Overheard something quite personal

[User5653218]

I was walking along the road and I could hear someone in a parked car having a chat on a hands free speaker. She had all her windows open and the speaker was really loud.

She was a carer for a care company, logo on the car. I couldn't really make out what the person in the car was saying but the person on the speakerphone could be heard clear as day by anyone nearby. They were obviously discussing the clients they had visited this morning and the speakerphone person said "when I went into Mary at number 14 this morning she had shat herself in her chair again" then they both started laughing.

Mary is not her real name, it is a very distinctive name, so I knew straight away who they were talking about. She's an elderly lady I know quite well. She would be mortified if she knew anyone walking past that car at that time knew that about her. And the car was parked just round the corner from her house so there's a good chance that anyone walking past might work out who they were talking about.

I stopped at the car and said "excuse me, I could hear really clearly what was being said on your speaker, I know the person you are laughing about."

The woman said "oh ffs, we're just having a laugh. Do you fancy wiping old women's bums after they've been sat in their own shit for god knows how long?"

And I said "No I wouldn't, I'm glad you're able to do it, but maybe you could just close your window or not use your speaker, then no-one would hear you"

She said "oh fuck off".

So I left.

Should I report them to their agency? I don't want to get them in trouble, they do do a job many people couldn't, but I know Mary would be devastated if she knew I'd heard that. I'm so angry for her. She's such a lovely lady, she tries so hard to keep her independence and dignity despite all her health problems.

I toyed with telling her, but it would just upset her and I'm not sure how easy it would be for her to find alternative care anyway, there's not much to choose from round our way. And I don't know if she would then be too embarrassed to speak to me. She doesn't have family, if she had a son or daughter I might have spoken to them.

But it makes me so angry that these women were laughing about her and that they will still be doing her personal care. Am I over-reacting? Were they just letting off steam after their early morning shift? It is a tough job, I have no doubt it's not fun to start your day with that. But that is their job and their clients can't help it. I'm sure they don't want to be like this either.

What would you do? I'm thinking I'll tell the agency but not Mary. Or is it enough that I spoke to the person in the car and maybe they'll think about it in future, even if they were rude to me at the time?

I guess I could do a semi-anonymous report where I just say that I overheard some chat in a car and could they please remind their staff to be discreet when having conversations in a public place, rather than give details?

👏

This is a safeguarding issue and a major one at that. Several red flags and outrageous behaviour overall.

I work close to this environment, and have done for about 10 years.
Put simply, it is a tough and wearing job, with great joys but also pitfalls. You can become emotionally blunted, then a bit offhand, then perhaps a bit callous.

If a callous culture develops then things can become very bad - but still be difficult to notice from "outside". You have precious information that seems highly reliable that could stop bad things going on or getting worse.

it is really important to report it, with maximum identifying information.

I would suggest finding the Local Authority or even Care Quality Commission local "safeguarding" contact point and reporting all you can to them. Doing this might well halt sickening ill treatment and the helpless fear this causes.

Do speak up!

So they shouldn't have said what they did as it's confidential. Yes they were having banter between themselves which does happen in care work which I do myself. Never quite said anything so horrible about a client myself but who knows what kind of morning they had had. It's the fact she told you to fuck off that grates on me. Report her for her foul language to a member of the public and breaching data protection for the clients in her care. Carer sounds like a cow so hope she gets a talking to, although these days with carers being in such short supply I doubt she will be sacked etc.

I have done this job. I didn't sit and laugh about people sitting in their own soiled clothing and then tell concerned neighbours to fuck off. Neither did anyone else I've ever worked with as far as I know. Hard jobs don't excuse dickhead behaviour and safeguarding red flags.

I have told my manager to fuck off on more than one occasion for example and it was just shrugged off. Not a big deal in my local northern working class area, although was very different when I lived down south in a naice middle class area.

Please do not tar everyone northern and working class with your own brush. I'm northern/working class and wouldn't dream of behaving like this.

What a stupid comment. More likely Mary would be given a different set of carers and get stellar treatments in the hood the OP hasn't informed her or her family as well.
Hopefully they do sack these women too. We don't need these kind of 'carers' looking after, and ridiculing, vulnerable people.

I totally disagree. I think the behaviour is worse than the fuck off.

Report it to the agency and to CQC. It's totally unacceptable to speak about clients this way, and even more so, naming them, and in the vicinity of their neighbours who could overhear as you did.
And from a business point of view its unwise and unacceptable to tell a member of the public to Fuck off.
I've been in care 23 years, 20 as a manager and I would sack a member of staff for this as soon as look at them. Because the Attitude this sort of behaviour almost always belies in my experience doesn't stop at 'banter' between colleagues. It feeds through into how the clients are treated. It's abuse, and a breach of confidentiality. It removes someone's privacy and dignity. It's absolutely not ok.

Light relief?

The fuck off being the worst part?

RATHER THAN THE CHARACTER OF PEOPLE CARING FOR VULNERABLE PEOPLE????

I am absolutely astounded at this thread.

Would you say the same about all the SEXIST, RACIST AND HOMOPHOBIC language that goes on between police officers in their dodgy little WhatsApp groups??

Because they have a hard job???? 🫠🫠🫠

Fuck right off with that.

I seriously hope this is not a carer.

Yes do report it. I completely accept that people doing difficult jobs will want to have a laugh and let of steam, but this particular case is unacceptable. The behaviour is reportable due to:

1. The worker was breaching patient confidentiality by speaking about a service user loudly in public. Confidentiality is one of the absolute basics of the job. If they don't know that then they're in the wrong job anyway.

1. Having pointed out point 1 to the worker, instead of saying 'oh wow I didn't realise how loud I was being, I'm so sorry' (which would have then been fine to leave it at that), she was abusive, a second unacceptable action on her part.

I hope you feel better for reporting it and I hope something changes :)

The swearing bothers you more than the breach of patient confidentiality? Whilst uncalled for and unpleasant I couldn't care less if someone swore at me for calling out wrong behaviour, it's the wrong behaviour that is the problem!!

Honestly I despair.

Don't tell Mary. God bless her heart. She sounds lovely.

DO tell the company. The carer doesn't sound very caring at all.

👏👏👏

I worked in adult social care for ages, two colleagues were overheard in Waitrose talking about a client, this was reported to the local authority. The result; change in protocols, reminders of GDPR and unacceptable behaviour, training initiatives from agencies contracted, a major catalyst for change.
Definitely report it, the service users rights will be upheld, people will be disciplined, services will improve.

It’s not what they said that’s so wrong as we all say things we shouldn’t when we think no one’s listening and care is such hard work you end up with a warped sense of humour. It’s the way she reacted when you spoke to her, that is what I’d be reporting as that shows more of a nasty nature.

No.

Well that answer was insightful

It’s not what they said that’s so wrong as we all say things we shouldn’t when we think no one’s listening and care is such hard work you end up with a warped sense of humour. It’s the way she reacted when you spoke to her, that is what I’d be reporting as that shows more of a nasty nature.
*
SERIOUSLY???
I don't understand this perspective at all?

You think the worst behaviour is someone telling someone to fuck off?

Not the fact that a CARER is talking in the most abhorrent way about a service user and breaking confidentiality???

I have absolutely no words left.

So let's think of this in a different scenario.

Girl A sees Girl B being bullied by Girl C in the playground.

Girl A calls this out.

Girl C tells Girl A to fuck off.

Girl A then considers telling a teacher about Girl C telling her to fuck off. She is more concerned about this than Girl C being a nasty bully.

Is this right?

Like hell would my daughter be more focused on being told to fuck off. She has been raised with some kind of morals and to feel strongly about witnessing and calling out injustices. ESPECIALLY regarding vulnerable people.

If you're not raising your kids like this, YOU are part of the problem in this world.*

About as insightful as yours. Time and time again on this thread someone has come to say the way they were speaking was okay cause it's a hard job and relief bla bla bla and the fuck off is the problem. Its getting tedious needing to explain to grown adults why the whole thing is disgusting and the person concerned should be sacked.

Some very good advice here. All I can say is that most workers, including myself, have let off steam about “clients” to colleagues but never in anyone’s hearing. I would report to social services ( overworked and underpaid too) and let them deal with it, safe guarding is in their remit. It seems like ducking out but the abusive woman could take revenge if you report her directly.

Oh dear you’ve obviously never heard Doctors talking. Private conversations are just that, private. Sacked for saying the word ‘shit’. Go jump on someone else’s comment as you have no idea how people in these stressful jobs joke amongst themselves. Jobsworth.

As a Psychotherapist who has worked in various roles in mental health for the past 15 years, from acute psychiatric wards to general wards to community services, I am VERY WELL AWARE of the black sense of humour you can develop.

There is a line.

People who cross that line need to be exposed and weeded out.

I would rather stand up in front my entire team and call someone's despicable behaviour out and lose my job than sit by and say nothing.

I have openly said this to colleagues who shut their damned mouths after that.

Well, you're one of about two people on the thread who have the view you do, so...and I sincerely hope none of you genuinely work in healthcare.

Not that I'm surprised you are sticking up for this woman, who behaves however she likes then gives people abuse...hm, sounds familiar.