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Original poster

Overheard something quite personal

990 replies

User5653218 · 14/07/2023 11:20

I was walking along the road and I could hear someone in a parked car having a chat on a hands free speaker. She had all her windows open and the speaker was really loud.

She was a carer for a care company, logo on the car. I couldn't really make out what the person in the car was saying but the person on the speakerphone could be heard clear as day by anyone nearby. They were obviously discussing the clients they had visited this morning and the speakerphone person said "when I went into Mary at number 14 this morning she had shat herself in her chair again" then they both started laughing.

Mary is not her real name, it is a very distinctive name, so I knew straight away who they were talking about. She's an elderly lady I know quite well. She would be mortified if she knew anyone walking past that car at that time knew that about her. And the car was parked just round the corner from her house so there's a good chance that anyone walking past might work out who they were talking about.

I stopped at the car and said "excuse me, I could hear really clearly what was being said on your speaker, I know the person you are laughing about."

The woman said "oh ffs, we're just having a laugh. Do you fancy wiping old women's bums after they've been sat in their own shit for god knows how long?"

And I said "No I wouldn't, I'm glad you're able to do it, but maybe you could just close your window or not use your speaker, then no-one would hear you"

She said "oh fuck off".

So I left.

Should I report them to their agency? I don't want to get them in trouble, they do do a job many people couldn't, but I know Mary would be devastated if she knew I'd heard that. I'm so angry for her. She's such a lovely lady, she tries so hard to keep her independence and dignity despite all her health problems.

I toyed with telling her, but it would just upset her and I'm not sure how easy it would be for her to find alternative care anyway, there's not much to choose from round our way. And I don't know if she would then be too embarrassed to speak to me. She doesn't have family, if she had a son or daughter I might have spoken to them.

But it makes me so angry that these women were laughing about her and that they will still be doing her personal care. Am I over-reacting? Were they just letting off steam after their early morning shift? It is a tough job, I have no doubt it's not fun to start your day with that. But that is their job and their clients can't help it. I'm sure they don't want to be like this either.

What would you do? I'm thinking I'll tell the agency but not Mary. Or is it enough that I spoke to the person in the car and maybe they'll think about it in future, even if they were rude to me at the time?

I guess I could do a semi-anonymous report where I just say that I overheard some chat in a car and could they please remind their staff to be discreet when having conversations in a public place, rather than give details?

OP posts:
WildUnchartedWaters · 18/07/2023 15:37

HariboPotter · 18/07/2023 11:00

This!
Carers need to be able to vent the stress of the job, sometimes the approachcan seem uncaring and callus to an outsider. I guarantee you the carer will care as soon as the door to the patient opens.
Let it go. Don't destroy two lifes for the sake of dignity out of context.

Show quote history

No.

ITryHarder · 18/07/2023 17:06

I told myself a couple of times to UNwatch this thread, but I hung in there mainly because I wanted to see what more MolkosTeenageAngst had to say. I appreciated the innocent naivety that often was more thought-provoking than many other posts. But, in the last several pages, this thread has become the equivalent of flogging a dead horse. Best wishes to Mary.

Catsmere · 18/07/2023 22:51

ITryHarder · 18/07/2023 17:06

I told myself a couple of times to UNwatch this thread, but I hung in there mainly because I wanted to see what more MolkosTeenageAngst had to say. I appreciated the innocent naivety that often was more thought-provoking than many other posts. But, in the last several pages, this thread has become the equivalent of flogging a dead horse. Best wishes to Mary.

I hung in hoping OP would take it further than the agency.

HariboPotter · 18/07/2023 23:26

Yep fair I responded very quickly after reading. I think I was sticking up for the carers instinctive, carers who seem to get treated by many here as tools to be discarded should they say even one wrong word in frustration.

Tessabelle74 · 19/07/2023 00:04

HariboPotter · 18/07/2023 23:26

Yep fair I responded very quickly after reading. I think I was sticking up for the carers instinctive, carers who seem to get treated by many here as tools to be discarded should they say even one wrong word in frustration.

Oh get lost! I'm a carer and I'd report them! We don't need people like this is the profession, they'll be appearing on some undercover program next getting us all a bad name!

Yfory · 19/07/2023 00:08

Please report them to the agency. If the agency dont seem bothered please report to whoever is above them.
Years ago the carers looking after my grandmother were gossiping about a very famous lady that they also looked after. I was only a teen at the time (this was the 90s) and still feel sad that they felt free to say demeaning things about the sad state one of my childhood heroines had got into.

thelionthewitchtheaudacityofTHISbitch · 19/07/2023 19:50

LaterHarold · 18/07/2023 11:43

I don't think this is a breach of GDPR, but it is undoubtedly a breach of patient confidentiality which is equally important and will be referred to in employees' contracts.

Show quote history

It is a breach of GDPR. Information that identified the personal individual was shared in a way that allowed people who didnt need to know that information to know it and be able to identify the individual. The information shared was of the sensitive personal data category. Rules around that data management are much more stringent than other personal data. For very good reasons.

LaterHarold · 20/07/2023 10:00

Disagree. There was no breach of data. No data was collected, processed or held. This is something entirely different,

Fuckstix · 20/07/2023 10:13

LaterHarold · 20/07/2023 10:00

Disagree. There was no breach of data. No data was collected, processed or held. This is something entirely different,

I would say that patient's name, the fact that she receives personal care and has double/ faecal incontinence is all confidential data held by the carers and not for public sharing.

JamieFrasersfurrysporran · 20/07/2023 13:13

It's against their code of conduct and also a breach of the principles of the Regulation of Care Act

thelionthewitchtheaudacityofTHISbitch · 20/07/2023 21:00

LaterHarold · 20/07/2023 10:00

Disagree. There was no breach of data. No data was collected, processed or held. This is something entirely different,

This is the ICO definition (from their website):

"What is a personal data breach?A personal data breach means a breach of security leading to the accidental or unlawful destruction, loss, alteration, unauthorised disclosure of, or access to, personal data. This means that a breach is more than just losing personal data."

This is clearly unauthorised disclosure of personal data. (The processed data (including collection, storage and held) was of the details of the individual by the company, accessed by its employees, including a first name that was so unusual it was identifiable within the local area). Add to that this is sensitve personal data regarding medical matters.

With all due respect if you work in this field I suggest you upgrade your training.

Sarahfreakinglew · 22/07/2023 15:57

The most IMPORTANT thing here is that we are thinking of MARYS best interests.

You need way up the exact situation. Is Mary happy with her current situation? Does she seem happy?

Clearly like you said she's a very old woman and would be mortified if anyone was talking about her in this way.
By going Full Karen and telling the company could put MARY is a worse situation.
In these situations ignorance is bliss especially if she's happy and hasn't got long left to live.

It's good that you spoke out. Hopefully next time these girls will think twice before they tell the whole street they're working life. But like she said. She does wipe old people arse all day and that can be draining. It's good to have a release. Not that I agree with the way this girl has gone about it.

Like I said, it's important to know what best for MARY.

Catpuss66 · 22/07/2023 19:31

Sarahfreakinglew · 22/07/2023 15:57

The most IMPORTANT thing here is that we are thinking of MARYS best interests.

You need way up the exact situation. Is Mary happy with her current situation? Does she seem happy?

Clearly like you said she's a very old woman and would be mortified if anyone was talking about her in this way.
By going Full Karen and telling the company could put MARY is a worse situation.
In these situations ignorance is bliss especially if she's happy and hasn't got long left to live.

It's good that you spoke out. Hopefully next time these girls will think twice before they tell the whole street they're working life. But like she said. She does wipe old people arse all day and that can be draining. It's good to have a release. Not that I agree with the way this girl has gone about it.

Like I said, it's important to know what best for MARY.

So you would be happy if they spoke about your mom like that? How do you know she hasn’t got long to live. Nobody wanted to tell Mary are you are saying what they did was ok? I lived & grew up in an old people’s home no one spoke about the residents like that.

Catsmere · 22/07/2023 22:41

Sarahfreakinglew · 22/07/2023 15:57

The most IMPORTANT thing here is that we are thinking of MARYS best interests.

You need way up the exact situation. Is Mary happy with her current situation? Does she seem happy?

Clearly like you said she's a very old woman and would be mortified if anyone was talking about her in this way.
By going Full Karen and telling the company could put MARY is a worse situation.
In these situations ignorance is bliss especially if she's happy and hasn't got long left to live.

It's good that you spoke out. Hopefully next time these girls will think twice before they tell the whole street they're working life. But like she said. She does wipe old people arse all day and that can be draining. It's good to have a release. Not that I agree with the way this girl has gone about it.

Like I said, it's important to know what best for MARY.

RTFT. OP has long since informed the company.

"Full Karen" nice bit of internalised misogyny there.

WildUnchartedWaters · 23/07/2023 01:43

HariboPotter · 18/07/2023 23:26

Yep fair I responded very quickly after reading. I think I was sticking up for the carers instinctive, carers who seem to get treated by many here as tools to be discarded should they say even one wrong word in frustration.

No they dont.

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