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Original poster

Knowing what you know now would you still have children / number of children you have?

219 replies

Boredatwork1234 · 29/09/2023 10:28

I’m going to start this as I love my two DC and I can’t imagine life without them. We are doing that typical should we go for a third etc but leaning more towards not using the phrase quality over quantity.

Speaking to a dad the other day, he said if he knew everything he knew now he wouldn’t have had a third he would have stuck at 2.

But flip side I know a dad with 1 child and he said he would have starting having children earlier (late 20s) as they waited till late 30s and would have liked 2 children.

We can’t change the past but just wondering what would you do now with todays knowledge? Would you change anything? What would you say to your younger self?

OP posts:
AlienatedChildGrown · 29/09/2023 11:14

DS was born in 2000. He’s an only child.

I knew my energy, focus, attention, listening capacity would get pushed by having children. Just didn’t realise by how much. Love children, work with them, adore babies. But more than one would have left me pulled in too many directions until I fell over.

Having done the road from newborn to young adulthood, there is so much more to consider above can we afford another baby. Babies are relatively cheap (in €€€), not so much as they get older. And the demands on other resources, like time & energy, are far greater than the demands on your wallet. So I’m grateful I was able to stuff the intense broodiness down and be realistic about my capabilities.

No regrets. I’d do it all again, as long as I got him again. Not some random baby I don’t know.

FluffyCatBonzo · 29/09/2023 11:15

I had one and now wish I had had another for his sake.

vegsoup · 29/09/2023 11:17

I have two and am currently pregnant with my third (which is the number I've always wanted), we've not told anyone yet but recently everyone I've spoken to has told me they wished they stopped at 2.

My mum, my MIL, a couple friends. I'm happy for my pregnancy but it is making me worry a little about rocking the boat because my two are so wonderful! (As wonderful as a 3.5 and 1.5 year old can be 😅)

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Original poster
Boredatwork1234 · 29/09/2023 11:19

And the demands on other resources, like time & energy, are far greater than the demands on your wallet

i can imagine this in the teenage years, we have this fun to come. The mental load of having 2 or 3 teenagers plus potential university fees definitely needs to be considered.

For PPs commenting they wouldn’t have had any children, I’m not judging thanks for being so honest and open.

OP posts:
ReadyForPumpkins · 29/09/2023 11:20

I would have started earlier. I had both mine late 30s

DonaNobisPacem · 29/09/2023 11:20

I have two, wish I’d had three or four.

piscofrisco · 29/09/2023 11:20

No possibly not.
And dd said to me last night whilst witnessing her younger brother being excruciatingly irritating in the way only 11 year old boys can be-'why would anyone have kids? They are so annoying. And expensive. And you can't do what you want to do when you want to do it. What's the point? And I'm including myself in that' And tbh she's technically right!

Obvs she failed to realise the good aspects of it all-the all consuming love, the life purpose, the good things they bring....but on paper having kids is a nonsensical thing to do!

Original poster
Boredatwork1234 · 29/09/2023 11:20

vegsoup · 29/09/2023 11:17

I have two and am currently pregnant with my third (which is the number I've always wanted), we've not told anyone yet but recently everyone I've spoken to has told me they wished they stopped at 2.

My mum, my MIL, a couple friends. I'm happy for my pregnancy but it is making me worry a little about rocking the boat because my two are so wonderful! (As wonderful as a 3.5 and 1.5 year old can be 😅)

@vegsoup this what worries me about going for a third, am I rocking the boat too much….you will have to come back and let me know 😂

OP posts:
Phos · 29/09/2023 11:20

I don’t really know. Happy being one and done. There are times I think we should have had one or two more but by the time I was ready to think about it again, the age gap was too big (for us, plenty people have bigger gaps but it wasn’t what we wanted)

JessieJoJames · 29/09/2023 11:21

One and done. Would not a change a thing. We still get to live a lovely life and get to provide her with all the attention/things she needs. Cannot imagine having more than one.

piscofrisco · 29/09/2023 11:21

Meant to say I have 4.

TheaBrandt · 29/09/2023 11:22

Stopped at 2 so glad we did. Same sex get on well so great family dynamic. Teens and young adults eye wateringly expensive

DustyLee123 · 29/09/2023 11:22

In one way I think that I wouldn’t have any, and I’d chase a career and travelling more. But I also know I wouldn’t have been happy to have none, I think 1 is best.

ReadyForPumpkins · 29/09/2023 11:23

I have a tween and I agree teens are much more expensive than babies. I despair when I hear comments about babies are cheap. I'ts because they are.

I have to qualify why I said I would have them earlier. Thinking ahead. My youngest will be finishing university when I turn 60. DH will be over 60. If we had them earlier, we could be over that when we were both in our late 50s. Then we'll be able to thinking about early retirement.

VeridicalVagabond · 29/09/2023 11:24

I've got one, had her at 16, wouldn't change a thing.

Only downside is she'll be 16 soon and is already talking about Uni, volunteering abroad, emigrating to Oz. She's a free spirit and has a lot of big dreams so she'll be scooting off to live her life before I know it and I'll be a mid 30's empty nester. Meanwhile all my early and mid 30's pals are only just getting started having their first kids. So I feel a bit disjointed from being in a completely different place to most of my peers.

But still wouldn't change anything!

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 29/09/2023 11:26

Yes, I like having two. Even though they don't get on at all it's lovely having two very different souls and watching then explore the world in different ways.

In another universe with more disposable income, another bedroom and rock solid childcare I might well have had a third, but as things are I never gave it a second thought.

PattyDuckface · 29/09/2023 11:26

I would have had started earlier and had 4 or 5
Started late and had 2

Didn't understand how great it was to have kids because I thought it wasn't feminist. How stupid was I, I just made a load of other people rich in my 20's by working like a maniac for them.

Being a Mum and seeing these individual people emerge from those cute little babies is one of the best things in the world.

Mad fun being in a big family I think.

CurlewKate · 29/09/2023 11:26

I wasn't remotely ready for children until I was at an age when I was lucky to get two in under the wire. In a different life, I can see myself with more- but I wouldn't change any part of my life if I could. Despite occasionally wondering what a family of-say-6 would be like.

AlienatedChildGrown · 29/09/2023 11:27

Boredatwork1234 · 29/09/2023 11:19

And the demands on other resources, like time & energy, are far greater than the demands on your wallet

i can imagine this in the teenage years, we have this fun to come. The mental load of having 2 or 3 teenagers plus potential university fees definitely needs to be considered.

For PPs commenting they wouldn’t have had any children, I’m not judging thanks for being so honest and open.

I have friends managing 2+ kids in their teens & early 20s and while they are doing a great job I do wonder if they have a secret drug they take to keep awake, active and “on” all the time.

Whatever the drug/gene is they have, I haven’t got it. In fact I appear to be going backwards on that count. Peri menopause flavoured knackeredness and the increased demands of an older child (mostly cos the stakes are so much higher the bigger they are) are a terrible combination.

anormalperson · 29/09/2023 11:32

2 and wouldn't change a thing. Really close in age , different sexes but get on well. Was just talking about this with dh , that I couldn't personally give any more than 2 kids the time/ attention they need.

TreesWelliesKnees · 29/09/2023 11:32

I have three. If i had my time again I would have had one, two at the most. I don't actually regret having three though - they are amazing people. But I'm now a lone parent, life has taken some difficult turns, I'm in peri and exhausted, and I had no real understanding of how mentally difficult it is parenting teens.

Original poster
Boredatwork1234 · 29/09/2023 11:37

AlienatedChildGrown · 29/09/2023 11:27

I have friends managing 2+ kids in their teens & early 20s and while they are doing a great job I do wonder if they have a secret drug they take to keep awake, active and “on” all the time.

Whatever the drug/gene is they have, I haven’t got it. In fact I appear to be going backwards on that count. Peri menopause flavoured knackeredness and the increased demands of an older child (mostly cos the stakes are so much higher the bigger they are) are a terrible combination.

Show quote history

Oh my days I never even considered menopause and teenagers….I should have started way younger or older so these don’t overlap 🤣😂 or I shall try to source us these magic pills

OP posts:
SparkyBlue · 29/09/2023 11:39

I have 3 (number 3 a massive surprise) but on reflection I'd have stated earlier and maybe had 4 as once past the baby toddler stage I love the fun of it and the antics of them all

MojoDojoCasaHouse · 29/09/2023 11:43

We have two girls it’s nearly 3 years apart now teens. Wouldn’t change a thing. I really wanted a third hoping for a boy but DH said no. I felt under pressure from family and judged as a failure by society for failing to produce a perfect boy/girl family. Now I genuinely don’t care and it feels perfect to me.

TheaBrandt · 29/09/2023 11:43

Sparky how old is your eldest? “Fun and antics” post 14 is rather less fun for the parents….

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