost of living, thinking of the future etc etc - you can learn to adapt when you only have to think of yourself, but when kids are in the picture too I expect it's a whole different ball game.

No lynching from me @beanii - I suspect a lot of woman secretly feel like that. I guess all we can do is try to make the most of it now, before it's too late.

Financially crippled since having a third child. Had to go back to work when baby was 10 weeks and reduce to 30 hours due to childcare. Also have no days off with my husband as we both work 4 day weeks on opposite days as we can’t afford more childcare.

I love my baby with all my heart but my life is much harder now.

@beanii no lynching from me! Yours is a really important post- I am constantly telling my dd that you should only have babies if YOU want them-it's so hard to resist the pressure to have them for someone else.

@YaWeeFurryBastard I think you should learn the difference between "expressing an opinion" and "lecturing". It might save you unnecessary anger.

I’m well aware of the difference thanks 😂 do you need to borrow my dictionary?

@SquirrelFan - this is exactly how I feel but feel it can never usually be expressed.

My marriage didn’t survive

tescocreditcard
I would never have brought any of my 3 kids into the world if I'd known about climate change

No such thing.

Look how they're discovering articles on newly defrosted ice - that tells you that it wasn't previously frozen, then froze and now warming again - it's a cyclical planet.

It's hastening at such an unnatural speed, because of our impact on the planet. Isn't that so?

I’m an only child and always insisted I’d have more than one. Looking back to my own childhood, I was really happy, had lots of friends, lived in a nice area, was able to invite friends away with me (rather than have to ‘put up with’ a sibling!) and I’ve grown up always being quite happy with my own company. But I always yearned for a sibling.

Anyway, I have 2 girls (15 and 18) and they get on OK ish, I just wish they knew how lucky they are to have each other. When I used to berate them for not getting on, they’d always reply with ‘you don’t understand’, and they’re right! As I get older and are dealing with older parents, alone, I really wish I had a sibling to share it with (not the ‘burden’ as such, but being able to talk to someone else who is also going through what I’m going through).

I wouldn’t change anything, I have a great relationship with both of them, in different ways and they’re such good company. I’m not sure what we’d do without them. They don’t ask for much but they’re still bloody expensive and I’m always running them here, there and everywhere but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Eldest has deferred uni until next year which means we potentially will have a year of both of them being there at the same time! Not sure how we’ll manage that financially.

As they get older, I’m finding it more emotionally draining than anything else. Friendships, relationships, mental health and general health issues… I’m constantly worrying about them and wonder if that will ever ease off.

But I’m happy (and very lucky) with my lot.

If I could go back, I probably would choose not to have had any. Both my teen kids are neurodiverse, one developed a life long health condition requiring daily monitoring in the last year, the other is severely anxious and we've been through hell with self harm, suicidal ideation, school avoidance etc. I am 54 and will likely have to work another 10+ years to pay off mortgage and ensure kids are setup for the future.
The stress of bringing up our lovely but very complicated children has royally messed up the relationship with my husband as well but we remain together hanging on by thy skin of our teeth.
If I hadn't had kids I'd probably be debt free and retired by now. I do love them and I fight for them every day but its fucking hard and so exhausting.
Probably not the kind of answer the OP was looking for. 😄

I wouldn't change a thing.
I've raised 3 to adulthood and am immensely proud of them all. Of course it's been hard work at times but 100% the right decision for us.

Loved having 1, it's much harder having 2. But we love having 2 and they both bring something completely different to the family, it's lovely.

We had a lovely life before the kids but I prefer it now even if it's messier, louder & more complex.

I'd never have another & couldn't be without our 2.

Two has been difficult at times but wonderful overall, I think (I know) we'd struggle with anymore & I think the hard times would out weigh the good for us personally.

Bottom line, wouldn't change a thing.

I've got three. Wouldn't change a thing, but wouldn't have another if you paid me!

I don't think it's money necessarily, but time.

My three are all quite young (3, 6 and 8) and I feel very stretched and never get a minute to myself. We don't really have enough money either probably but it's the time that I find harder than the making ends meet.

@tescocreditcard I have to say I’m wondering what kind of world my dcs will end up living in.

I probably wouldn’t have had children.
i didn’t realise the cost on ME, not DH, that having children would have. A career that disappeared, financially in a really bad position and the impossibility to be ME but always mum first and foremost.

Now I wouldn’t have had it any other way. They were my dcs and they deserved that someone put them first.
But it has been relentless.
And the cost much bigger than I anticipated.

Also I didn’t realise/ignored the pressure I was under to have children and somehow follow the ‘normal’ routine if marrying and having children.
I gave into that. I have often wondered if, with the benefit of hindsight, I’d have taken the same decisions.

Tricky one.
I have 6 and although I wouldn't change having them. I didn't fully understand how much harder it gets as the get older.
When they were all little it was a walk in the park compared to teenage/young adult time and I don't think I've had to deal with anything truly terrible (yet!).

I have made a lot of sacrifices in my own life though. My main focus is them. I don't have a career (my choice I know) im lucky that financially I don't need to bring money in but I do feel like I lost quite a lot of me.

I have one and I don't regret not having any more.

I have three. Was told I couldn’t have any when I was 24. Relationship ended & then a bew one began at age 30. We had a miscarriage but we’re told this was a good sign, so we tried again and the rest is history. I had my last one age 40. I don’t think I’d change it. It meant that by the time I had my first at 34 I was done with going out, drinking, etc. and ready for settling down. As soon as DC1 was born I knew I wanted another, same again after DC2. After DC3, I knew I was done. I have no regrets DC-wise, just wish I not invested so much in my career for 10 years before first baby. It has counted for nothing. I’m basically back at the beginning now, on a new career path earning the same as I did when I was 24. So if I could I’d go back and tell myself anything it’s that you should work to live, not live to work.

Fuck no and will highly recommended anyone considering having any, not too.

Never had any, absolutely no regrets!

Two is fine for us. Toyed with the idea of a third briefly.
Both DC at secondary now. And getting expensive. I was mid to late 20s, DH was mid 40s when we had them.

So they have both the advantages and disadvantages of having an older parent these days.

DH is around more now, but we have less income than when they were younger. I am around more too, but they definitely need just as much input as teens as little kids do.

I am glad they will have each other too. Both DH and I have brothers, both of whom have been a blessing to us and our parents. And DH and I get on much better with our brothers than we did as children!

No guarantees in life, but certainly no regrets over the number of children we had.