Autistic Women Assemble! #2

[Nepmarthiturn]

Helloooo lovely people, a new thread for a us to continue to chat and connect with other autistic women (small talk and word mincing not required). 😊

As before, anybody newly stumbling upon this is very welcome to join us (even if still awaiting diagnosis). But we'd be grateful if others could leave us alone please, like the NT man we encountered in thread #1. 🤣

DS2 told his brother yesterday that he's still getting used to not having to look over his shoulder to find someone who controls his life, telling him he can't do something.

He loves having his own flat.

DH has become strangely interested in the fridge thread.

I haven't found the fridge thread, probably for the best.
@TheShellBeach good to hear your DS is doing so well.
Went to a local panto today which was good except managed to get on the bus there at the same time nearest high school was kicking out ( I thought they all finished yesterday) so it was absolutely packed.

People are just miserable cunts (fridge / food shopping killjoys) Imagine any other culture berating each other for stocking up for a feast?

You have to laugh, really as it's like a Victoria Wood comedy sketch!

I had the most amazing little video chat with my friends son last night. I say friend, me and she are social friends and I have only met her son once when he was born but he is autistic. He was non verbal but his parents went private when he was small and now not only is he non verbal he doesnt shut up 😂 My friend said to him that I have only just found out I am autistic and me and he had the most great chat and he is only 8 years old. Very intelligent, very intuitive and I swear I now have a new 8 year old bestie! The most gorgeous child he really is and to think I had such a different view of autism until recently. I have listened to two audibles this week on called 'But I dont look autistic' and one that was promoted on here called Odd girl out and despite my original protestations it now is sinking in that I did get the right diagnosis.

@Psychoticbreak that's so lovely! It's amazing the journey we all go on. Often very internalised, very private, very emotional. I wrote an awful lot during the lead up to my diagnosis and in the months after. It helped me process as I feel our thoughts and beliefs and even our history are challenged. It's like one large shift of acceptance and realisation, followed by smaller moments every now and again that pop out of the blue, as we settle into our new selves.

I was diagnosed with EDS years ago and remember reading that Autism presents in about 40% of EDS patients. I remember thinking categorically "oh well that's definitely not me" followed by many light bulb moments soon after. It's possibly testament to how well we have masked in our lives (and obviously also how women and girls present differently to our initial perceived idea of Autism).

I've nearly finished Odd Girl Out and the number of times I've said "OMG Me Too" as she goes along has been astounding.
Even the addiction to Valium.

Merry Christmas to the women of this thread!

Merry Christmas to all, too.

Hope everyone's day isn't too overwhelming, and you all get some peaceful time.

Hope everyone's day isn't too overwhelming, and you all get some peaceful time

DS has already been round for the first time and gone home. He will return later on for his dinner lol.

He also managed to leave my present at his place!

Merry Christmas everyone! 🎄❄️☃️🎅🏼⭐️

This has been the most wonderful, relaxed, happy Christmas Day I've ever had in my life. I hope everybody has had a brilliant day, you all deserve it!

DS arrived a few minutes ago with my present.
It goes without saying that he handed it to me in its brown wrapper from the store. Not wrapped in Christmas paper lol.

Autistic burnout help needed🙏

Hello all, this is such a long thread and seems quite fast paced so I’m not sure if I will
get many replies but here goes:

Im a late diagnosed (around age 40) AuDHDer.

for the last few years I’ve felt like I’ve been heading towards burnout. I’ve felt like a computer slowly overheating. I’ve been getting more and more panicked, chaotic, overwhelmed and unable to cope. I’ve felt like a wild animal trapped.

At the time I knew I was ADHD and had my formal diagnosis but didn’t make the connection with autism contributing to the burnout. I started on ADHD meds which helped the focus a little bit seemed to “expose” the ASD traits. I now have my ASD diagnosis. The more work I did on myself the more ASD I became. I felt like I was trying to get better but I seemed to be getting worse (I now see that I was just getting back to my “true self” which is ASD).

I didn’t have the language to explain what was happening to me and of course the more and more overwhelmed I was becoming the less I could help myself or communicate what was happening. My marriage nearly broke apart because of how dysregulation I was becoming.

Then day a few weeks ago I had a particularly difficult “meltdown” and had to leave a family function. Since then I feel like I’ve just “switched off”. I can’t do anything. I emailed my work- said I can’t come I and I don’t think I can work anymore. I’ve let my DH take my DS to his family over Christmas and I’m just sat here on the sofa - feeling emotionless and like my battery has completely died-not running out but complex died.

is this burnout?

If so, has anyone got any links to how to help myself. I can’t see there being a quick fix. The time to intervene seemed to be when I was getting so overheated and panicked but that’s gone now and I don’t know what to do.

@DarkWingDuck I think it is and as I am only recently diagnosed myself I cant even help you I am so sorry but I have been where you are and it is not a nice place to be. I am here if you need a chat but in no way I am able to offer advice to you so sorry.

Hi @DarkWingDuck

It sounds like burnout, yes.
The same thing happened to me when I was in my early forties.

It took about eighteen months before I started to feel better.

Is your husband being supportive? Mine was hopeless and divorced me. Actually he did me a favour. I eventually met someone else who accepted and understood me and we've been together ever since.

I'm sorry not to be able to offer any advice but I wanted to let you know you're not on your own.

@DarkWingDuck yes. I think that sounds like Autistic burnout / shutdown.

I've had to be very strict with myself the last few years. I can no longer attend family functions, or give too much of myself, as I just am not capable. Daily life is difficult enough. I also think the different aspects of Autism and ADHD can be a nightmare as in 'competing with each other' (I have Attention Defecit ADHD and don't take meds)

I'd implore you to be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to rest. Somehow or other, your family also need to understand this explicitly. Going forward, work out what you are capable of and don't give any more than you're capable of giving and doing. (I know this is hard, as I'm a single parent and disabled myself, but I've had to be really strict with myself after suffering a near breakdown early last year)

Hope you're able to rest your brain and body for a while, and have some gentle time as that's what you need. You may need to consider work going forward - do you need time off / see a GP initially to buy some time. The most important thing right now is taking pressure off yourself.

As far as links go, I'll have a look and see what I have saved. When it happened to me, I googled 'Autistic shutdown' and just the fact that it described / confirmed what I was feeling helped me in that I didn't think I was going insane.

Only other thing I can advise is that I communicated via text or writing things down when I needed. (Have a notepad, and write out a few brief scripts like "I'm so sorry, I'm finding it difficult to talk and I'm overwhelmed, I just need some time")

I'll come back if I can find anything useful.

This is a good link @DarkWingDuck

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/autistic-burnout

Also, I don't know if you are anywhere around perimenopause, but this can amplify Autism massively. It caused everything to fall off a cliff with me.

Oh Lord yes.

@DarkWingDuck the start of the menopause is when things went tits up for me.

I'd implore you to be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to rest. Somehow or other, your family also need to understand this explicitly

Yes, this. The resting part is very important.

@DarkWingDuck it definitely sounds like burnout as others have said. The only way past it is to put your needs first, very firm boundaries, rest and avoid all stressors and let yourself recover at your own pace and don't start to rebuild activity to your normal levels too fast once you begin to feel better.

In the longer term you'll need to think what factors pushed you too far and caused it and how you can redesign your "normal" to prevent it happening again. The war between ASD and ADHD exacerbates it in my experience and absolutely peri makes both worse, especially ADHD, so can be the tipping point where people can no longer cope with what they've managed before. Also by then life has simply worn you down and used up so many of the resources that previously might have allowed you to carry on when you should have been able to say "enough. I need a break from this."

Sending solidarity! It's all a lot easier said than done, I know. My friend, when she had a bad episode of burnout, went to stay with family rurally for several months, her husband took over with her DD and everything else. Many of us don't have that option. I have been in a permanent state of burnout for several years now with no choice but to carry on doing unsustainable things and it gets worse and worse as time goes on. Well done for letting DH take your DS to family yesterday and not going @DarkWingDuck . Do they understand what's happening and what you'll need from them? It will likely take some time to recover and find a new balance that you can manage.

Just a short rant. ND bashing thread again which I've had my say on. It's specific to aerosol allergies (incident in changing room thread title) Basic premise is the OP feels affronted that her deodorant caused a recation in someone ND. Of course half the replies revolve around people being sick of tiptoeing around us ND folk.

I genuinely cannot imagine being such a twat to ever think something like that, never mind say it. How dare we inconvenience people's lives, eh?

Sorry, don't look at the thread if you don't want to be triggered. I didn't expect it from the thread title. It just got to me as it was a double whammy with the ND aspect and the fact I've just started biologics for Allergic asthma and urticaria this week that are out of control.

Uuuugh @RainbowZebraWarrior such nasty people. Clearly not content that the entire modern world has been designed to fit their NT social preferences and sensory tolerances, instead of being grateful for the superhuman efforts that ND people make every single day of their lives to endure this, to mask, to cope, to follow their often nonsensical and exhausting social norms to make them feel comfortable, and in return these people can't extend the slightest bit of tolerance or make the most inconsequential accommodations in return. It is quite unbelievable - as I've said many times - that such people claim we lack empathy.

Oh that thread!

I am so sick of this. MNHQ wouldn't let a racist thread stand.

Just reported that thread.

Bet it stays, though.

There are a couple of posters on there that are just arseholes. The one that described the ND person as a Basket Case in particular. I notice that post was deleted. Imagine thinking the world revolves around ND people? I wish! I notice nobody replied to my post.