Re-gifting caught out?!

[Friendorfoe10]

A friend who I thought was a good friend regifted my daughter things her daughter didn't use for my daughters birthday. I've seen these items in her house, so I know she did this.

I am starting to think she's not a good friend or she doesn't see me as a good friend, which makes me feel disappointed. I made an effort with her kids presents and asked her what they would like.

Am I over thinking the gift issue or would you read into it?

I don't have an issue regifting presents generally for kids birthdays, but for kids in strong friendship groups I wouldn't do this.

Interested to hear other peoples opinions.

Does your daughter like the gifts?
Are they things she will get enjoyment from?
Are you 100% certain that they are regifted and not a duplicate of something her daughter has that she knows your daughter will like?
Is your friendship defined by how much money you spend on each other?

How do you know it's regifted and not just an identical item that her daughter enjoyed so decided to buy the same thing for your daughter? It's obvious if an item is regifted or brand new. Was it boxed if a toy?

She does like the gifts but I fairy certain she has regifted. The friendship isn't defined by money at all. Maybe I am a over thinking it. Thank you.

It was two items I have seen in the house. One of the items had an imperfection on it (sadly I notice these things). They didn't have tags.

Friendship isn’t about money, if your daughter enjoys the toys I don’t see the issue.

I think it’s very materialistic and sad to judge an entire friendship on the perceived cost of a gift :(

Maybe they are struggling

I don't think they are as they have set up WhatsApp groups for other friends gifts and are happy to contribute. If anything they shop in more expensive places then I do. It's not the value of the items, it's the thought.

That's not what I am saying. I am worried about the thought. It's not about money at all.

If they think your DD will enjoy the present and be happy, what does it matter!

Maybe she thought dd would love it
maybe she bought them because her dd has the same things and loved them
Maybe she hasn’t got much cash
if this is the only thing then I think YABU. If however she is generally thoughtless then obviously this could just be a final straw to that.

Thank you. She does and I agree it shouldn't matter.

I hear you OP, it feels lazy and thoughtless. And money has nothing to do with it, it does not cost a lot to find or make a thoughtful gift if you are not on the breadline.

i can understand your perspectives, but in this day and age surely its better to reuse and recycle items where possible rather than the psychological perspective of omg they regifted x items rather than spending x and getting a new one from a store , omg how dare they, oh the horror what will the jones think etc.

Thank you. It's about the thought not the materiality.

Sorry, the post was about the friendship dynamics and not the materiality of the present. It's was about care, thought and consideration.

Perhaps I am overthinking, so thank you for the feedback.

I was re-gifted for my son something I'd actually bought for his friend. At the time money was very tight for us but not for them so I got the impression that they didn't think much of the gift...or me. Water under the bridge now but it stung at the time.

I do think that you're overthinking. It's a kids birthday gift and your daughter enjoys it so nothing worth getting upset about. Regifting is more environmentally friendly than going out buying new toys just for the sake of it.

Same feeling. I am a natural over thinker, so I worry about things I don't need to. I valued this friendship and just feel a tad disappointed.

I know why you feel that way but I've regifted a few times and it doesn't necessarily reflect on how I feel about the friendship. Sometimes life just gets in the way. I have also sometimes gifted something of my dds and bought her a new one afterwards because I'd not ordered in time. Some people are disorganised but it doesn't mean that they don't care. I wouldn't read too much into it.

I'm not a huge fan of regifting, but don't think it's too bad for a kid's gift (assuming she is a kid), especially if she likes it.

My life revolved around my children and their friendship groups when they were young but this has changed. I still like to know their friends but I'm not so invested with their friends' parents. I did make some very lovely, hopefully lifelong friends.
How old is your daughter?

Thank you

She probably just had a last minute panic and had forgotten to get a gift. If the friendship is shit overall then sure ditch her otherwise this is just one of those things.

My life resolves around work most of the time and 100% my kids at the weekends. The friendship groups provide the stresses of work and life. She's pre-school age but her friends have gone to primary school this year.