Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Re-gifting caught out?!

216 replies

Friendorfoe10 · 24/09/2023 19:20

A friend who I thought was a good friend regifted my daughter things her daughter didn't use for my daughters birthday. I've seen these items in her house, so I know she did this.

I am starting to think she's not a good friend or she doesn't see me as a good friend, which makes me feel disappointed. I made an effort with her kids presents and asked her what they would like.

Am I over thinking the gift issue or would you read into it?

I don't have an issue regifting presents generally for kids birthdays, but for kids in strong friendship groups I wouldn't do this.

Interested to hear other peoples opinions.

OP posts:
stayathomer · 24/09/2023 23:20

Ps sometimes life dictates that you can’t put thought and energy into gift giving, stuff comes up. There’s times I spend weeks planning presents and times kids are sick or we have worries as bad so there’s the most last minute job or nothing at all! Doesn’t have any bearing on how I feel about people

Prisonbreak · 25/09/2023 07:21

Screamingabdabz · 24/09/2023 21:51

But gift giving is not about ‘passing things on’ - especially things you don’t want. I just can’t get my head around why people think like this. Aren’t you embarrassed? If not, you should be. Gifts should be chosen to suit the recipient, not treated like a trip to the tip.

Show quote history

@Screamingabdabz not embarrassed at all. Every Christmas I will be gifted multiple bottles of alcohol despite me being T total and sober for 17 years. I’m absolutely not embarrassed at gifting these on to someone who will actually use and appreciate it

ItsNotRocketSalad · 25/09/2023 14:03

Rose38 · 24/09/2023 21:52

This wasn't a new item..would you give someone a child's toy which had been used as a birthday gift?
You know items you don't want can actually be sold or given to charity. That is not wasteful. I sell gifts that I don't want to keep sometimes or sometimes just give them to charity. A few times I gave toys away to my kid's school/nursery. But I wouldn't ever give my children's used toys to another child as a gift.

Show quote history

I'd give a secondhand gift and I'd be perfectly happy to receive one. I've bought myself three used books this week alone. I don't understand your thinking at all.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General shopping
RedAndWhiteCarnations · 25/09/2023 14:16

Prisonbreak · 25/09/2023 07:21

@Screamingabdabz not embarrassed at all. Every Christmas I will be gifted multiple bottles of alcohol despite me being T total and sober for 17 years. I’m absolutely not embarrassed at gifting these on to someone who will actually use and appreciate it

Show quote history

These are new though…

RedAndWhiteCarnations · 25/09/2023 14:20

ItsNotRocketSalad · 25/09/2023 14:03

I'd give a secondhand gift and I'd be perfectly happy to receive one. I've bought myself three used books this week alone. I don't understand your thinking at all.

Show quote history

Irs not giving a second hand thing that is the issue.
It’s rummaging for something in the middle of things the friend actually USED. One was on display, the other actually used!

Can you imagine the friend coming to the OP’shouse and the child seeing their stuff used by the OP’s dd??
If it had been something the friend didn’t need/wasn’t used, it would have been put away no? Just like you wouldn’t your bottles if alcohol in the table and open them if you dint drink alcohol. But you would be putting them away at the back of a cupboard.

Rose38 · 25/09/2023 14:22

ItsNotRocketSalad · 25/09/2023 14:03

I'd give a secondhand gift and I'd be perfectly happy to receive one. I've bought myself three used books this week alone. I don't understand your thinking at all.

Show quote history

So imagine it's your child's birthday & everyone who came to the party gave used items they had lying around at home, you would be happy with that? Or it's your wedding & everyone gave used items? Buying yourself second hand items is not the same as gifting a used item because you couldn't be bothered to go to the shop & buy something or put some thought in to it.

Imagine you have a baby and people came round with clothes that their baby had worn and gave that as a gift to your child, would that be ok?

ItsNotRocketSalad · 25/09/2023 14:26

As I've said, I would have no problem at all being gifted used things. Or USED, as you need to be dramatic about it.

Rose38 · 25/09/2023 14:27

Prisonbreak · 25/09/2023 07:21

@Screamingabdabz not embarrassed at all. Every Christmas I will be gifted multiple bottles of alcohol despite me being T total and sober for 17 years. I’m absolutely not embarrassed at gifting these on to someone who will actually use and appreciate it

Show quote history

That's acceptable as you won't be drinking those and it's wasteful to just throw away.
We have all at some time or other maybe done something similar. I often get perfume as a gift & I have so many open bottles that now when I am gifted any, I keep it and give it to someone else or sell it.
Same with baby clothes...I never end up using all the clothes people gift so I either give them away or sell them.

But I would never pick a used item lying around at home and give it as a present to someone. That is what happened to the OP.

Rose38 · 25/09/2023 14:29

ItsNotRocketSalad · 25/09/2023 14:26

As I've said, I would have no problem at all being gifted used things. Or USED, as you need to be dramatic about it.

Well that's you...not everyone feels the same. It's not a socially acceptable thing to do unless you know that the other person would be happy with it.

For example some family don't mind taking my kid's hand me down clothing if they are in good condition. I would pass those on but I wouldn't give hand me downs to people who would not want them or be happy with it.

tkwal · 25/09/2023 14:33

If the gift is unopened and the packaging isn't tatty what's wrong with regifting ? Is it possible her daughter received duplicate gifts or that they weren't suitable for her (fit, allergies, not to her taste ) ? Would you be happier if she went out and bought your child a similar item ?. Maybe she bought it off her daughter so she could get something else instead. Not really something I'd worry too much over.

RedAndWhiteCarnations · 25/09/2023 14:35

If the gift is unopened and the packaging isn't tatty what's wrong with regifting ?

But that’s not the case for the OP. One of the gifts was used and has a mark on it due to that….

ItsNotRocketSalad · 25/09/2023 15:02

Well that's you...not everyone feels the same

No shit Sherlock. It's a discussion forum where we give our personal opinions.

Rose38 · 25/09/2023 15:12

ItsNotRocketSalad · 25/09/2023 15:02

Well that's you...not everyone feels the same

No shit Sherlock. It's a discussion forum where we give our personal opinions.

You are so rude...obviously cannot understand my comment. Yes you have your opinion but my point is not everyone feels the same. I was not saying you can't have an opinion 😒 Don't bother replying cos I haven't got time to talk to agressive rude people like you.

ItsNotRocketSalad · 25/09/2023 15:21

I'm devastated that somebody who says things like "omg like seriously how hard is it to buy the same toy brand new to give" doesn't want to talk to me.

Rose38 · 25/09/2023 15:39

ItsNotRocketSalad · 25/09/2023 15:21

I'm devastated that somebody who says things like "omg like seriously how hard is it to buy the same toy brand new to give" doesn't want to talk to me.

Stop talking to me troll...

TheThingIsYeah · 25/09/2023 15:40

@SomeoneKidda

We've spent decades filling the planet with millions of tonnes of pointless shite

I agree. One of the first things I will do when I'm king is ban adults buying Xmas presents for each other. What a waste of time and stress. People buying shite that people don't need, for people they don't like, with money they ain't got.

The western world has enough "stuff" without more scented candles and lynx box sets being added to the pile every year. Red wine and a bouncy castle - that's all an adult should need in life.

Moogoopixie · 25/09/2023 18:02

I think regifting is fine I like being thrifty however I'd only do it with new gifts I personally don't do presents for adults so no issue their

Buffs · 25/09/2023 18:34

I regift everything, it doesn’t mean I don’t like people.

Ilovecleaning · 25/09/2023 18:40

I think regifting is really naff and cheap. I have given away unwanted gifts but not as gifts. I say “ X bought me this but I’ll never use it. Can you find a use for it?”
It’s the deception I don’t like.

Aftersunbun · 25/09/2023 18:51

Agree. It’s the deception. It feels like a lie and you wonder what else they would lie to you about.

my daughter received a book from my friend which had (obviously unknown to my friend) already been inscribed with a heartfelt message to her own daughter from her daughter’s godmother!

And what stung was she said “I thought she would love this book, I just had to get it for her”. I’ve never quite trusted her again.

Prescottdanni123 · 25/09/2023 18:52

Is it not a case that your DD likes playing with the toys/gifts at your friend's house so your friend has bought her some of her own?

honeylulu · 25/09/2023 19:00

I don't object to regifting as a whole and have done it myself sometimes. But it should be done with thought. A gift that the recipient will enjoy and appreciate (rather than just offloading old crap to declutter and save a few quid) and with sensitivity.

On a couple of occasions I got gifts for people which were quite personal and chosen specifically, only to see them being opened at a different friend or relative's birthday a couple of weeks later. It's a shame the present missed the mark and I can accept that, but to not even think that I was likely to be there to witness the regifting stung rather. It's a bit of a double blow - I didn't like your gift and I don't care enough about your feelings to be discreet about giving it away in front of you!

A bit like the OP's friend not considering that OP may have seen the "gifts" lying around her house.

HoraceTheLlama · 25/09/2023 19:37

I was once regifted something. I know it was regifted as I gave it to them the previous year 😂 only a low value stocking filler thing, but I knew not to buy them something similar again!

Absolutelyridiculous · 25/09/2023 20:07

A friend whom I consider well off always regifts me her unwanted Xmas gifts as my birthday is in January.. even a red silk scarf ..she told me I didnt suit red! Then last time Mincepie scented shower gell!! Lol...
Then I get assorted cheese board..cream crackers etc..
I think all unused unwanted Xmas gifts! better at charity shop..not give to friends or our children 🫣😉
I suggested last time we cease exchanging gifts as we both don't need anything.
When it's children...it's worse..just put money in card...then they can lump it all together and buy what they like..
I understand how you feel. It's hurtful. You can't take it out on their child tho..just donate present to charity shop.

Startingagainandagain · 25/09/2023 20:20

This is just daft...

Your daughter enjoys the gift so what is your issue?

Maybe she is struggling with money, maybe she cares about the environment and like recycling things as much as possible, maybe she was under stress and forgot to buy something so she did the best she could.

Frankly, if you base friendship on how much money is spent on gifts, that is a rather shallow way of looking at the world.

Swipe left for the next trending thread