Re-gifting caught out?!

[Friendorfoe10]

A friend who I thought was a good friend regifted my daughter things her daughter didn't use for my daughters birthday. I've seen these items in her house, so I know she did this.

I am starting to think she's not a good friend or she doesn't see me as a good friend, which makes me feel disappointed. I made an effort with her kids presents and asked her what they would like.

Am I over thinking the gift issue or would you read into it?

I don't have an issue regifting presents generally for kids birthdays, but for kids in strong friendship groups I wouldn't do this.

Interested to hear other peoples opinions.

My birthday is a couple of weeks after my oldest friend's. For years she gave me random crap that was clearly stuff she'd received and didn't want. The crowning glory was my 40th when i received a box full of stuff that included a packet of paper napkins printed in colours that went with the decor of her living room. I that point I said 'let's not bother in future, eh, because the postage is so much' (she lives abroad. I had always taken trouble to look for nice things that I thought she'd like.

She may have forgotten that you were the one who gave them to her.

I always regift unwanted stuff that I’ve been given if I thought the other person would genuinely like it. Otherwise I put it on Freecycle.

I get you OP. I don't re-gift, and I don't due to my own twitchy unease that it feels that bit derisory. If I'm given gifts I can't/won't use, I donate them to a raffle/charity.

My MIL gave me a make up set once for Christmas, it was a decent(ish) brand, but it became clear that it was a re-gift (it contained a No 7 money off voucher which was 2 years out of date). Money is no issue for my MIL.

Agree I’d let it go if the friendship is good, and especially if your DD likes it. Though if you’re feeling brass necked, next time you see her you could say “oh thanks for DD’s gift, she really likes it. Your DD has one too, doesn’t she? I remember seeing it round at yours the other day” or “maybe they can play with them together” 😁

Yeah, that's rubbish. She made you feel second best.

I would probably let it pass but I would be questioning the friendship she made me feel like that again.

My Mother re-gifted me some of the gifts I gave her and my Dad on Christmas Day for my birthday at the beginning of January. With some men's socks in the wrong size from Sainsbury's (probably bought for my Dad). I am still bitter.

If you don’t want the planet to burn then re-gift

I wouldn’t have an issue with regifting as such - as in receiving a gift, knowing it’s not a good fit fir my child and regifting said toys, UNUSED.

But that’s not the case here if the OP has seen the toys at her friends and one if them has a mark on it. It’s toys that have been played with, maybe aren’t used anymore. So they are second hands toys, unwanted because the friend’s child has outgrown them (or has two if them etc…) not regift.

Did I get that right @Friendorfoe10 ?

I forget what I did this morning, let alone what gifts my friends gave my daughter. Methinks you are overreacting a little.

Well, one of my aunts was a serial regifter. She used to put stuff away with a note saying who she'd got it from so she wouldn't give it back to the same person. When she died we found the notes.

All the people saying what does it matter if her DD liked the gift..omg like seriously how hard is it to buy the same toy brand new to give? Quite often I buy the same toys my kids have and give them to my nieces and nephews. My niece always notices that she has the same toys as my daughter. It's because I think that she will like them too so buy her the same gift.

The OP even said that the friend generally buys from expensive shops so it's not about money.

I think OP you have invested too much in this friendship and the other person clearly does not care enough. Next time don't bother putting so much thought into gifts for them and their family.

Re-gifting in such a blatant way is not nice. I once was at my parents house and my brother decided to take a Lego set (I brought for his son) to his friend's house to give to his friend's child. This happened right in front of me...he stood there and said just take that Lego set and let's gift that...like why??? I had just brought the Lego set round that day as well. Supposedly his son already had lots of Lego sets so there was no point keeping them all. But the thing that bothered me is that he didn't need to say all this in front of my face. At least go and decide that away from me...

I believe so. The marked item still has a tag on, but had the tag on when I saw it. The other item was in the toy collection at the house last time I was there.

It’s fine. Maybe she doesn’t like waste and knew DD would like them. I do t think it matters at all.

This isn’t what I’d call re-gifting. This is just giving someone used items from your house.

To me, re-gifting is passing on a new, sealed item still with tags etc that you didn’t want.

I’m fine with re-gifting but I would be disappointed at being given a used item so I agree with you OP.

It isn't though. Your friend thought about what your daughter likes and gave her appropriate gifts. You're annoyed they didn't cost her anything.

Thank you, your story did make me laugh. It is making me reassess how they value the friendship sadly.

I regift a lot but only when it's something that I am quite sure that I know the recipient will enjoy. There is too much money and resources wasted on stuff.

Agreed.

If it is re-gifted cause it was free and around, not cool. If it was re-gifted cause she thought your daughter would actually enjoy them. Then sensible.

Can you imagine if everyone just went around giving items from their homes just because they thought the other person would like it? Why should OP spend time and money getting the friend's child something nice whilst the friend just picks up the first random toys lying around her house..that's pretty thoughtless..especially as the items are used.

Yep. Agree there too.
And it’s different too from buying a second hand toy that you know the child will love (ive done that with my niece and nephew).

Id feel like friend had just grabbed the first thing she could grab from her own ‘stock’ with little thought about your dd.

Um yes I can imagine it. Everybody would get appropriate gifts and there would be less in landfill... what a terrible vision.

If the OP needs her friendships to be tit-for-tat, she can give her friend's kid used items too.

So your friend maybe forgot it was your DD's birthday and just grabbed something from the playroom and wrapped it up? I'd be disappointed too. But maybe she was having a shitty week. I'd overlook it if she's normally a good friend.
My birthday is early January and one year my closest friend gave me a Christmas candle . I very much suspect she'd been given it for Christmas. I don't mind regifting if it's not blatant!

I don’t see what’s wrong with regifting at all, in this case or any other, regardless of how well off people are.

My kids get a gazillion gifts when it’s their birthday. Some from us, but then friends, grandparents, godparents, seemingly everyone in the western world. It makes me quite queasy sometimes. They never make use of them all, so we regift all the time. It’s not about the money. It’s about decluttering, and giving someone else a toy without more needless stuff being made and bought.

i wouldn’t give a monkeys if someone regifted back to us.

Different to your situation but I do re-gift new/unopened things I've been given. I try to make use of all gifts as I am really grateful, but sometimes I just know I won't use them and they'll go to waste, so I do re-gift. I put as much thought as possible into who receives it. For example, a few years ago we had some baby clothes as gifts that were new and unused and not suitable size wise due to the weather, so did re-gift these. Money was also very tight at the time!

Your right. She may have just had a shitty week. I am not going to say anything to her.