Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Was I wrong to bake a cake?

211 replies

KittensBeheadingPeonies · 01/07/2023 14:43

DH and I have been on a diet (low-ish carb and limited calories) for a week and I think he’s gone insane. I’ve been very disciplined so far, DH on the other hand has been struggling and ended up eating more than he wanted on probably 4 out of 8 days. I need to lose a lot more weight than him, though, so fine for him to be a little more relaxed, IMO.

Last night I baked a (large) low-carb cheesecake. The ingredients had already been sitting in the fridge for two weeks (didn’t get round to baking the last time I had planned to) and I fancied cheesecake. DH told me he didn’t want any of my ’stupid cake' and to give it to my parents who have come up to the city for the weekend (but aren’t staying with us). Fine with me, whatever, this was kind of the plan anyways. This morning he proceeds to eat four slices of the very nice indeed cheesecake and now he’s mad at me for tempting him. He was also really annoyed that I hadn’t eaten any as yet (was planning to have some later with my parents). He’s just gone into the kitchen, cut a massive slice of cake, decorated it with berries, put it on my desk in front of me and said ’See, this is what it’s like having it right in front of your nose, let’s see if you can resist now.’ Then stormed out. Is this completely unhinged behaviour or does he have a point and I shouldn’t have baked it in the first place?

PS. I’m not the greedy husband troll (my DH is normally more sensible than me!) and English isn’t my first language before anyone jumps on my SPAG.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 01/07/2023 14:44

Could I have the recipe please.

mynameiscalypso · 01/07/2023 14:45

He sounds unhinged. Is he struggling with the idea of you losing weight (and being better at it) than him?

mynameiscalypso · 01/07/2023 14:45

Sorry bracket in the wrong place!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

ApplesInTheSunshine · 01/07/2023 14:45

I think it was silly of you to bake a cake when you’re supposed to be losing weight Confused

But he is responsible for his own self-control.

KeepSellChuck · 01/07/2023 14:46

RampantIvy · 01/07/2023 14:44

Could I have the recipe please.

Sorry, but this first response made me chuckle 😆

PurBal · 01/07/2023 14:47

Oo yes, recipe please.

He is an adult: he can’t blame you for his lack of self control.

WilkinsonM · 01/07/2023 14:47

I think it was weird and unhelpful of you to make a cheesecake when you're both on a diet, yes. It's not the action of a supportive partner!

Ostrichbraid · 01/07/2023 14:49

He's probably addicted to carbs and having a really hard time with cravings if it's not normal behaviour.
Personally I have to go cold turkey on sugar, bread and sugary things because I can't have a small morsel as it sets off a desire for a feeding frenzy.
Time for a chat about how you're both going to approach this. Best of luck!

FortofPud · 01/07/2023 14:50

He obviously struggles massively with self control, but rather than take responsibility for that himself is making it your fault. I think fighting any major bad habit can be tough emotionally and leave you feeling strained and grumpy, but he was very unfair to you.

ChittyBangabang · 01/07/2023 14:50

He's clearly struggling and this hasn't helped with his lack of control.

He's being passive aggressive though.

Why don't you both sit down and talk about it? He may have food control issues.

Catchasingmewithspiders · 01/07/2023 14:50

It sounds like he has an unhealthy relationship with food and is blaming you for this

He is far more likely to lose weight if he gets to the bottom of what's causing the unhealthy relationship rather than expecting those around him to moderate their behaviour

Easier said than done to get him to see this. I had to have this conversation with my DH as he either eats way too much unhealthy food with no limit or becomes way too obsessed with every calorie and ingredient. He has no middle ground and his actual issue isn't weight but his relationship with food and his body. It took him awhile to help him to see this

doitwithlove · 01/07/2023 14:52

Not your fault at all. He needs to learn and practice self control.

fluffi · 01/07/2023 14:53

You shouldn’t have baked a “huge” cheesecake, that is unnecessary and unhelpful temptation for someone who is already struggling to stay in their calorie parameters. It’s not very supportive and makes even less sense if you are both trying to lose weight

Hes making a point in a slightly over dramatic way, if he hadn’t stormed out then I’d say he was being reasonable.

If was trying to lose weight and my partner was baking and leaving cheesecakes in plain sight in the fridge I’d have a word but wouldn’t storm out!

BreviloquentBastard · 01/07/2023 14:53

I sympathise with him to an extent because I'm currently dieting and husband is not, and the bloody ridiculous amount of biscuits the man eats does test my discipline to it's limits... But then again controlling my eating is up to me, and I'd never shout at or lose my temper with my biscuit fiend of a husband.

It does sound like he has some real self-control issues when it comes to food though. Four slices of cake is absurd even if you're not dieting. So while his behaviour is ridiculous and over the top, perhaps this is his completely inept way of telling you he needs a lot of support with his weight loss, and making a big cake is perhaps not the most supportive gesture.

Luckydog7 · 01/07/2023 14:53

Its a low carb cake though so it fine to have a slice...

yanbu he needs to control himself better or at least not blame you. if he is struggling so much he needs to take responsibility for that and have a discussion with you that he is finding it hard and could you please try to help him by not having tempting food available. He needs to use his words!

Smallyellowbird · 01/07/2023 14:54

He's being totally unreasonable! How does he cope when he's out in the world and there are shops and cafes filled with treats?

He's obviously finding dieting very hard, I know when I've dieted before I can get a bit obsessed about food, but he obviously shouldn't be taking it out on you and he owes you an apology.

That he ate so much of a cake you planned to share with your parents is a bit shitty too.

I'm not going to advise you to LTB as I'm starting a diet on Monday, and might feel the same as him by Wednesday.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 01/07/2023 14:55

This is absolutely ridiculous and slightly nutty behaviour 🤣🤣

readbooksdrinktea · 01/07/2023 14:56

I wouldn't engage with that nonsense. I'd probably wonder what the hell was the matter with him and ask him to dial down the crazy behaviour or go see a doctor about his issues. That's because he would have pissed me off completely.

Codlingmoths · 01/07/2023 14:58

I’m only here to find out the recipe for a delicious low carb cheesecake!

ikno · 01/07/2023 14:58

To be honest I see both sides! I put on weight at my last job because there was always cakes and snacks in the office, and even with all the willpower in the world, it is tempting to graze when it’s right in front of you and you’re bored. But he’s a grown adult, he can say no to temptation and move past his mental block. I think if I were you, I’d switch it around and be angry at him because the cheesecake was meant for your parents as discussed in the last conversation you both had about it? It was off limits for him to eat regardless

MissChanandlerB0NG · 01/07/2023 14:58

I think you DH must be missing the carbs as his reaction is totally off the wall! Your cheesecake sounds great. Tell DH to stop being a grump and if he doesn't want to diet right now then he really doesn't have too.🤣

DorotheaHomeAlone · 01/07/2023 14:58

He is acting crazy and can’t even use ‘hanger’ as an excuse after eating 4(!?) slices of cake. I’ve no experience of dieting but am a healthy weight and baking a specific treat, after watching your overall calorie intake and then eating a single slice and sharing with family sounds like a very sensible, measured approach to me. His disordered binge eating is his lookout.

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 01/07/2023 14:59

Low Carb cheesecake you say...

I can see both sides tbh. You weren't BU to bake a cake for your parents. But I also struggle massively with self control. When I was on a diet many years ago my ex would come home with whatever he knew I couldn't resist, and then comment that I didn't have to eat it, but he thought I deserved a treat.

TwoFourSixEightNeverTooLate · 01/07/2023 14:59

There have been plenty of posts on here from overweight women who are trying to diet and who are cross that their husbands have bought/cooked Breakfast/cakes or whatever.

The DH is always pulled apart for tempting the op and ruining their diet/not supporting them.

No one ever says to the op then that they are in control of their diet, need to practice self control or they could have said no etc etc.

MeinKraft · 01/07/2023 15:00

He's hangry. Throw a snickers at him.