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Original poster

Knowing what you know now would you still have children / number of children you have?

219 replies

Boredatwork1234 · 29/09/2023 10:28

I’m going to start this as I love my two DC and I can’t imagine life without them. We are doing that typical should we go for a third etc but leaning more towards not using the phrase quality over quantity.

Speaking to a dad the other day, he said if he knew everything he knew now he wouldn’t have had a third he would have stuck at 2.

But flip side I know a dad with 1 child and he said he would have starting having children earlier (late 20s) as they waited till late 30s and would have liked 2 children.

We can’t change the past but just wondering what would you do now with todays knowledge? Would you change anything? What would you say to your younger self?

OP posts:
LittlePlumTree · 29/09/2023 10:34

Absolutely not. I would have had no children.

mindutopia · 29/09/2023 10:35

I wouldn't change anything. Very happy with my 2. Very happy we had them when we did (early to late 30s). Very happy with how life has turned out since. Obviously, life is always stressful and busy and overwhelming, but we've both made huge professional gains since becoming parents, our financial situation is vastly different from when we had our first, we love where we life. We had loads of fun in our 20s before settling down, so don't feel like we're missing out now. I can't think of anything I wish I'd done differently, no.

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/09/2023 10:35

Ask me in April when I've had my second. 😂

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PerfectMatch · 29/09/2023 10:37

I have three. I'm not sure. They are all fab but I'm finding three teens full on! Would definitely be easier if we'd stopped at two.

reabies · 29/09/2023 10:37

Mine is only a toddler still so I've got years of ups and downs ahead of me yet, but yes, knowing what I know now I would definitely still have had my baby, and like the second dad you spoke to I wish I had started a bit earlier. I am surprised with just how much I love being a mum, and most of the stuff that comes with it. Enjoy soft play, parks, stupid toys, cartoons. Maybe I never grew up. I thinking about number 2 now and hoping we're able to have one, and hoping I keep enjoying it.

notanothernamechange12 · 29/09/2023 10:39

It's hard my eldest is 4 and youngest 7 months and it's the worst time of my life. Ask me in a year. I'm at the hardest ever stage with my four year old, way harder than toddler years and baby days

TooOldForThisNonsense · 29/09/2023 10:39

I used to want 3 but when the second was about a year old it was like someone flicked a switch and I knew I was done. I know I would have adored a third of we had had one but life is easier with 2 I feel.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 29/09/2023 10:42

We have three and I would have three again if offered a do-over. Would have started at 30 rather than 32, ideally, and last baby by 34/35. But no big changes. I love, love love parenting and am glad we have houseful of kids. (They’re ages 3-9 at the moment).

Abfab63 · 29/09/2023 10:44

Wish I'd have waited longer before having my second. Which is why I used to say I'd have a third so I could really soak up the last baby.

Right now (two under three) there is no way on gods green earth I'd have a third. I think I'd be making me life hard and in all honesty would regret it every day 😬

caringcarer · 29/09/2023 10:44

I've got 3 and I wouldn't change a thing.

Pleaseme · 29/09/2023 10:45

We went for a 3rd and had twins! I love them and they are amazing but incredibly expensive, needed a bigger car, they didn’t sleep at the same time so I spent two years in a sleep deprived haze, waved goodbye to my career, got divorced. Now they are all older and wonderful but my life would be very different if we’d stopped at 2.

ConsistentlyPeeved · 29/09/2023 10:50

I had 2 and there's no way I'd now have a third.
Mine are 8 and 9, 13 months apart and it was hell on Earth having 2 under 2.
To be honest it was like having two under 1 as the eldest had had their birthday about 3 weeks before the second came.
I like my life now: it's easier and I have more time for myself.

HippeePrincess · 29/09/2023 10:52

I’d have chosen my partner more carefully, probably would have waited till I was 27 and had two, as it happens I started over so I have dc12, dc9 withexH and dc8months with dp.
If you’d asked me pre dp when I was lone parenting two age 3 and newborn I’d have said I wish I hadn’t had any all at. Now I wish I’d had them later with a proper partner !

Babyroobs · 29/09/2023 10:53

Probably not. I have four and whilst I love them all dearly and they have not caused me any problems in terms of behaviour or anything, it is the cost which is eyewatering. I am mid fifties, been working for almost 40 years and just want to semi-retire but can't due to ongoing costs of kids ( Uni mainly ) and not having been able to save much into pensions etc due to the costs of raising them. If I had my time again I would have stopped at 2 !

Luxembourgmama · 29/09/2023 10:56

I'd have started earlier and had more. I have 2 and they are so divine.

DyslexicPoster · 29/09/2023 10:58

I have four and I wouldn't change that. Two have an inherited condition and if I had known sooner I would have pdg ivf. But I can't imagine life without them.and wouldn't wish them away. But if I had never had kids I wouldn't have known them either.

I have never once ever thought 4 was too many. It's very personal. I respect all opinions on peoples own choices. One of the mums at school seems to hate most aspects of being a mum and can't get me at all. I think once they hit 18 you realise having children is a blink and very soon gone.

MrsAlgernon · 29/09/2023 11:03

Living in UK where friendships are so seasonal and fragile, weak sense of community , my DH's wonderful family sticking through thick and thin and it just made me realise how important flesh and blood is. My kids are a dream, loved parenting, bonding with other mums/playgrounds/groups
and that strongly makes me want to add one more even though my older ones are in their teens and my youngest is in tweens already. I do struggle with juggling/multi-tasking and some plates have been dropped at times, but I don't want life any other way at all.

poorbuthappy · 29/09/2023 11:03

Have 3. Wouldn't have had any.

smilesup · 29/09/2023 11:04

It's unbelievably expensive having three when they are teens. And now we are expected to pay towards uni costs, and helping them learn to drive and apparently buying a house.
We are middle income earners and it is breaking us. They also eat so much (all heavily into sport, very tall and thin - we found out according to the NHS calculator the eldest is meant to eat 5000 calories a day, because of his age, height and extreme training second one 4000 and the last 3000 plus our 2000 each it's the equivalent of feeding 8 adults.
Clothes are so expensive. School shoes alone cost £50 each and they also do 3 types of sport each with different footwear. Holidays we are paying for 5 adults who eat fuck loads .
They are lovely but all require input into stuff, relationship joys, educational choices it's a lot.

PangramAddict · 29/09/2023 11:06

I wish I had been able to start earlier but medical problems meant dc1 came two years after we thought we'd have our first. I was very "one and done" but eventually decided to try for a second.
Dc2 is an incredibly difficult character and I often feel sad for the life we'd have had if we had stuck at one.
However, when it's good it's great and I often feel sad we didn't go for a third. We would not have been able to cope though so it's very mixed thoughts!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/09/2023 11:07

Have 2 - very happy with the number- maybe when I’m old id wish for 5 adult children round me, but in reality that would be hell.

MissDollyMix · 29/09/2023 11:08

We have 2 but not by choice - we desperately wanted a third but it wasn't to be (secondary infertility). For a long time I was devastated but a few years down the line I'm hugely relieved we only had 2. I mean, sure, if we'd had the third he or she would have been very loved but with the 2 we have our life is so much easier than my friends who have 3. Cheaper too ;-) It's true what they say about older children needing as much attention as little ones. Now my DC are teenagers (or acting like teenagers!) I'm finding parenting requires a lot of mental agility and anguish. The thought of managing that with 3 would be daunting!

Hummingbird233 · 29/09/2023 11:10

We have three under 7. And it really depends what day you ask.

I find parenting very difficult but id never be without them. They give me a lot of love and joy (and stress).

On balance, yes, I think I'd still have three. They compliment each other nicely and they play with each other a lot. And the stress is easing as they get older and more independent.

Ladyj84 · 29/09/2023 11:12

If life wasn't hard financially I would have more, I adore my kids all 4 of them but much as we wanted more we knew financially it would be a stretch to far

SkankingWombat · 29/09/2023 11:14

We wanted 2, we have 2, we're happy with 2 and wouldn't want/be able to successfully manage more. I've found the benefits of a sibling outweigh the downsides both for us as parents and the DCs themselves, but know a third would tip the balance the other way, particularly for the DCs. DH and are are already maxed out in what we can give in all aspects, so we wouldn't be putting more in but splitting what there already is, be it time or money, into more pieces.

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