Was I wrong to bake a cake?

[KittensBeheadingPeonies]

DH and I have been on a diet (low-ish carb and limited calories) for a week and I think he’s gone insane. I’ve been very disciplined so far, DH on the other hand has been struggling and ended up eating more than he wanted on probably 4 out of 8 days. I need to lose a lot more weight than him, though, so fine for him to be a little more relaxed, IMO.

Last night I baked a (large) low-carb cheesecake. The ingredients had already been sitting in the fridge for two weeks (didn’t get round to baking the last time I had planned to) and I fancied cheesecake. DH told me he didn’t want any of my ’stupid cake' and to give it to my parents who have come up to the city for the weekend (but aren’t staying with us). Fine with me, whatever, this was kind of the plan anyways. This morning he proceeds to eat four slices of the very nice indeed cheesecake and now he’s mad at me for tempting him. He was also really annoyed that I hadn’t eaten any as yet (was planning to have some later with my parents). He’s just gone into the kitchen, cut a massive slice of cake, decorated it with berries, put it on my desk in front of me and said ’See, this is what it’s like having it right in front of your nose, let’s see if you can resist now.’ Then stormed out. Is this completely unhinged behaviour or does he have a point and I shouldn’t have baked it in the first place?

PS. I’m not the greedy husband troll (my DH is normally more sensible than me!) and English isn’t my first language before anyone jumps on my SPAG.

Which he struggles with! Which OP knows!

Few to no people are able to stick 100% to a diet. You wanted cheese cake and went for lo carb, good for you. Your husband is being abusive. He saw, he took, he ate. His problem.

Yes, and I have already advised that it's very likely the low calorie part of this plan, or whatever they're trying to do, is what is causing problems for her DH. It can be done that way but it's generally better not to mix the two approaches unless you really know what you're doing, especially at the beginning when getting used to it.

However, even with a calorie limit, there was nothing wrong with what OP did.

If she decided to make another one tomorrow, after a clear demonstration that her DH can't cope with foods of that type being available, then she would be doing a shitty thing.

You were not wrong to bake a cake. It might be better to have a bit of cake than cut cake out altogether because that just makes you crave it more.

Sorry, above was in response to this:

But the OP says low ish carbs and limited calories?

I remember being on a diet that didn’t work with my personal nutrition needs (I’m now discovering)
and crying about basically everything. I was completely unhinged.

I think whatever diet you’re both doing is maybe not giving him enough of what he needs in order to remain stable.

he needs advice on something that will help him lose weight, but will have him feeling good and steady.

no, you’re not wrong to bake this low carb cake, but also his experience of this diet is different than yours. He needs something desperately that he is not getting at this time.
whether it be more fats or carbs, he needs to figure out his own personal “macros.”

Yes @Brightbear but he wouldn't if he just stuck to low carb like she has. His decisions made this hard.

Low carb is weird. You need to REALLY commit for a short (very difficult) time and then it's easy. If he'd done the 8 days properly, he would probably be fine to have a small piece of low carb cake now. He chose not to, maybe low carb isn't the diet for him or maybe he has something else going on. But regardless, his choices led him here.

Low carb is great if you do it right and don't cheat. He's cheating and wants to blame OP. But the earlier cheating caused this, not the cake.

It's low carb, but high fat, therefore highly calorific. That's not conducive to weight loss is it?

YES IT IS.

I'm sorry to shout but high fat is a part of low carb. I eat butter every day on low carb and can lose weight easily if I want to. It reduces your appetite so you eat fewer calories overall.

I am really not interested with your synopsis on low carb! It’s frankly 🥱! It’s not what the thread is really about is it?

OPs choices also led her to having much more weight to lose than her DH.

🥱!

WE CAN READ WITHOUT YOU SHOUTING!!

SO DON’T SHOUT THEN APOLOGISE, BECAUSE ITS DISINGENUOUS!

This is what I was getting at.

Neatly decorating a lovely piece of cake with fresh berries and slamming it down in front of you is the nicest bit of male aggression I’ve ever read about on here

Honestly I think he has a point. You’re supposed to do this together, he doesn’t have a lot of self control, you put a big cake in the fridge. YABU

Well I think you were wrong to bake a cake. Plenty of women come on here and it's decided that their DPs are sabotaging their diets by cooking x, y or z. You sabotaged his. If youre both on a diet, then you cater for him as well as you - his willpower is clearly weaker than yours, so you shouldn't have baked the cake.

He couldn't be adult enough to be kind to himself and see it as a blip and move on and maybe resolve to try not to do that again.
In a 'moments of weakness' happen' way. Expect there was the added guilt factor too. He'd had four slices of the untouched cheesecake you were going to give to your parents. Then he presents you with a slice decorated with fruit to simulataneously tempt you, blame you, and guilt trip you. And now he just looks like a great big tit of a man.

*simultaneously

Yes but do you eat cake?

I'm dieting and still spread butter on 1 slice of multiseed toast for breakfast as that's what I like & I know a bit of butter is ok in moderation.

But I would be slightly annoyed if my husband decided to make a cake knowing I'm trying hard (and it is so hard) to lose weight. It would be insensitive of him to do that while I'm just eating lots of berries for pudding at the moment, sometimes with a low fat yoghurt. No cake!

I wouldnt make a cake if my husband was trying to lose weight, especially if I knew he struggled with willpower. Growing up, my parents constantly criticised my weight and shamed me into diets but continued buying crap for my siblings. I asked them to please stop buying it and they just told me it was my problem if I had no willpower. I'm still the same and can't have any junk in the house or I eat it. I wouldn't appreciate my husband baking a cake on my second week of a diet. There's just something very 'paddle your own canoe' about it.

Horrible

I don't bother with cake @Twiglets1 because I don't care. But I do make low carb versions of treat food which are very calorific. I just eat less. Pizza etc.

High fat is a part of this way of eating.

You shouldn’t have baked a “huge” cheesecake, that is unnecessary and unhelpful temptation for someone who is already struggling to stay in their calorie parameters. It’s not very supportive and makes even less sense if you are both trying to lose weight

I agree. Carbs can be highly addictive for some people, it was really stupid to make a huge cheesecake and leave it there in front of him. Its akin to leaving a pack of cigarettes on the counter when your partner is trying to give up smoking. His reaction was OTT but if I was him, I would be angry.

Carbs can be highly addictive for some people

It was low carb.

It's in the OP.

Ok, then: cheesecake (even low carb versions) can be very addictive for people on diets as is shown by the fact he couldnt stop eating it! My point remains- it wasnt supportive and I'd be pissed off. Low carb is not the same as no carb.

There's literally no circumstance in which I could imagine behaving this way. He needs to calm the fuck down!

I've just made banana bread. A lot of banana bread.