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Original poster

I'm stuck in the loo forever now aren't I?

344 replies

YesitsBess · 28/07/2023 22:26

TW, bloody huge gallopy fucking spider.

I was having a nice day. I worked from home, had a nice dinner, settled down to watch a film with nary a care in the World.

During intermission I decided to go to the loo, and somehow managed to not see THIS WANKER until I was on the throne so to speak. She's approximately the size of a labrador.

She's frozen, I'm frozen.

I live here now don't I?

I'm stuck in the loo forever now aren't I?
OP posts:
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5
Mybusyday · 28/07/2023 22:35

Oh no! I would be frozen too! Is there a glass or a beaker you can put over it to catch it so you can escape?

Original poster
YesitsBess · 28/07/2023 22:35

Kindofcrunchy · 28/07/2023 22:33

Ffs it's a spider. No need for the theatrics, or a slipper. Just ignore it.

Your username suggests you do not ignore spiders...

OP posts:
sammylady37 · 28/07/2023 22:35

Backstreets · 28/07/2023 22:33

I’ve got nothing on, I’ll come over with a bit of kitchen roll and overpower it.

When I first read this I thought you meant you didn’t have any clothes on and were offering to do a naked woman v spider combat

AlfietheSchnauzer · 28/07/2023 22:36

Yeah chick a towel over it (biggest/heaviest you can reach) then stamp all over it. Then the next day when you're feeling brave, deal with towel throw towel away

Original poster
YesitsBess · 28/07/2023 22:36

MikiSu · 28/07/2023 22:31

Throw your phone at it 😱

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How on Earth would I update if I did that? How would you know it was me and not her replying?!

OP posts:
Backstreets · 28/07/2023 22:37

sammylady37 · 28/07/2023 22:35

When I first read this I thought you meant you didn’t have any clothes on and were offering to do a naked woman v spider combat

Show quote history

Think I saw that one, starring Raquel Welch

TenOhSeven · 28/07/2023 22:37

Aw, I quite like spiders. Have you said hello to it? Sometimes they just want a chat.

Original poster
YesitsBess · 28/07/2023 22:38

sammylady37 · 28/07/2023 22:35

When I first read this I thought you meant you didn’t have any clothes on and were offering to do a naked woman v spider combat

Show quote history

Crap, was that not what they were suggesting? Because I totally went there too.

Naked kitchen roll combat with 7 legged spider? This is what Friday night is for!

OP posts:
potatoes4all · 28/07/2023 22:38

I'm sorry OP, its spider's house now. You are clearly trespassing.

Lordlanky · 28/07/2023 22:39

So long as she's not blocking the door, then just creep past her and carry on with your evening. If she were going to eat you she'd have started coming at you while you were vulnerable with your knicks round your ankles, tripped you up and stomped on your head

As it is, Id say she's just visiting

Original poster
YesitsBess · 28/07/2023 22:40

Mybusyday · 28/07/2023 22:35

Oh no! I would be frozen too! Is there a glass or a beaker you can put over it to catch it so you can escape?

This is kind advice, however, if I had either of those things I would not be summoning naked people (turns out they might not be naked after all, just not busy and it's a colloquialisms misunderstanding) from the Internet to hit her with kitchen roll.

OP posts:
Original poster
YesitsBess · 28/07/2023 22:41

TenOhSeven · 28/07/2023 22:37

Aw, I quite like spiders. Have you said hello to it? Sometimes they just want a chat.

I've yelped in her direction. She looks fairly resolute in her positioning and hasn't replied.

OP posts:
Thack · 28/07/2023 22:41

I think you'll need to update the electoral roll for that one

Mummumgem · 28/07/2023 22:42

At least you’re sat comfortably 😂😂

do you have any spray cleaner you could spray on it, I mean you have to kill it right, you can’t just run, what happens when you need to loo in the night, it will be there waiting for you, or worst it might follow you.

no sorry it’s got to go, you must have some bathroom cleaner or something

good luck

if it’s any help I would just open the window and scream for help 🥹

maximist · 28/07/2023 22:42

Just pick it up and pop it out of the window. They don't bite FFS.

Original poster
YesitsBess · 28/07/2023 22:42

potatoes4all · 28/07/2023 22:38

I'm sorry OP, its spider's house now. You are clearly trespassing.

Well she's got the rubbish bathroom then. I suppose that's kinda fair?

OP posts:
theworldsgonefeckingmad · 28/07/2023 22:42

🤣🤣🤣 crying at you OP and these replies (and so bloody glad it isn't me!!)

Original poster
YesitsBess · 28/07/2023 22:43

Thack · 28/07/2023 22:41

I think you'll need to update the electoral roll for that one

What shall we name her. What SEVEN LEGGED MONSTROSITY SHALL WE NAME HER AFTER 🤔

Are there seven legged monstrosities?

OP posts:
toochesterdraws · 28/07/2023 22:44

YesitsBess · 28/07/2023 22:33

I do not have slippers, I recently did have slippers on but now do not. I am consumed with regret.

She clearly has form for fighting, she's been prepared to lose a LEG prior to this.

I live on the first floor, what the actual heck is she even doing up here?

I live on the first floor, what the actual heck is she even doing up here?

Looks like a common house spider to me, not the garden variety. They can climb up walls anyway. She's probably just as startled as you are.

romany4 · 28/07/2023 22:44

This fucker dropped on me from the ceiling as I was in the toilet this morning!
I screamed. But I did catch it and put it in the garden after..
Apparently it's a bitey mouse spider so I guess I was lucky

I'm stuck in the loo forever now aren't I?
londonba · 28/07/2023 22:44

Get the hoover out

Milkand2sugarsplease · 28/07/2023 22:44

She's there for the duration now. Changed the name on the deeds to the house and everything. Royal Mail will be delivering all her mail from now on, possibly including the amputated leg!! She's still because she's calculating a realistic rent to charge you for squatting on her turf...

Original poster
YesitsBess · 28/07/2023 22:46

Mummumgem · 28/07/2023 22:42

At least you’re sat comfortably 😂😂

do you have any spray cleaner you could spray on it, I mean you have to kill it right, you can’t just run, what happens when you need to loo in the night, it will be there waiting for you, or worst it might follow you.

no sorry it’s got to go, you must have some bathroom cleaner or something

good luck

if it’s any help I would just open the window and scream for help 🥹

There's no window. This is the world's most awful en suite but that's a whole other thread.

To access a window, I will have to leap over her like a gymnast, turn right, go through the living room and throw open the Juliette balcony doors in a very dramatic fashion.

I keep my cleaner stuff under the sink. Which is nowhere near the loo.

Current option is for fosberry flop over the spider, then burn house down.

OP posts:
INeedAnotherName · 28/07/2023 22:47

She's still because she's calculating a realistic rent to charge you for squatting on her turf...

Never heard a toilet called a turf before. Is that a regional saying? 🤔

MichelleScarn · 28/07/2023 22:47

potatoes4all · 28/07/2023 22:38

I'm sorry OP, its spider's house now. You are clearly trespassing.

Yep bow to your spider queen