Was I wrong to bake a cake?

[KittensBeheadingPeonies]

DH and I have been on a diet (low-ish carb and limited calories) for a week and I think he’s gone insane. I’ve been very disciplined so far, DH on the other hand has been struggling and ended up eating more than he wanted on probably 4 out of 8 days. I need to lose a lot more weight than him, though, so fine for him to be a little more relaxed, IMO.

Last night I baked a (large) low-carb cheesecake. The ingredients had already been sitting in the fridge for two weeks (didn’t get round to baking the last time I had planned to) and I fancied cheesecake. DH told me he didn’t want any of my ’stupid cake' and to give it to my parents who have come up to the city for the weekend (but aren’t staying with us). Fine with me, whatever, this was kind of the plan anyways. This morning he proceeds to eat four slices of the very nice indeed cheesecake and now he’s mad at me for tempting him. He was also really annoyed that I hadn’t eaten any as yet (was planning to have some later with my parents). He’s just gone into the kitchen, cut a massive slice of cake, decorated it with berries, put it on my desk in front of me and said ’See, this is what it’s like having it right in front of your nose, let’s see if you can resist now.’ Then stormed out. Is this completely unhinged behaviour or does he have a point and I shouldn’t have baked it in the first place?

PS. I’m not the greedy husband troll (my DH is normally more sensible than me!) and English isn’t my first language before anyone jumps on my SPAG.

I'd struggle to understand how my DP's dinner or snack choices (or indeed any of his lifestyle choices) have any direct link to my own. We're in a relationship, we didn't sign a blood pact to always do exactly the same as each other are doing or face the PA consequences. I rarely even eat the same dinner as my own DP and I don't agree with his dinner choices nor he mine (he is a vegetarian, I'm not) (he knows he should lose a bit of weight for health reasons as advised by his GP but will then have a really huge portion at meals) but we are separate people each living our own lives and responsible for our own decisions.

Cheesecake sounds great to be honest OP, your DH less so. I get that he may feel frustrated with his own weight or inability to control his appetite but that really isn't your issue - it's quite literally his. He needs to take it upon himself to think again or access further help if he wants to lose weight rather than wasting time being a child and fannying around decorating cheesecakes. Won't help him get the weight of will it, it just reflects very poorly on him.

No, no that isn't what happened is it?

She made a cheesecake, to share with her parents and have for herself. A low carb cheesecake at that.

She put it in the fridge. Not in front of him.

He took it upon himself to eat FOUR slices, and then get properly cunty, cut a slice, shove it under HER nose and try to taunt and berate her with it.

Did he at any point say 'I'd rather you didn't make a cake, I will struggle with that this week'?

Did OP even get chance to cut up the cake and freeze portions of it so its even less of a temptation?

This is not like the threads where someone is dieting and their partner ignores what they say they want to eat, then waves food they have not asked for and do not want under their noses THEN gets in a nasty strop that they're rejecting it. Not remotely!

OP - he is being a dick.

It wasn't wrong to bake a cake for your parents' visit. No diet can work if you can't have an occasional treat.

However, you might have to rethink this in future as your husband clearly has a problem with stopping eating once he starts. If he has so little self control it is a bit unfair to put temptation in his way. That's not your fault though.

Yummy

😂This is definitely my favourite post of the thread!

Sorry for only coming back to this now - the weather was glorious and we ended up in a beer garden (just water for me, though!) for much longer than planned.

When I got home I found DH feeding chicken breast to the cats (‘living vicariously’, apparently….’at least some of us can still have treats’) which was cute enough to forget my annoyance with him and made me laugh. He has admitted that his lack of self-control is his own fault but still maintains that putting a big cheesecake in the fridge was an unsupportive thing to do that contributed to sabotaging his efforts. Many posters have said the same and I accept that you all have a point, although I still think it’s a bit ridiculous that he couldn't pull himself together for a few hours until the cake had left the house - it’s not like it was sitting there for days begging to be eaten. He’s also guilty of bringing home chocolate and crips on more than one occasion when I was trying to lose weight, so blaming me for cake gate seems a bit hypocritical.

Anyways, there was a good amount of cake left for my parents which I arranged nicely with berries and nasturtium flowers and my parents (who eat mostly low-carb as step-dad needs to watch his glucose levels) were happy to keep the rest, so it’s all gone from our house now and DH can’t be tempted by it again.

I’ll try to answer a few questions but there are just too many posts to quote people individually - sorry!

DH is definitely all for me losing weight and has always been very supportive in the past. We want to start trying for a baby and agree that being a healthy weight is especially important under those circumstances. My biological clock is ticking loudly, so I’m super motivated. Equally, I totally support him losing a few kilos as well, so definitely not trying to sabotage or slow him down. We’re both not happy with our bodies at the moment. In fact, the excess weight slightly ruined our recent holiday as we spent every day sweaty and exhausted traipsing through a boiling hot city when it would have been so nice to go for a swim in-between, but neither of us felt particularly comfortable showing off our pasty wobble to the world.

My weight is something I’ve struggled with for pretty much all my life. I’m quite good at losing weight (once I manage to get into the right frame of mind) but bad at keeping it all off long-term (emotional eater and also a massive foodie and just quite greedy). Two years ago I lost 50 kilos (almost 8 stone), but 25 kilos have crept back on and definitely need to go. DH wants to lose 10-15 kilos.
I’d say we’re both ‘experienced dieters’ (how sad!) and know quite well what works for us. We’ve had good success with intermittent fasting combined with keto / very low-carb for DH and slightly more relaxed carbs for me. I find that mostly avoiding sugar, pasta, bread, rice, potatoes and large amounts of sugary fruit is enough to curb my cravings. Full-on keto feels really boring and depressing to me, so we tend to have slightly different meals.

When trying to diet together in the past, we’ve more than once had the issue that one of us just couldn’t muster up the willpower to stick with it while the other one was doing really well. DH does tend to get grumpy if he’s the one not keeping up, so today’s cake gate was probably a bit of that as well. He’s decided to go cycling tomorrow morning, so hopefully that will be a good start to the day and put him into a better frame of mind.

To the poster who asked about the blocks of cream cheese:
I’m in another European country but can’t get blocks of cream cheese here, either. I just used Aldi’s own brand (probably different from the one in Aldi UK) which is much firmer than the likes of Philadelphia and it worked just fine. I remember a previous discussion on here about exactly that topic though, so I went to find the link. Apparently, blocks of cream cheese are available in the UK if you know where to look.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/food_and_recipes/4606167-block-cream-cheese-where-to-buy

Have you thought about heading over to the weight loss chat boards for some support? There are various challenge threads going on and the extra support has been invaluable to me and others on there.

There are lots of people doing different things, low carb, calorie counting, low calorie, injections, Slimfast or just winging it.

I hope that you and your husband succeed with loosing the weight. You have a great motivation but I know how hard it is.

DH are dieting together and it’s easier to team up. He is great at walking with me and great at the food but I wish he would hit the gym with me and I really miss his company and support for that. It’s so much easier when you are both on the same page and cheering each other- we even moan at each other for mindlessly cheating or coming home with crap

Sorry but am laughing my head off at this one. Because I'm the greedy guts in my rship and I totally understand where he's coming from. I bet you're the sort of person who eats one square of chocolate and puts the rest back in the cupboard.

I know it all sounds crazy but I totally get this (from your DH’s POV). I HATE the fact that my DP can buy a delicious cake, have one small slice, then leave it sitting in the tin for a week without touching it. Meanwhile I go insane wanting to eat some, can’t stop thinking about it, even try shaving a tiny slice off it that he won’t notice … etc. etc. Eating disorders and sugar / carb addiction are REAL. Life is full enough of temptations and ways to derail a dieting effort - Please try to avoid triggering any more unnecessary ones…

I can see both sides. Why did you bake a large (your adjective) cake to sit for a long while, evening and overnight and all the next day, possibly another day, before you needed it. Actually it was dh who said give it to your parents.

You sound as if you’re gloating a bit that you have more self control than he does and how you were able to wait oh so patiently until later to eat a probably teensy slice with your parents 😂

Yet you said you made it because you fancied cheesecake but strangely you didn’t want any after you made it 🧐

You knew he was having trouble resisting tempting foods. Yet you baked a large cake that you didn’t partake of, who else did you think might be tempted?

Is cheesecake his favorite, Op?

If so you are out of order 😅

Baked cheese cake takes ages and does have to cool then sit in the fridge overnight... OP appears to have taken the cake the day after it was made, so it hasn't been sat for days, tormenting her DH at all!

Hi op, I believe your DH might be feeling side effects from going low carb as mood swings is one of the signs. I know when my husband and I tried it, we had bad issues with mood swings and it was due to go low carb suddenly.
It you Google side effects of low carb diets, it might shed a little light on his behaviour and give you something to show him so he can see it's a side effect of the diet. Unfortunately going low carb isn't for everyone.

'stupid cake.' Doesn't exactly smack of respect for you, does it? He is responsible for what he puts into his mouth. Okay, it makes self-denial harder when temptation stares you in the face but that what sorts the men from the boys. He eats? His choice and his responsibility. Similarly, you bake - your choice, but it isn't helpful to him at all.

I’m on both your sides:

1. grown man should work on his self control and
2. fuck off with your cheesecake when I have no self control, I’m going to eat half of it just to spite you even though you don’t care and now I’m going to eat the other half!

Blaming you for the decisions he makes....mmmmm . Time to grown up and take responsibility for his own choices. There will be temptation around him all the time in and outside the House. I suppose it's easier to blame you than see himself as weak willed.

Wish someone served me cheesecake during an argument 🤣🤣

I saw a butterscotch angels delight cheesecake which looked lovely!

Agree. Yes he's ultimately responsible for what goes in his mouth but it's not superhelpful to have temptation in the fridge.

But if you'd told him it was intended for your parents he shouldn't have touched it unless or until offered some by them.

This. I mean what did you think was going to happen OP. You knew full well he would eat it.

It was a low carb cake on a low carb diet tho? Perfectly acceptable

He is responsible for exercising self control.

It's his own fault he ate the cake. He has nobody to blame but himself. He can't avoid nice food, it's everywhere.

And I say that as someone who has just scoffed two big fat sweet medjool dates and now feels a bit sick so definitely not feeling morally superior 😂

You both sound silly. You for making the cheesecake while on a diet, him for eating so much of it… and him for dumping it on your desk…
I hope you calmly ate the berries then returned the slice to the fridge 🤣

I think, in his own rather immature ways, he’s asking you not to bake cakes and leave temptation in front of him as he’s struggling. There’s definitely better ways he could have requested that from you. It probably is a bit unsupportive if he’s finding the diet hard (like leaving cigs around when someone’s trying to stop smoking). If you do want to bake again while he’s still dieting I think you should hide the cake or keep it away from him as much as possible. Or bake something you know he’s not that into.

Its called moderation.

Ironically, on a low carb diet you'd be better ditching the berries and eating the cake!

Berries are also fine tbf, as long as it's not too much. He could have eaten all the cheese straight out of the packet(s) and it still would have been just fine. It's literally ideal low carb food made in the form of a cake - protein and fat with a little bit of sweetener added.

Anyway. Just seen that OP's said he's on a very low carb diet. Perhaps he's run out of road on keto and needs to adjust his diet somewhat. He really shouldn't need to be freaking out about a bit of cheese.