Overheard something quite personal

[User5653218]

I was walking along the road and I could hear someone in a parked car having a chat on a hands free speaker. She had all her windows open and the speaker was really loud.

She was a carer for a care company, logo on the car. I couldn't really make out what the person in the car was saying but the person on the speakerphone could be heard clear as day by anyone nearby. They were obviously discussing the clients they had visited this morning and the speakerphone person said "when I went into Mary at number 14 this morning she had shat herself in her chair again" then they both started laughing.

Mary is not her real name, it is a very distinctive name, so I knew straight away who they were talking about. She's an elderly lady I know quite well. She would be mortified if she knew anyone walking past that car at that time knew that about her. And the car was parked just round the corner from her house so there's a good chance that anyone walking past might work out who they were talking about.

I stopped at the car and said "excuse me, I could hear really clearly what was being said on your speaker, I know the person you are laughing about."

The woman said "oh ffs, we're just having a laugh. Do you fancy wiping old women's bums after they've been sat in their own shit for god knows how long?"

And I said "No I wouldn't, I'm glad you're able to do it, but maybe you could just close your window or not use your speaker, then no-one would hear you"

She said "oh fuck off".

So I left.

Should I report them to their agency? I don't want to get them in trouble, they do do a job many people couldn't, but I know Mary would be devastated if she knew I'd heard that. I'm so angry for her. She's such a lovely lady, she tries so hard to keep her independence and dignity despite all her health problems.

I toyed with telling her, but it would just upset her and I'm not sure how easy it would be for her to find alternative care anyway, there's not much to choose from round our way. And I don't know if she would then be too embarrassed to speak to me. She doesn't have family, if she had a son or daughter I might have spoken to them.

But it makes me so angry that these women were laughing about her and that they will still be doing her personal care. Am I over-reacting? Were they just letting off steam after their early morning shift? It is a tough job, I have no doubt it's not fun to start your day with that. But that is their job and their clients can't help it. I'm sure they don't want to be like this either.

What would you do? I'm thinking I'll tell the agency but not Mary. Or is it enough that I spoke to the person in the car and maybe they'll think about it in future, even if they were rude to me at the time?

I guess I could do a semi-anonymous report where I just say that I overheard some chat in a car and could they please remind their staff to be discreet when having conversations in a public place, rather than give details?

Also northern. Not a chance you are coming you are coming near my Mum

Sorry but no. Saying something crass like 'I wipe bums for a living' when someone asks what you do is a 'warped sense of humour', still not great but not as openly offensive. Laughing and ridiculing Mary, on loud speaker in her own neighbourhood, for having 'shat herself in her chair again' is absolutely not the same.

I've also heard plenty of doctors discussing patients, I work in a hospital. Never heard then laughing about someone being sat in their own shit for hours.

As previous posters have mentioned, this needs escalating way beyond the care company. Besides the attitude of Mary's so-called carers, what sort of program is it that leaves her to sit in her own excrement?

@uglybettty

Exactly. Tone and context are crucial. They were clearly laughing at Mary. I’ve done the job, it’s hard and there is dark humour but a line was crossed here.

Louder for the morons in the back..
IT'S NOT A PRIVATE CONVERSATION IF PASSERS BY CAN HEAR YOU!
Talking about people behind closed doors is one thing, talking so loudly you can be heard from several feet away is not!

Thought you might 🙄. Doctors don’t speak freely in front of the staff. I was talking about when they are all together. I’ve heard ‘pissy pants’ ‘stinky winky’ and there just the ones I can repeat.

‘Sticking up’ can you read? I’m just saying how it is in real life, take your blinkers off. Bye bye, some of us have businesses to run.

Stinky winky are they 5 years old !

My husbands a surgeon.

I was answering a different comment not talking about the original post. She probably didn’t have a clue she was being overheard. I’ll reiterate for those of you who have trouble reading. It was her attitude to when she was approached that would worry me more as that showed a nasty side that I would be wary of and report.

Oh grief are we playing "well my daddy's a train driver so nerr" now?

Like I said they are the ones I can repeat, it’s a joke, you know satire, like when midwives say ‘ bloody hell she’s got a tunnel’ but you seem to think we should all be perfect.

@threatmatrix

Bye hun 👋 yOu sTriKe mE as A HUnnn type.

And yeah, we aren’t discussing PRIVATE conversations. Now off you pop.

Oh dear I’m so sorry to state what my husband does so the it explains why I know what they say behind closed doors. Green comes to mind.

You strike me as illiterate.

Absolutely this. Those saying ignore it clearly have low standards. Disgusting behavior.

🤣🤣 at first I thought you were just awful but now I think you're actually quite amusing.

Do find time in between your business and your husband being a surgeon to have a good old laugh at someones mother being incontinent. Lol.

Remember that old kindergarten cop film?

Who is your daddy and what does he do 🤣

Now now, she runs her own business ans talks about people being stinky winky. High end stuff.

@WildUnchartedWaters

🤣

Yes, we understood you the first time and understand that you think what she said was completely acceptable but would just object to being told to fuck off. We do understand you, we just think that's appalling.
Between your businesses and talking ahout your husband being a surgeon and all your silly insults on this thread (I was a jobs worth for thinking this woman should be sacked) it may have passed you by that people are allowed to think you're talking a load of rubbish and have an unpleasant view point without being illiterate.

Also I am afraid “stinky winky” and “pissy pants” isn’t really dark humour. I mean I’m not sure what sort of humour that is but I’ve worked with some terrifically funny consultants in my time.

You're just green because her husbands a surgeon.

🙄