Re-gifting caught out?!

[Friendorfoe10]

A friend who I thought was a good friend regifted my daughter things her daughter didn't use for my daughters birthday. I've seen these items in her house, so I know she did this.

I am starting to think she's not a good friend or she doesn't see me as a good friend, which makes me feel disappointed. I made an effort with her kids presents and asked her what they would like.

Am I over thinking the gift issue or would you read into it?

I don't have an issue regifting presents generally for kids birthdays, but for kids in strong friendship groups I wouldn't do this.

Interested to hear other peoples opinions.

I've had re-gifts for my DS and could tell immediately that they're not new but I honestly don't give a shit. DS likes them and plays with them all the time. Personally I don't re-gift unless the item is brand new, un-opened. If it is opened or DS played with it a few times and then tossed it, I just give it to charity.

A good friend wouldn’t care if the presents were regifted.

So, if someone takes an unwanted gift to the charity shop, and then someone else comes along and sees the toy and buys it as a gift for someone else, that's OK, but if the original recipient cuts out the middle man and directly gives it as a gift to someone else, that's not OK?

I'd actually think, "Brilliant, my child has all these lovely things to play with and also her chances of inheriting a habitable planet have also increased!"

Think of all the nearly new toys sitting, unused and unloved, in children's bedrooms whilst the exact same toy is being purchased again from a toy shop. It's so wasteful.

There are enough clothes on earth to last SEVEN GENERATIONS- there is no need for anyone to wear brand new clothes.

Worried about the thought???
she did put some thought into the gifts, she thought your daughter would like them, so she thought she’d give them to her!!!

It's totally fine to re-gift unused presents. I think that's what most people understand by the term 're-gift'. Passing on an unopened, unused gift where it's unwanted/duplicate etc. I wouldn't worry at all about doing this, although it's probably best to make a note who gave the original item so you don't give it back to them.

What the OP received was a used toy from the child's playroom. Again, it's fine to gift secondhand things but I mention it in advance if I'm not sure the person would be happy to receive a used item.

I think you might be over thinking this one OP. As long as your daughter likes the gifts then I don't see the harm.

The amount of stuff that goes to landfill etc it's good to re-use and I often gift things onwards, I have also received alot of second hand stuff for my children as presents.

You also don't know all of their financials🤷‍♀️

I think you're over thinking it and I wouldn't take it as a sign that the friendship isn't that solid and figure out the overall picture of friendship. For me, for instance, I strongly value my friends and don't have children and would see the main link of gift giving being over the friend, rather than their children. I'm not saying it's not nice to surprise a close friend's child and I do sometimes but as well on low income as a TA, if I could afford say, four gifts I'd rather show my mark of a close friendship over just gifting to adults over their kids as well. So a regift there sometimes would feel a nice bonus.

I fully support regifting and have a box of new, unopened items that I wouldn't use and I find joy in re purposing these gifts to people I know would enjoy them and actually give more thought to who would enjoy than I would just grabbing something last minute at a shop to "make up amounts" over money. I feel like I can still wrap up something nice to give others and participate still. I feel my regifting choices are as good as any I'd have otherwise made buying from a shop.

I remember my sisters and I holding "present nights" sometimes randomly as kids where we'd put something under each other's pillow and it was so much fun. Often we ended up with a used item we loved over it. I'm all for recycling and less waste. One person's toot is another person's treasure.

How do you know?! She may have bought the things that she knows her daughter likes! I know I do this a lot, if something is a proven hit!
or she doesn’t have much money. Don’t be so judgemental is my advice.

Same. Sometimes my DC get gifts I know they won’t like so I add them, brand new, to the present stash to give at 1 of the other 100 class parties they will go to!

This is a great idea for recycling purposes! I’m addicted to charity shops and love other peoples second hand gifts. I’ve saved so much money the last 12 months buying from charity shops or vinted! The amount of waste people accumulate over the years, it’s always good to regift items you don’t or won’t use! Don’t take offence or presume the friendship isn’t a good one based on a regifted item!

Ok, you bought her kids things and asked what they’d like. Maybe your friend isn’t as financially stable as yourself or she thought it would be nice to at least send something for your daughter, instead of nothing at all. It was still thoughtful and kind.

There is absolutely nothing wrong in regifting things, I see it as a positive and a great idea. Maybe instead of wasting money yourself, on new things, next time pop down the charity shop, there is so many amazing items in there that you get for half the price, most things new. You’ll be surprised the cash you can save and the bargains you can get. It’s not all about what you’ve spent or how much something cost or even if it’s second hand. It’s the thought that counts. We all need to stop wasting money on gifts most people don’t want anyway.

I would be a bit sad too OP. When you put thought, effort and money into buying a gift it stings when you are given, essentially second hand items. If it was an item your child admired, then surely your friend would buy a duplicate? Especially as she gives thought and money to others

Thank you.

If your daughter likes the gift then really that's what matters because the gift was for her, not you.

Same way if your partner received a gift from one of his friends, it's not for you to judge really whether or not it's a good gift.

However. You seem offended. Which is fair enough.
Without actually asking your friend, you will not know IF it was regifted but also why.

If you look at the reasons why it could be regifted:
To save money (they're struggling or they're tight fisted)
Lack of time (backs up against the wall for something going on in their life or lazy)
Your daughter loved the item (so they gave it to her or decided not to buy a second and create waste).

You will not know the why unless you ask. If you ask you may not get an honest answer because a lot of the reasons can be things people don't want to admit.
You just have to trust that your friend meant well.
Maybe they're having a hard time at the moment or maybe they don't care so much. This one action isn't enough to decipher that.

At the end of the day it's a gift. And your daughters happy with it.
Your friends could be having some personal problems, so they may need you.
Or they may not be wanting to put excessive energy/money into gift givin

If you have a good friendship and your daughters happy then you're good?
I guess you'll be more alert that they do care about you?

But at the same time is it worth being offended over something you're not certain on, if you value your connection with them.
Probably not.

Move on and think maybe they ran out of time or forgot and had to find a solution last minute.
Or maybe they don't feel they need to spend money. Or maybe they're not doing so well.

Either way, it's more important to have a friendship than not.

* and in summary.

They gave your daughter a gift she liked for her birthday.
They did a good thing.
:)

Whether or not that gift is 'regifted' doesn't mean it's not liked?
The regifting thing itself, when it's purely to regift, is a perspective thing. And thinking about general society stance on that as a whole is maybe worth it for all of us. There seems to be this thing where its frowned upon to buy something secondhand. Or give something we already have.
But does that make actual sense?
Something being new or not new doesn't always make it less good or insulting?

Would you rather have a second hand car a gift or something of the same value that's new.

Would you rather have a second hand good quality item or one high street item that costs the same price.

Would you rather your friend give you something they own and love themselves, thinking you will love it and showing parting with something they love for you as a gesture. Or would your rather they are less thoughtful and buy something quick and thoughtless like a bunch of flowers or bottle of wine.

Its definitely a society/conceptual issue.
Not a black and white.
And without understanding if it was regifted, or why, it doesn't make sense to assume to be offended. The reason sing could be caring or uncaring. But without asking you will not know. And by asking you may either offend your friend or learn something nice and build connection.

Relationships.

Nothing wrong with regifting AS LONG AS the item is new and unused in the original packaging SEALED or TAGS ON. I think if they are used then it's kind of gross especially if it's kids toys. If it's used, she doesn't value you as a friend or respect your kid, or else she is broke, or doesn't think your kid is important or will notice