Overheard something quite personal

[User5653218]

I was walking along the road and I could hear someone in a parked car having a chat on a hands free speaker. She had all her windows open and the speaker was really loud.

She was a carer for a care company, logo on the car. I couldn't really make out what the person in the car was saying but the person on the speakerphone could be heard clear as day by anyone nearby. They were obviously discussing the clients they had visited this morning and the speakerphone person said "when I went into Mary at number 14 this morning she had shat herself in her chair again" then they both started laughing.

Mary is not her real name, it is a very distinctive name, so I knew straight away who they were talking about. She's an elderly lady I know quite well. She would be mortified if she knew anyone walking past that car at that time knew that about her. And the car was parked just round the corner from her house so there's a good chance that anyone walking past might work out who they were talking about.

I stopped at the car and said "excuse me, I could hear really clearly what was being said on your speaker, I know the person you are laughing about."

The woman said "oh ffs, we're just having a laugh. Do you fancy wiping old women's bums after they've been sat in their own shit for god knows how long?"

And I said "No I wouldn't, I'm glad you're able to do it, but maybe you could just close your window or not use your speaker, then no-one would hear you"

She said "oh fuck off".

So I left.

Should I report them to their agency? I don't want to get them in trouble, they do do a job many people couldn't, but I know Mary would be devastated if she knew I'd heard that. I'm so angry for her. She's such a lovely lady, she tries so hard to keep her independence and dignity despite all her health problems.

I toyed with telling her, but it would just upset her and I'm not sure how easy it would be for her to find alternative care anyway, there's not much to choose from round our way. And I don't know if she would then be too embarrassed to speak to me. She doesn't have family, if she had a son or daughter I might have spoken to them.

But it makes me so angry that these women were laughing about her and that they will still be doing her personal care. Am I over-reacting? Were they just letting off steam after their early morning shift? It is a tough job, I have no doubt it's not fun to start your day with that. But that is their job and their clients can't help it. I'm sure they don't want to be like this either.

What would you do? I'm thinking I'll tell the agency but not Mary. Or is it enough that I spoke to the person in the car and maybe they'll think about it in future, even if they were rude to me at the time?

I guess I could do a semi-anonymous report where I just say that I overheard some chat in a car and could they please remind their staff to be discreet when having conversations in a public place, rather than give details?

Whether the conversation was private or not is not just the issue.

I would never want someone caring for my elderly parents who was secretly thinking derogatory and cruel insults let alone verbalising them.

No it's not normal.

Come on now, I too dispair at your short attention span. My 1st sentence stated that they broke client confidently & I wrote further down in my post to report her for that reason. Please read my comment properly.

I did however think that after being approached about it & being made aware that they were overheard the lady in her car was extremely rude. I wouldn't dream of talking to someone I don't know & swearing at them. In my opinion she should have apologised for talking about the client in the manner she did, once it was brought to her attention.
The fact she was so quick to be so rude speaks a lot to her character. Just my opinion. Not trying to defend either of them, yikes.

My father was an lead ENT surgeon and a GP. What's your point?

Tree ?

Uurrm, that I know what they said behind closed doors. Seriously.

What were the derogatory and cruel insults in this case? I wholeheartedly agree I wouldn’t want anybody saying derogatory and cruel insults about a loved one or the kids I work with (and for the record nicknames like Stinky Winky or Pissy Pants are absolutely not the sort of dark humour I would find acceptable in my role, if I heard a colleague saying anything like this about one of the kids in my care I would 100% pull them up on it and report it to management), I just don’t see how saying ‘she shit in the chair again’ is a cruel insult? It is just a fact of something that happened in the job. That’s the bit I’m struggling with on this thread, all the references to ‘slagging off’ and ‘cruel insults’ and ‘describing body parts in detail’ are confusing me because none of that is present in the single line of conversation the OP actually posted.

I agree the carers shouldn’t have been discussing Mary’s care in a public setting using identifiable information. I agree it was rude of the carer to respond with verbal aggression to the OP. I don’t think it is as black and white as some posters here are making it out to be in that I think there may be explanations to this which, whilst not making it okay, don’t mean the carers are the definition of evil as some people are making out here. I don’t think any person who swears when provoked is automatically unfit to work in care; I expect most parents have sworn at some point, should they have their entire character judged and be declared unfit to look after children and have their children removed based on a single interaction? It may be the carers are awful people, but it could also be they are reasonable people who snapped or made a poor judgement after a tough week etc. It’s impossible for anybody to tell from one interaction shared second hand on an internet forum.

What I find most hard to agree with though is that discussing the fact someone at your workplace shat in a chair with a colleague is slagging off, taking the piss, being cruel etc when it’s just a fact. As part of my shift handover at work I have to pass on things like this to my colleagues, obviously not in a public place or in earshot of the child/ young person but it is normal to share things like this with colleagues. Taking away the fact that it was discussed in public and overheard by someone who knew Mary I don’t see what in the initial single line of conversation OP overheard equates to derogatory comments or slagging off etc. If someone can explain it to me that would be great because I feel like I’m obviously reading a very different post to everybody else right now.

I know you think you're frightfully funny, but you actually just sound utterly batshit.

Not not really my ilk. Oh, and I’m more of a ‘darling’ type, but I’m sure you prefer using ‘Hun’. Telling me to ‘pop off’ when it’s you commenting on my post. Oh dear, but they do say ignorance is bliss. Good day to you, I hope you clam down soon.

Why thank you. But at least my comments don get deleted. I love a bit of fun seeing everyone being triggered. It greatly amuses me.

Not only nonsense rambling but totally at the wrong poster, in response to a post that wasnt aimed at you the first time.

No I cant imagine you enjoy it with your terribly superior sense of humour.

Btw, you dont get deleted because you dont get reported, because try as you might to derail the thread and have all the attention, nothing you've said is worth more than an eye roll.

But it’s been worth it to you obviously, jumping on my every word. I’d never report a comment as I believe in free speech unlike you who has tried your best to belittle everything I’ve said. Obviously someone’s reported comments aimed at me. I’ve never felt so entertained by a simple comment.

Thank you, I've been thinking much the same.

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I'm ignoring your comments as to not report and ask them to look into sock puppeting/name changing.
Which is fine as you appear to just be talking to yourself.

Answering my comments is hardly ignoring them. Oh dear you do entertain me.

I've not a clue what that means. I thought I commented on someone else's post (who I agreed with) and not yours?

This is the 1st Mumsnet thread I've ever posted in and I can see it'll be the last. It's very hostile here. I only wanted to talk to people, looking after my newborn is getting lonely at times and I thought that's what Mumsnet was for? Advice and company?
I'm obviously naive or an idiot, perhaps both at this point. Goodbye won't be coming back to Mumsnet for any advice.

Oops, you forgot to name change there!

Please stop. Its really bizarre behaviour.

I repeat what I said at 4:49 Today, whatever today is right now over there. I'm not a lawyer, but I would think reporting the person on speakerphone wouldn't go far - maybe a reprimand. She could say she didn't know she was on speakerphone. If there is anything like here, she can say any rotten thing she likes and it's protected under Freedom of Speech. It is a wonderful would and intelligence runs rampant.

One more comment before I unthread - To those defending the rude, foul-mouthed girl based on she cleans up shit or gets low pay, she accepted the job which means she accepted all the rules and responsibilities of it. I suspect those rules include never discussing a client, especially in public, and always maintaining a proper decorum. And although OP couldn't hear her comments, her comments to OP shows she's one of the many who don't understand proper decorum. She should be reported (as she was) and hopefully fired because if she doesn't understand it by now, she probably never will. Let's hope getting canned will turn on a light.

She and speakerphone idiot are free to think what they want inside their own head and free to say what they wish about a client in private. On a public street where others can hear is not in private, and her attitude toward OP and foul-mouth doesn't speak well for the company that employs her.

I doubt they can sack either of them on the basis of one persons word and I doubt they’d fess up, but it’s worthy of investigating further and more ‘training’, if it’s a one off incident.

Over reaction there.. there are loads of people who would take the job if she left.

Dignity is part of the training and clearly this wasn't adhered to.

The subject matter was very personal and shouldn't have been overheard.

Report to company saying what you witnessed. And for someone in a company car and uniform they should not be swearing at anyone. This brings the company name into disrepute.

Name change? I don’t understand what you mean? I just look at the link and answer it. Maybe you are confusing me with someone else. I don’t and never have done a name change so I really don’t know what you are bleating on about.

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