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Original poster

Knowing what you know now would you still have children / number of children you have?

219 replies

Boredatwork1234 · 29/09/2023 10:28

I’m going to start this as I love my two DC and I can’t imagine life without them. We are doing that typical should we go for a third etc but leaning more towards not using the phrase quality over quantity.

Speaking to a dad the other day, he said if he knew everything he knew now he wouldn’t have had a third he would have stuck at 2.

But flip side I know a dad with 1 child and he said he would have starting having children earlier (late 20s) as they waited till late 30s and would have liked 2 children.

We can’t change the past but just wondering what would you do now with todays knowledge? Would you change anything? What would you say to your younger self?

OP posts:
RomeoRivers · 29/09/2023 17:05

My dad is one of 6 and I am the eldest of 5. I LOVE having a big family and always wanted to replicate that for my own children.

I had 3 miscarriages before DD(3) and DS(1) arrived, so that has reduced our goal down to 4. We will be trying for DC number 3 in January and I can’t wait!

When I was younger I was eager to be a young mum, but life dictated that at had my 1st at 30. Now I am really grateful that it worked out that way and would advise others to wait until then too. The joy of starting at 30 is that I got to enjoy my youth: partying, holidays with friends, no responsibilities etc, so now I don’t feel like I am missing out on anything. I would also advise not starting after 35 because of potential fertility issues.

I am also aware that we are in a privileged position of having family help and the resources to accommodate and afford a large family. I also have a particularly wonderful DH.

superplumb · 29/09/2023 17:09

I have two. Not sure I'd have them again. Both under 10 and are sen. It's horrific daily.

Beezknees · 29/09/2023 17:23

Wouldn't change a thing. I have one child. Never wanted any more. One is perfect for me.

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Feralgremlin · 29/09/2023 17:53

Edit: was meant to quote the poster who had their child at 16!

I feel this! I’ve only got one, had him just after turning 20, he is starting secondary school next year whilst most of my friends are only just starting to discuss the possibility of having children. I feel at such a different stage of life to most of my friends and it can be really lonely, but I wouldn’t change it for the world and I’m quite looking forward to having more freedom in my 40s!

If given the chance, the only things I’d do differently are to have enjoyed my pregnancy more and breastfed for longer, but that’s it!

BeanyBops · 29/09/2023 18:10

I wish I was a different sort of person/mum who could have had 3 or even 4 kids and enjoyed it.

However realised within a few days of my first that 1 was more than enough for me, and now 3.5 years later I'm yet to feel like I have capacity for a 2nd. I also never think 'I'd really like a second' - if it does come up its only ever 'I wish I could birth DD1 a best friend for life' i. E. The ideal sibling.

Peacendkindness · 29/09/2023 18:13

Boredatwork1234 · 29/09/2023 10:28

I’m going to start this as I love my two DC and I can’t imagine life without them. We are doing that typical should we go for a third etc but leaning more towards not using the phrase quality over quantity.

Speaking to a dad the other day, he said if he knew everything he knew now he wouldn’t have had a third he would have stuck at 2.

But flip side I know a dad with 1 child and he said he would have starting having children earlier (late 20s) as they waited till late 30s and would have liked 2 children.

We can’t change the past but just wondering what would you do now with todays knowledge? Would you change anything? What would you say to your younger self?

If I had met someone in my 20s with the knowledge I have now - I would have married them in my early 20s and had 3-5 children with them.

As it was I was really messed up and was involved in toxic messes - had a baby on my own on 35 and then married a total mess and had another baby at 41. I love them and I’m a single parent and have been for 9 years but I wish I had my babies at 25 and married and had more.

HorribleHisTories15 · 29/09/2023 18:29

PattyDuckface · 29/09/2023 11:26

I would have had started earlier and had 4 or 5
Started late and had 2

Didn't understand how great it was to have kids because I thought it wasn't feminist. How stupid was I, I just made a load of other people rich in my 20's by working like a maniac for them.

Being a Mum and seeing these individual people emerge from those cute little babies is one of the best things in the world.

Mad fun being in a big family I think.

Exactly @PattyDuckface . Too many women think that having children or more than X number makes them anti-feminist. Sadly it is the other side of the same sword.

Katieweasel · 29/09/2023 18:40

I was very happy with just one and then they moved to the other side of the world to study aged 16. I'm not expecting him to return to the UK to live. This makes me very sad and I now regret not having another.

Angrycat2768 · 29/09/2023 18:43

I wanted 3, still would want 3. DH wanted 2 so we have 2. Its too late now. There is a deep, dark part of my soul that will never get over it.

Tryingmybestadhd · 29/09/2023 18:45

I would have had a 4 th if I could change anything . I’m now 41 and nit sure I can have a 4th . I had my fist very early at 19 but my last 2 within 5 years , I would have loved to have another one .
I would t have more than 4 as it would stretch us financially and we do enjoy taking the kids on holidays abroad and being able to go out with them .

swissrollisntswiss · 29/09/2023 18:48

We planned one and thought we were done but then we had a surprise second. We’re both so happy it happened now and wouldn’t change a thing. Two is definitely enough for us though.

paddlinglikecrazy · 29/09/2023 19:02

I’m happy with my two. For a short time we thought we might stick with just one ( we found the baby stage really tough ) so glad we had two though now. I enjoy the school age kids much more than I did baby/toddler stage.
I’m glad we had them in our 30’s & travelled a fair bit before they came along.
still love our travels with the kids now too & it’s more fun the older they get.
wouldn’t change a thing.

FeltPenThief · 29/09/2023 19:03

I didn't really think about having children, following the crowd as friends got pregnant.

Now, looking back, I wouldn't have any.

Mary46 · 29/09/2023 19:06

Two here. Bit easier now they older. Childcare doesnt pay you to work if u have few kids

PurpleStar22 · 29/09/2023 19:10

I’d have started earlier and had more. We have 1 DS and I love him to pieces. I wish he had a sibling though. He’s 11 now and I think too old for a sibling, and my health wouldn’t sustain a pregnancy now. We’d said we’d wait til he was 4 to have another one, but things had changed by then so I’d have had another straight away if I could do it again

RumbleMum · 29/09/2023 19:20

I had two and that was perfect for me. I wouldn’t have been able to cope physically or mentally with another.

OTOH, a friend with three just lost her youngest and she’s profoundly grateful she chose to have that many, as there isn’t a single sibling left behind. It has made me think a bit.

Original poster
Boredatwork1234 · 29/09/2023 19:43

beanii · 29/09/2023 14:49

I'm going to be that awful, horrible mother - I never wanted children but felt pressured to do so in a toxic marriage so have 3 (19, 17 & 15) - absolutely love them to bits BUT being honest if I was doing it again, I'd stick to what I wanted.

Don't lynch me for being truthful.

No lynching from me at all! Hind sight is a wonderful thing and i think it’s nice for people to be open and honest at times

OP posts:
gotomomo · 29/09/2023 19:44

Have 2, kind of wish I had more but I let my head rule

madamsapple · 29/09/2023 19:51

I had 4. And now that the youngest has flown the nest, I wish I'd had at least 2 more!

MariePaperRoses · 29/09/2023 19:53

I have two and wish I had tried for another.

I was complacent after having a boy and then a girl. Another one would have been lovely.

I do however have three wonderful stepchildren to make up for it.

SnowflakeCity · 29/09/2023 19:54

I'm 37 with 2 teens and wouldn't change a thing. They are awesome young people and a joy to parent. I'm equally looking forward to my 40s and having less responsibilities and more money!

fuckssaaaaake · 29/09/2023 20:40

Bloody hell. They can be a nightmare but wouldn't ever change it/them. I hope the earth is still in tact when they're older but in terms of them and our family, no regrets

fuckssaaaaake · 29/09/2023 20:46

MrsAlgernon · 29/09/2023 11:03

Living in UK where friendships are so seasonal and fragile, weak sense of community , my DH's wonderful family sticking through thick and thin and it just made me realise how important flesh and blood is. My kids are a dream, loved parenting, bonding with other mums/playgrounds/groups
and that strongly makes me want to add one more even though my older ones are in their teens and my youngest is in tweens already. I do struggle with juggling/multi-tasking and some plates have been dropped at times, but I don't want life any other way at all.

Sorry you found somewhere in uk that sounds shit. It's not like that everywhere here

Starseeking · 29/09/2023 20:49

I would have prioritised meeting a life partner while at uni, got married around 30 and started having DC earlier so that I could have had the 4-6 DC I always dreamed of.

tescocreditcard · 29/09/2023 20:50

Interesting that so many women wish they had started earlier.