Autistic Women Assemble! #2

[Nepmarthiturn]

Helloooo lovely people, a new thread for a us to continue to chat and connect with other autistic women (small talk and word mincing not required). 😊

As before, anybody newly stumbling upon this is very welcome to join us (even if still awaiting diagnosis). But we'd be grateful if others could leave us alone please, like the NT man we encountered in thread #1. 🤣

Wow!

It's just been removed.

I sent them a long report (as I expect many others did) and it's gone.

Yay.

But it's exhausting, having to always battle like this.

I'll tell you what terrifies me - them finding this thread and challenging us all.

Hurrah!

Twats.

I like to think that they are brazen on most threads and just love spilling their guts about their hatred of ND and Disabled people. Let's face it, a lot of the population are really intolerant and it shows on threads like that.

But here? I'd like to think not. I know it has happened (and I know it also happens on the Black MNers board too, sadly) but they feed off others affirming their vile opinions, and they wouldn't get that here.

I think they wouldn't come here because they couldn't pass it off with faux innocence; it would be so obvious that it was deliberate trolling that you'd hope it would lead to a very swift ban. 🤞

This is totally true and I think you've hit the nail on the head completely.

I always despair when I read about those ND bashing threads on here, I don’t look at them though.
Mumsnet does seem to be quite awful all over really. I never really venture into Chat/AIBU or anything like that. But Mumsnet seems full of goady twats. Obviously it’s dreadful that ND-bashing threads stay up far longer than a racist thread would. My mother has been a Mumsnetter far longer than me and says that they’ve become noticeably worse (Mumsnetters in general) in the years she’s been a member.

Sometimes I wonder, not just with anti-ND threads on here but the internet in general, how much people actually believe in what they’re posting, versus getting swept up in a mob mentality and posting stuff they don’t necessarily agree with but they don’t want to go against the grain. I dunno. Maybe I’m being too nice and giving others the benefit of the doubt. But Mumsnet does seem to attract some bizarre people who have weird ideas. Like supposedly any food/diet-based thread is full of people who subsist on one lettuce leaf a day kind of thing. People who believe any kind of fruit is bad for you because of the sugar.

FFS here we go again

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4970459-christmas-has-descended-into-chaos

Well I've reported the nasty comments.......

Pleased to see there's a fair few people challenging the knobhead poster (who is, apparently an ex social worker!)

That doesn't surprise me at all. All of the social workers I've met who don't specialise in working with disabled people have been ignorant, ableist and horrifically prejudiced.

How has everyone's Boxing Day been?

Not feeling great sadly :(

Sorry you're feeling unhappy @IHateTuesday

Hello all, hope everyone has coped with the weirdness that is Christmas. DH and I were on our own for the first time ever as kids are grown, but we had a long afternoon into evening get together with adult DC and their partners.
I thought I'd hate it but once I'd organised everything and times etc and served food, I really enjoyed it.
One of DC's partners is also autistic and overshares, talks over everyone and demandes I turn my music down as he couldn't concentrate on his talking! This angered me as my father was like this, and I was stimming on the chatting and the music. It was perfect for me so I ignored him. I think our likes and dislikes clash abit and he talks about his feelings endlessly when I'd rather be listening to my daughter.

Ugggh, does anyone else here find their autistic traits clash with anyone autistic person in their life? He's a nice enough lad but sometimes I just want to tell him to shut up. He is gen z and has no filter but I've HAD to learn filters/mask because I'm bloody female, gen x and had to drag myself up.
Sorry so much ranting!

Regarding Christmas itself, I pared down the tat and got the decorations i really like so i wouldnt feel angry that the house had to be changed but then i had an epiphany about the food! The MAIN reason I hate Christmas is because I really don't like any of the Christmas food we're all supposed to eat . So next year have decided to choose something entirely different that I actually like . Not sure why it's taken me until menopause to work this out but I've now saved myself the rest of my life from crap Christmas food!

Thanks for reading, just wanted to moan abit really. How is everyone doing now it's all over?

I did this not so long ago. I was diagnosed April this year and I've been wondering back and forth ever since. And then last month I REALLY decided I wasn't autistic, my reasoning was that I didn't FEEL autistic anymore and I was coping well with more tasks and abit my social interaction. I talked to my DH about it and we agreed that I'm still autistic but it's that I ha previously been in a terrible burnout caused by chronic life changing family illness stress and perimenopause. I completely stopped doing things for about 3 years.
I didn't know I was in autistic burnout and now I'm starting to come out of it.
So yep, now I realise = yes autistic and feeling abit better because no longer in burnout.

*sorry can't edit my first post, and probably irrelevant but forgot to say the get together was Christmas Eve. No one cares about that I'm sure but it didn't make sense when I read it back a hundred times 😂

It was lovely. I actually enjoyed my day instead of dragging myself thrugh it, tidied the house (as much as you can around a flipping tree and decs and extra bits), took out my diary and filled in things that are booked for january that i had saved in my email folder (i always thought i had a great memory turns out i just have a great diary lol) and then cleared down the emails which gave me a huge sense of lightness. We did not leave the house, through the ball about a thousand times for the dog instead and just watched movies and played games and proper family things but this time without a brainfog hanging over me. Going to read back other posts now.

I think my biggest issue is that my friends KNOW me. They know ME ME if you get me. My family are not great and have never tried to get to know me and even now with the diagnosis its only my dad that is being supportive, the rest seem to think I am being a drama queen but it is so frustrating not being understood and i think the only reason i have not burnt out is because i can be 100% myself with friends and was 100% with my now ex. I mean i had a few things happen a few months back prior to the breakup which may be either the start of peri or the start of burnout or a combo which is what made me go for the diagnosis but it is so fucking hard when ppl do just not GET you and think you are being rude or obnoxious or whatever. I am not, I just wont do fake, refuse to engage in idle gossip, speculation over things drives me over the edge. I cannot cope with say 8 people in a room all talking over each other but similarly cannot be in a room having a one on one conversation without a tv or radio quietly in the background and while i mask around my family i can drop it when my friends are around so i think that has saved me over the years.

Anyway my morning routine here has kicked off, every day I get up and take my tablets (not yet for diagnosis im currently on sertraline for anxiety) with water because i love water and always have a bottle with me (sorry environment!), then i go downstairs and make my first of two coffees, has to be two every morning and while the kettle is on I have a ginger shot or a green juice or whatever is there to hand as it possibly is all in my mind but I feel like I am being good to my body, then upstairs with the laptop and my coffee, check my work emails etc then i go to mumsnet and read any threads i contribute to, I then go to the active page and I right click and open in a new window any other threads I might find appealing, back down for my second coffee and then I go throuogh each thread and THEN into the shower. I like this routine. It means I get done anything I feel I need to get done before I start my proper working day.

I don’t really feel like I’m “not autistic”, but often I feel like I don’t relate to autistic people. If you look up people’s stories about growing up with ASD, they often talk about how they were bullied at school and suffer with sensory problems. I wasn’t bullied at school and I don’t have sensory problems (not major ones anyway). Obviously every autistic individual is different. I read Odd Girl Out and could identify with quite a bit of it but also there was a fair bit I didn’t really identify with. Like she talked about only wearing grey jumpers every day, having a somewhat limited diet etc. I struggle with anxiety too but have never been on meds.

I get the thing regarding other Autistic people. DD is Autistic and if our sensory overloads clash, it can be so difficult. She's my daughter though, and I do everything to make her life as easy as possible. I guess I spend all my energy on her which is why I can't do relationships. Other Autistic people (that I don't have a bond with like DD) would annoy me and NT people annoy me more as they dont understand and I dont trust them to (evidenced by my own experences and what I read on here). I guess I just need so much peace in my head and space to be me. I'd get annoyed if someone interrupted a thought I was having for example.

I get the thing regarding other Autistic people. DD is Autistic and if our sensory overloads clash, it can be so difficult

Yes. Both my sons are autistic but we tend to recognise our own sensibilities and withdraw when becoming overwhelmed.

But as the parent I feel I make the most accommodations.

With regard to Odd Girl Out I also didn't have the food issues experienced by the author. There is no taste or texture which I don't like.

I haven't only got grey jumpers, either, although I agree with Laura James about tailored clothes being very uncomfortable, and I avoid wearing them especially nowadays when I'm old and fat

I have massive food issues, although they are a lot better now I'm older. I only ate chips, lentil soup and corned beef as a kid. And even then, I only made houses out of the chips. The reason I loved Odd Girl Out was because I also have PoTS and EDS like her.

I can't put my hand into a chips packet in case my skin touches the greasy, salty sides. I have never eaten a burger or a donner kebab as texturally, I cannot bear the thought. Similarly beetroot which I think also smells weird. I didn't eat at all at school - something would have been done about that these days, but it was the 70s. I don't eat mince and I dissect sandwiches that aren't made by me. Unfortunately, I think I was considered a rude, petulant, molly coddled child (combined with not really speaking and hiding behind the sofa) My Grandmother once called me "fickle" and my mother hit the roof!