Autistic Women Assemble! #2

[Nepmarthiturn]

Helloooo lovely people, a new thread for a us to continue to chat and connect with other autistic women (small talk and word mincing not required). 😊

As before, anybody newly stumbling upon this is very welcome to join us (even if still awaiting diagnosis). But we'd be grateful if others could leave us alone please, like the NT man we encountered in thread #1. 🤣

I'm sorry you're struggling so much @Psychoticbreak. Are there any things you like to do that occupy you physically and mentally? I find cooking, drawing, or playing a musical instrument or even reading can be great for turning off "washing machine brain" because you are ysing your body and mind so it crowds out any space for intrusive thoughts.

I'm sorry you're struggling @Psychoticbreak , I hope things work out for you.
I just wondered what people are doing to cope with Christmas? I'm going to visit family, bits will be tricky.

Loads of things I like to do but sadly I just cannot concentrate on any of them at the moment. I am in work itself tomorrow so that will be good for me I think.

After years of sensory overload and people pleasing, I have quiet Christmases these days. DD and I open presents then visit my Mum and Dad around the corner. We come home for our own dinner in our own house though. DD is particularly struggling at the moment with the build up to Christmas. She had a meltdown at school today as things aren't their usual routine. It was a craft day, which is lovely, but she hates not knowing what to expect. It's been awful watching her struggle more and more, but we do have a help plan in place and I just ensure she has plenty of quiet time at home with no obligations.

That sounds very sensible @RainbowZebraWarrior I hope your DD gets through the rest of term ok.
I'm spending it with limited family, my sister, bil, niece and nephew and my mum. The bit I'm dreading the most is the train journey to get to them, it's going to be packed.

Thank you, Snowy. I don't suppose there's any way you can avoid a packed train at this time of year. I hope it's not too long for you. Noise cancelling headphones are always my best bet when I have to do the occasional journey.

No, there isn't unfortunately, and people stick their luggage in the wheelchair space so there's nowhere to sit. I have my headphones at the ready, and thinking about taking my nintendo switch too.

So having decided in my head that I have been wrongly diagnosed with ASD I have been spending most of yesterday when I was not crying about the ex deep diving into autism and then crying cos I think the diagnosis is correct.

You're obviously (understandably) going through a raft of strong emotions as you process this diagnosis. I hope you can find some calm, soon. When I was diagnosed, I was expecting it so it wasn't quite the sledgehammer that you've experienced.

Sending you a gentle virtual hug.

@RainbowZebraWarrior thank you so much for that x

My mother has left things till the last minute as usual (despite my asking her not to) and two Christmas presents she ordered from Sainsbury's today for her great Nephew are out of stock. I decided I'd go to the Argos in our local Sainsbury's after school run to get something, so that it's done.

The store was open, but Argos wasn't open till 9, so there was a queue of people waiting to collect at 8.50 when I got there. I wandered over to one of the terminals near the tills and waited for that to come online. I was miles away in my head thinking about possible toys to search for in the 2 for £15 offer. I was sort of aware of a commotion in the queue, but still miles away. Eventually, a really aggressive woman from the front of the queue came over to me, gesticulating at me wildly, shouting "Queue for one, is it?" I just looked at her. She waved wildly back at the queue and screamed "There's a queue, you know!!" I just replied calmly "Yes, I know, I'm just waiting for this terminal to open" and pointed at the terminal. I was probably looking at her with a mix of and contempt and nonchalance. She just said "oh" really quietly and backed away. On a bad day, that would have sent me into a spin, set me off stimming, running out of the shop, or shouting back at her. I'm so pleased that my brain was obviously preoccupied and nonplussed this morning, as its allowed me to feel like I've come off looking composed for once in my life.

@Psychoticbreak I was also not surprised to get my diagnosis, so had already gone through the emotions you've described, a bit like Rainbow.

It's an awful lot to take in, isn't it. I'm not surprised you're feeling what you're feeling.

Argh.
Encouraged by me, DS2 applied for a grant from the Scottish Welfare Fund.

They emailed him, asking for further evidence of his bank statements.
I don't know how many times I reminded him to screenshot them and send them.

Today, his application was refused because he hadn't sent them.
ADHD I hate you sometimes.

I love DS though, all the same.

I see on the decision letter that you can request a review.

Might as well give it a try.

@RainbowZebraWarrior well done for jeeping your composure and putting her in her place very calmly! A shame that such people never actually apologise but her embarrassing herself like that was a win, maybe she'll think twice next time before behaving in an aggressive and rude way to a stranger!

@TheShellBeach how frustrating. Can he reapply with a letter stating he has ADHD and has just moved hence he couldn't manage to get the paperwork together last time but send it with the new application?

@Psychoticbreak totally agree with Shell and Rainbow. It's so much to take in, given yourself time. I hope being at work today is a good distraction.

@SnowyMouse when do you travel?

Previous Christmases have been hard here with family staying for days. I've limited their visits this year to what I and my children can cope with so we can have lots of downtime and rest, which we all so desperately need. I hope you find a balance that works for you. Taking some time for yourself is so important, don't ignore your needs just to please everyone else!

My antibiotics are finished but still in a lot of pain. Cough and breathing a but better so hoping the worst is over but the ME relapse the pneumonia caused has knocked me for six and I am worried how I'll get back to normal functioning. It's really scary how each year my health deteriorates further because I can't rest when I need to so it's a downwards spiral with my "baseline" of what I can manage getting smaller all the time. I feel like I could sleep for a year. So worried that eventually I'll not be able to work and care for my children, but there seems no way out of the situation. 😔 What I am expected to do every week is just not sustainable so the future feels very bleak.

Trying to put it out of my head over the Christmas break. Kids have a playdate here this PM so need to get showered and dressed. Then must, must, must wrap some present tonight, not crash as soon as they go to sleep.

@Nepmarthiturn I go on Saturday morning. Luckily the family I go to are all quite chilled, and they know about my autism (my mum and sister contributed to the assessment - bit tricky as they'd never told me anything was wrong, but they said to the psychologist that I'd had problems from quite young). So it's the journey itself that is the hardest bit.

I'm sorry you're suffering so much, I hope you can get through Christmas ok. It sounds really tough, not sure what to say if you can't reduce demands on you.

Good luck with the play date and present wrapping.

So my glorious DS arrived at my house and he was expecting a call from Social Security Scotland, to establish his identity.

Needless to say, he didn't bring his ID documents with him.

Luckily the man he spoke to was very, very understanding, and made a new appointment for him.

I opened this thread just to see what it was about......

....... and was horrified.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4966507-to-feel-sad-my-dd-missed-christmas-dinner

Came across this today: Podcast 484: Hormonal Fluctuations and ADHD: Impact of Menstrual Cycle, Pregnancy, Menopause (additudemag.com)

I have yet to listen to it but looked at the write up and very interesting that a lot of women show more ADHD symptoms when going through peri.

Oh my god. I haven’t got beyond page 1 and no way am I reading seventeen pages of abuse towards the OP and her poor daughter.

It’s so upsetting when you get a glimpse of how much people in general (outside of “our” world) truly despise anyone who is different, or struggles with simple things, or needs gentle accommodations in everyday life.

No, I agree, Jellycats.
I'm also not going to plough through pages and pages of people saying that the unfortunate autistic girl's experience will "teach her resilience".

The cruelty and ableism in that thread are off the scale.

God, that thread has made me livid!!!! 😡😡

Even a supposedly autistic poster on that thread referred to a meltdown as a “tantrum”. Get to fuck.

I felt the same after reading a thread the other day about excluding 1:1 LSAs from class Christmas collections because they don’t serve the entire class (except, of course, they DO).

One comment complained about children with SEN getting special attention “at taxpayer’s expense”.