Wld you keep the baby in my circumstances?

[LeonardTheLeopard]

I am 45. My husband is 51.

We have three kids: 18,15 and 12. We love having kids and did think of having a fourth years ago but decided against it. I’ve always felt a tiny bit sad about that.

We have no money worries, a spare room and money for childcare.

We have a nice quality of life with older kids: lots of holidays and meals out together. Enjoyment of activities we all can do together. Friends with kids the same age. Nobody we know has babies now.
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I have a bad back, joint pain and have had tests for inflammatory conditions as I feel about 60 in my body. Pregnancy seems a real risk.

I am the main earner, I have a great career that I love. I work full time. I have a shot at becoming chief executive of my organisation next year but not likely if I have just has a baby.

Pregnancy was not planned. I didn’t think we were taking a risk as it was 8 days before my usual ovulation point and I am forty bloody five.

I Am terrified of having a baby but also terrified of having an abortion.

Don’t even contemplate having a baby, I’m sorry you’re in this situation

No I wouldn’t.

I would not

'Pregnancy seems a real risk' (to your physical health)
'Pregnancy was not planned / I have a great career I love' (risk to mental health)
'Youngest is 12' (at secondary school and able not to need a babysitter)
'We have a nice quality of life with older kids'.

You have written many things that support your life as it is now, where you have time and money for each other in the family. This will be different with a newborn - you have the right to choose not to risk your health or that of your family's, or that of the possible newborn (as a 45/46 year old parent).
You'll be 60+ for GCSE revision etc - does that seem okay? 50 at first day of Reception.
If you don't want to do it all again, you don't have to.
If you do, you can. But you have the right to choose either way.
Good luck.

I wouldn't do it and my own mother had my younger sister at 45. She needed more help then she expected and my other sisters and i took on a lot of the childcare - happily, but it wasn't completely fair looking back.

My sister and mum are clashing at the moment - early teens and it is exhausting for our mum. I can't imagine this situation with someone who has all of your responsibilities on top.

Obviously only you and DH can decide this one. Personally, if a child is conceived in a loving and stable family it wouldn't occur to me that anyone would abort it. This child will be a big part of your life and you have money now to get a night nurse or live in nanny. You have older kids who can help out. Just my view.

Follow your heart OP is my advice.

Go with your gut feeling.

If your youngest is 12, you'll be bringing a baby into a house full of teenagers.
It could be the making of them.

However, you are the main earner. So think carefully. At 45 having a baby is hard.
I had mine at 36 and am already exhausted at age 68.... single mum though.

Sorry you find yourself in this position.... but I know I wouldn't be continuing with the pregnancy myself.

I'd have the baby for sure. 45 is young these days, youll be fine.

No I wouldn’t. I’m 42, my youngest is 8 and I can’t imagine going back to the baby days now.

I wouldn't.
Especially after what you said about your health.
Also - a termination, especially at this stage, is nothing to be terrified of.

Nope. I wouldn't.

I wouldn't.

Personally, if a child is conceived in a loving and stable family it wouldn't occur to me that anyone would abort it

i would without a second thought.

I would yes- you are in a good position plus as a pp said, you have a stable loving home, which is always a good thing for a child. The thing that stands out to me from your post is you say you have always felt a little sad not to have had a 4th child. And financially it sounds as though you would be able to support a 4th child.

A baby needs more than a loving stable home though. It;s unfair to go into this expecting older children to help pick up the slack.
Also the chance of disabilities, would you be expecting them to do long term care once your husband and you were no longer able?

Your husband will be nearing retirement as they start secondary school. Is this how you envisaged spending retirement together?

Also do consider the higher chance of having a SEN child with both of your ages. Are you prepared for and happy with that?

“If your youngest is 12, you'll be bringing a baby into a house full of teenagers.
It could be the making of them.”

What an odd thing to say. Did the OP say anything to suggest that they weren’t already great kids?

No way would I go ahead with this pregnancy if it were me (I also have mid-late teens). That part of my life is over, and I’d be worried about increase genetic risks turning my life upside down.

45 is young these days, youll be fine.

No, it's not. Not at all young to bring a baby into the world. She'll be 70+ when her child is in his 20's/30's.

Nothing wrong with older mothers, however, none of us know what the future brings, whether in your 20's or in old age.

Hope you make the best decision OP, for yourself and your family.

Well you would go right back to sleepless nights, nappies, toddler tantrums, breastfeeding and weaning. Does that appeal?
What if your child had a significant disability or if you developed a disability through being pregnant? Yes with having a child there is always a risk to the status quo but with everything lined up so well for you at the moment in terms of kids being independent, promotion opportunities and you're still having sex so presumably happy in your relationship, it seems like a big risk.
My friend had a much older sister and brother and found it lonely, much more like being an only child or having two sets of parents!

If it were me - no

However it’s your decision. Baby could keep you young or totally knacker you

what do you want ? How about DH?

I wouldn’t continue the pregnancy.

I know a lot of women who have become disabled in some way through child birth. I wouldn’t risk that in your situation, with pre-existing health issues and being the main income, as well as a mother to three children.

Name change.

Someone close to me had a baby at your age in similar circumstances (older husband, big age gap to older children, not planned etc).

Health wise it all worked out fine (against the odds). But they have really struggled, doing it again so much older and after such a big gap has been very tough for them (and I would say for their child).

I’m 41, had a surprise baby last year. I have Long Covid- went from feeling 22 to feeling 62. It was a very difficult pregnancy. There was also too much intervention and I was scared to stand up against it and ended up with an emergency c -section which I’m still recovering from. But I’m so happy I have my daughter. I don’t regret any of it. She’s very active and I’m choosing to have the mindset that she’s keeping me active and feeling young again. My other kids are all older too, and they are in love with her. It was hard, but it’s ok. I’m learning to be easier on myself and not work so hard. I’m enjoying life and my kids more than if none of this has ever happened. I could never get an abortion, that’s just how I am, no judgement to anyone else. I think if you have any doubt about it, don’t terminate. I have so many friends who aborted with reservations and never got over it mentally. Only you know what you can handle either way though. But I am in a similar situation, so hopefully that perspective helps.

I would want to have the harmony test at 12 weeks and find out if the pregnancy was viable and then decide. If all ok i would proceed. They'll have an amazing relationship with their older siblings