Knowing what you know now would you still have children / number of children you have?

[Boredatwork1234]

I’m going to start this as I love my two DC and I can’t imagine life without them. We are doing that typical should we go for a third etc but leaning more towards not using the phrase quality over quantity.

Speaking to a dad the other day, he said if he knew everything he knew now he wouldn’t have had a third he would have stuck at 2.

But flip side I know a dad with 1 child and he said he would have starting having children earlier (late 20s) as they waited till late 30s and would have liked 2 children.

We can’t change the past but just wondering what would you do now with todays knowledge? Would you change anything? What would you say to your younger self?

Sometimes I think about a third baby because I love babies and toddlers but I cannot ever imagine how I would cope with another, how they would fit into our family dynamic as a child and the general stress it would bring. I love my two kids so much and have never regretted having them. What I will say though, is that I definitely underestimated how hard two would be as both of mine are very...spirited and can be really challenging.

I would have no children or stopped at one.

I have 2 but wish I'd stuck with my original decision to have none.
They're great kids and can't really imagine life without them now, but both me and DP agree we'd have been happier with none.

I'm an older mum and it's really taken a toll on me having less than a 2yr age gap between them and they're still both very young.

I have 2 and I wouldn't change that. I had them late 30s/early 40s and I would have had the both early 30s if I had my time again, and a 2.5-3 yr gap instead of 3y10m gap.

I'd not have had any and would wish every parent on the planet to have no more than one. Global population at nearly 8 billion infinitely compounds all the biodiversity collapse and climate change horrors we are all experiencing with greater frequency

If I had known then what I know now I would not have had children. I didn’t realise the future would be so bleak. I have five adult sons, one with ASD, and two granddaughters. I worry about climate change, about the possibility of nuclear war with a dangerous megalomaniac in Russia and another in North Korea. I worry because we’re just not acting fast enough on climate change, and that people don’t seem to care. Rishi u turning on environmental issues just because he wants to win an election. Right wing media backing him and people being led to believe that migrants are causing all our problems when it’s a greedy, money hoarding elite doing it. And let’s not forget oil reserves won’t last for much longer. So I worry. Every time someone has a baby I wonder if they have thought about how the world will look in fifty years. Especially those who drive big gas guzzling cars and trucks. It may sound depressing but it’s the reality.

Yes. But I would have done things differently. Probably had kids earlier.

I had mine at a similar time but the opposite has happened to me professionally. Have paid a terrible maternity price. Which is why I'd do it earlier before I had so much to lose

My dc are the best thing in my life. I have a career, friends, family, dh but my dc are still what makes me the most happiest (and saddest, angriest, all emotions probably)
If I'd known how much theyd add to my life, I'd have railroaded dh into having them earlier.

I feel so, so fortunate to have 2 healthy, beautiful DCS but honestly, I had absolutely no idea what I was going in to. Especially when our 2nd came along - the dynamic has absolutely turned my world upside down! Do I regret having 2 Dcs? No, not at all. Do I wish I had them earlier? Yes, do I wish the age gap was smaller, again yes.
I would definitely have had a 3rd, maybe even 4th, if my 2nd wasn't as challenging and I wasn't nearing 40!

Gosh yes - I have two late teens and adore them.

I would have stuck at 2. I had my 3 fairly close together 35 months between eldest and youngest. Everything was good until secondary school years.

I was giing through a difficult protracted divorce from their father. He stopped being a parent - just stopped all contact.

My DCs went through huge psychological distress at being rejected.

Their teenage years was overshadowed by their grief and dealing with being abandoned.

I felt hugely under resourced trying to meet all their needs.

Much of my time and money was spent getting them to counselling and therapy appointments.

Having 3 children made it extremely tough, plus working full time.

Yes, I loved them very much, wouldn't be without them etc, but if I knew what was coming re:marriage breakdown etc I would have had only 2.

I'm not sure I would have had DD1 if I'd known that she was going to be autistic. Her needs rule our lives and I'm exhausted due to her anxieties and lack and sleep.
I love her but my goodness she's difficult sometimes.

I wouldn't have had any kids if I could repeat my life.

100%

I have 3. My life would probably be a lot easier without my 3rd. He wasn’t an easy baby and is still a very ‘high needs’ toddler but I’d never be without any of them.

Overall I love having 3, I like the dynamic between all of them. Having 2 siblings each there is always someone to play with and it’s a less intense relationship than 1 sibling. My older 2 (4 and 6) are lovely with their brother.

I wouldn't have had any if I go go back.

It's a terrible thing to say, and on the whole they are fine and considerate and responsible teenagers (and were lovely as young children), my youngest is perhaps spoilt but that is my fault. Single parenthood and things not turning out as expected I think.

Life would have been a lot simpler with 2, but I loved parenting my 3 small children. It was when they grew up to be teens and young adults that parenting became extremely difficult and stressful.

I would never not want my kids, but if I’d known how hard parenting becomes, I might have given more thought to becoming a parent at all.

DH and I had this conversation last night and agree that we’d never think people who decided to be child free were making a wrong decision.

You have 5 children, you are in no position to lecture anyone 😂 have you passed this message on to your children who are now procreating?

ODFOD @YaWeeFurryBastard

@MrsSlocombesCat is just answering the question, thats all.

Would have loved 3, but stopped at 2. Mainly because it didn't feel there was anyone missing anymore.

Im glad we stopped when we did, as much as I adore my mythical 3rd son (in my head he's much better behaved than the others).

Knowing what I know now, id have made the same decision all over again.

.

Probably a bit different because I decided quite young to not have children at all. I did have fleeting moments of worry over the years that it was the wrong decision but, now in my 40s and knowing what I know now, I’m 100% happy with that choice.

Yes. I understand there's a certain irony in a mother of five talking about environmental issues, but mrsslocombe addresses and explains that in her first sentences.

No sorry, I won’t fuck off. Are you actually going to add anything intelligent or just sling silly insults?

I’m thoroughly fed up of being lectured on how irresponsible it is to have children given the state of the world by people who’ve already had and enjoyed theirs. These people think they are so clever and wise and know better than everyone else but all they are doing is alienating people of my generation and driving them further from the cause.

There have always been colossal problems in the world and people have always “feared for the future”, see the Cold War/nuclear threat/terrorism etc etc.

I will absolutely do as much as I can to help stop climate change, but it’s ridiculous to attempt to deny my generation the joy of having their own kids and particularly coming from people who’ve had more than two themselves!

I'm going to be that awful, horrible mother - I never wanted children but felt pressured to do so in a toxic marriage so have 3 (19, 17 & 15) - absolutely love them to bits BUT being honest if I was doing it again, I'd stick to what I wanted.

Don't lynch me for being truthful.