Re-gifting caught out?!

[Friendorfoe10]

A friend who I thought was a good friend regifted my daughter things her daughter didn't use for my daughters birthday. I've seen these items in her house, so I know she did this.

I am starting to think she's not a good friend or she doesn't see me as a good friend, which makes me feel disappointed. I made an effort with her kids presents and asked her what they would like.

Am I over thinking the gift issue or would you read into it?

I don't have an issue regifting presents generally for kids birthdays, but for kids in strong friendship groups I wouldn't do this.

Interested to hear other peoples opinions.

Sometimes I buy presents a long time in advance if I see a good deal! Sometimes with a specific person in mind but sometimes just to add to the present stash. My children are young so lots of party invitations for lots of kids at the mo! Sometimes I buy specific things with people in mind if I see them but not always. Sometimes my kids get their hands on them and it's hard to make sure the presents aren't "tested" before giving them!

If you were round our house you might see the present stash, or presume they were given to us. They weren't, but generally were just bargains I found!

Is that acceptable?! Does it make me a bad friend to give these?! Could this be what your friend has done?

I'd probably feel a bit miffed too....unless they were really struggling financially then it does seem a bit lazy and thoughtless. However, if they are otherwise a good friend, I'd let it go.

A 'friend' used to do this to us - her son's birthday was in November and at Christmas we would seem to get an older toy or something he didn't want left over from the birthday. Or really random clothes!I let it go for years as my dd liked the gifts. Then one year they gave her a selection box that had been opened and some of the chocolate eaten!!!! I was 😮. I haven't exchanged gifts since 😂

You don’t know that there was a lack of thought or consideration though. For all you know, when her DC received the gift she thought “oh DX won’t enjoy this at all but isn’t it perfect for my friend’s DC!”

When you say regifting do you mean she's gifted you her child's used toys? As I think this is different from regifting a new item they you didn't want or need.

Either way I do agree with you.

Then what does it matter. You're not sure of the reasons why the mum felt the need to regift so I would leave this one well alone.

Yes, it's regifting something that has been in the kids bedroom/toy area.

But your daughter likes them, so they thought correctly. It does sound a bit 'if it's not shiny and new, then it's not good enough for me and mine'. Maybe a bit shallow and not worth straining the relationship for.

personally, re-gifting is never ok unless you're upfront about it.

It's lazy/thoughtless gift giving otherwise?

i was regifted something I'd given the giver the year before.
i didn't tell her as she clearly didn't remember but while hurt sue didn't like it i also didn't mind too much as I reallt liked it!

I see, I think that’s a bit different to regifting something new.

In terms of brand new and unused toys, I don’t have a problem with it, assuming you genuinely think the other child will like it. Consumerism is a massive problem and buying another brand new toy and leaving one sitting one unused is silly.

Your daughter likes the gifts. You are overthinking.

If your dd enjoys the presents does the fact they're regifted actually matter?

Maybe your dd saw it in her house and said she'd like it?

I don't disagree with you on this point.

Lol

Thank you. This is what I intend to do x

Your daughter is young enough not to care. You on the other hand are hurt ( as I was) but that will pass. Hopefully you have other good people around you who make you feel valued and considered. They are just one person in the scheme of things.

Not the same scenario. I do present stashing as well. I will buy a few of the same things in the sale and use them at birthday parties.

Maybe, thank you.

My DC's friend did this last year. It was a book that had the child's name written inside the front cover. Some of the pages had been scribbled on. The child then told my DC that they hadn't wanted the book anymore.
The family aren't struggling for money unless they spent it all on their latest new model car.

It felt thoughtless to me. The child has never had a birthday party for classmates as the family (of three) prefer to go to a very good restaurant with their child instead of hosting a party.

My opinion of them has changed. They are happy to spend money on themselves but not on others. Their child is spoilt and as he has grown (now a tween) has started to regularly snatch things from other people's hands and stamp on them. Literally.

I have regularly regifted items myself. I ensure they are new or else I include a note saying that I enjoyed the item myself and hope they will too.

I think regifting is a great idea and I should really do it more. It reduces the amount of stuff going to landfill, the gift doesn’t get wasted or just stuck in the back of a cupboard, and you aren’t spending money for the sake of it. My sister in law used to do it all the time - one year my DD was given an outfit we’d given to her DD the year before! I just laughed - I think she has the right idea and we should get better at regifting.

Thank you

Regifting is awful. Even I didn’t want a present that I thought someone would love, I’d give it to them anyway. Gift giving should be something else entirely - not an opportunity to offload random crap you didn’t want.

Ugh - the mentality of people that do it irks me - lazy, tight, scruffy and thoughtless. It goes against everything that should be the spirit of gift giving.

I regift plenty of things if the item doesn’t suit me or interest me. I honestly never take into account who gave me it because if I didn’t pass it on, I’d bin it and that’s more wasteful

My very well off friend gave me two Oliver bonas glasses for my birthday. Which is fine but one was chipped and one was dirty.. she’d obviously forgotten and tried to find something she still had the box for.

in general I think regifting is great though. The planet needs it!