Was I wrong to bake a cake?

[KittensBeheadingPeonies]

DH and I have been on a diet (low-ish carb and limited calories) for a week and I think he’s gone insane. I’ve been very disciplined so far, DH on the other hand has been struggling and ended up eating more than he wanted on probably 4 out of 8 days. I need to lose a lot more weight than him, though, so fine for him to be a little more relaxed, IMO.

Last night I baked a (large) low-carb cheesecake. The ingredients had already been sitting in the fridge for two weeks (didn’t get round to baking the last time I had planned to) and I fancied cheesecake. DH told me he didn’t want any of my ’stupid cake' and to give it to my parents who have come up to the city for the weekend (but aren’t staying with us). Fine with me, whatever, this was kind of the plan anyways. This morning he proceeds to eat four slices of the very nice indeed cheesecake and now he’s mad at me for tempting him. He was also really annoyed that I hadn’t eaten any as yet (was planning to have some later with my parents). He’s just gone into the kitchen, cut a massive slice of cake, decorated it with berries, put it on my desk in front of me and said ’See, this is what it’s like having it right in front of your nose, let’s see if you can resist now.’ Then stormed out. Is this completely unhinged behaviour or does he have a point and I shouldn’t have baked it in the first place?

PS. I’m not the greedy husband troll (my DH is normally more sensible than me!) and English isn’t my first language before anyone jumps on my SPAG.

He's only been doing it for a week for christs sake. For some people it can take around 3 weeks to lose the body's effect

And its not clear what sort of low carb they're doing. Some people have a carb intake under about 40g a day, some lower, personally mine hover around 70g a day as I like to include peas/beans/pulses other fruit and veg which might be higher carb.

Your DH's reaction was inappropriate when he hadn't been managing to stick to the diet even before you made the cake. And you shouldn't be expected to tiptoe around his issues with portion control. But after this experience it would probably be wrong to make a cake when he's "on a diet" in future.

He lacks self control around food and he knows it.

Yes he does.

So what dose his partner do? Put a cheesecake in front of him. A cheesecake she decided to make, sourced the ingredients and made. A choice she made. Not an impulsive buy shoving it in her trolley in Asda.

Nice. Really loving behaviour.

Sugar is addictive like drugs, ciggies and booze.

I suppose OP feeling like she has more weight lose, she doesnt want to see it dropping off him quickly and she'll get left feeling she is making slower progress so subconsciously sabotages her husbands progress

The problem is men do lose it much quicker than women, its very annoying.

Because they're also on a low calorie diet and that cake has more than 3 big tubs of cream cheese in it!!! That alone is over 2000 calories before you add the biscuits, sugar, sour cream, eggs etx.

I agree with this.

Yes, he was over the top but if you're trying to diet, your partner makes a cheesecake, and you struggle with self control, then it was an extremely unhelpful thing for you to do.

I mean the diet was a week old! It wasn't very kind or thoughtful of you.

I'd think a partner was trying to sabotage my efforts if they did this.

Yes, you were wrong to bake a cake. He was wrong to react the way he did.

@KittensBeheadingPeonies you need to post elsewhere about this as people won't understand why you really didn't do anything wrong.

He's not scuppered anything by eating it, and you didn't do anything wrong by baking it.

What you do need to do, though, is help him to understand how to actually make this work for him.

'Cheating' every other day is scuppering it for him, so he needs to figure out how to actually do it properly, so he can have a good go at it in a way that will actually work.

Are you following a plan/some guidelines? If you're new to it you need to understand the underlying principles in order to make it work. There are lots of 'normal' things people do in 'diet culture' that will set him back.

Men generally see great results with low carbing so there's a good chance he can make strides in getting healthier/losing a bit more weight.

Good luck!

Which I literally said I can't do. Like, literally in the same post.

I eat about three low carb ones a year so I think I'm safe from the dire warnings

the cheesecake was without a crust, high protein and high fat. That is the whole point of low carbing. You fill up on protein and fat and don't eat carbs, or many of them, and you don't go low fat or count calories because protein and fats keeps you full.

Since there was no sugar in the cheesecake, that isn't relevant now, is it?

So people in your household can’t eat certain things because you can’t resist them?

She made it to use up ingredients that were already in the fridge before they embarked on the low carbing, and so that she could take it to her parents' place. No sugar in it, no biscuits.

I think a lot of people have missed the fact that it was the filling only, and there was no sugar in it.

Perfectly acceptable for low carbing.

But I will accept that perhaps it was too early for OP to make a treat food as obviously it has tipped him over into overeating.

The cheese itself is not a problem for low carbing but if they've chosen to combine it with limited calorie then it will obviously cause issues in that respect. However on a low carb plan the cheese is absolutely fine and OP did nothing wrong.

I am at slimming world. I still bake cakes, make pies, make quiches especially when the children are here. my dh is also trying to lose a bit of weight. however he wouldnt dream of doing this. dieting is about your own self control not telling everyone to remove temptation. he needs to give his head a wobble. does he often blame you for his own inadequacies?

😂😂😂

i know I’m missing the point of the thread but DH & I generally eat healthily but we do like cake so when I make one, I portion it up & freeze all but 2 portions rather than leave it out to be eaten all in one go

Well, at least he didn't take it far away outside to hide it. Like the local park or something. If he had done that and it had rained, heaven knows what it could have turned out like. All the sweet green icing would have flowed down or whatever cheesecake does when it is left out in the rain.

I don't think I could take something like that. Especially if it took a long time to bake it. I do hope you can find the recipe OP to make it again.

@Chatillon

Once again on MN it is interesting to see the lie of the land .

If the OP had been:
DH and I are on a weightloss health kick . He knows I struggle , I've got more weight to lose than him-blooody baby belly and hormones- ha! Well he's come home with a big bag of Malteasers and some Milky Ways . He had a £4 voucher expiring today. Says they are 'lighter in the middle; . So that's ok then. I;ve eaten two cos I''m so pissed off

The replies wouldn't be "Well it;s not your DH fault you cannot control yourself is it" ?
No - it'd be The GASLIGHTING Bastard. He WANTS you to fail. He's setting you up .He;s jealous and wabts to sabotague your weightloss journey. Shove his Malteasers and Milky Way right where he'll need a very long spoon to retrieve them

Can't believe people are comparing it to smoking, drug or alcohol addictions 🙄 No one needs those things but people need food to survive so it's ridiculous to expect the rest of the household to limit what they can eat and enjoy just because of one persons lack of self control. I regularly eat crisps, cake, chocolate, pizza, chips etc but I'm a size 8 because although I enjoy those foods I don't overdo it and I couldn't be with someone who expected me to never enjoy those foods in my own home just because they have zero will power.

No. My response would exactly the same were it have happened with the sexes reversed. Because I actually understand how low carbing works.

In a conventional diet situation, sure, it would be a shitty thing to do. But not with this cheesecake which was a perfectly fine thing to make.

It's almost like MUMSnet is supportive to women. Fucking bitches, how dare they?

A bag of high calorie Maltesers on a low calorie diet is not the same as a LOW CARB treat on a LOW CARB diet.

But the OP says low ish carbs and limited calories?

But the OP says low ish carbs and limited calories?

Which is his portion control.