Was I wrong to bake a cake?

[KittensBeheadingPeonies]

DH and I have been on a diet (low-ish carb and limited calories) for a week and I think he’s gone insane. I’ve been very disciplined so far, DH on the other hand has been struggling and ended up eating more than he wanted on probably 4 out of 8 days. I need to lose a lot more weight than him, though, so fine for him to be a little more relaxed, IMO.

Last night I baked a (large) low-carb cheesecake. The ingredients had already been sitting in the fridge for two weeks (didn’t get round to baking the last time I had planned to) and I fancied cheesecake. DH told me he didn’t want any of my ’stupid cake' and to give it to my parents who have come up to the city for the weekend (but aren’t staying with us). Fine with me, whatever, this was kind of the plan anyways. This morning he proceeds to eat four slices of the very nice indeed cheesecake and now he’s mad at me for tempting him. He was also really annoyed that I hadn’t eaten any as yet (was planning to have some later with my parents). He’s just gone into the kitchen, cut a massive slice of cake, decorated it with berries, put it on my desk in front of me and said ’See, this is what it’s like having it right in front of your nose, let’s see if you can resist now.’ Then stormed out. Is this completely unhinged behaviour or does he have a point and I shouldn’t have baked it in the first place?

PS. I’m not the greedy husband troll (my DH is normally more sensible than me!) and English isn’t my first language before anyone jumps on my SPAG.

Eating disorders and sugar / carb addiction are REAL

Indeed they are!

Have a look at THE SUGAR SOLUTION, by Dr Mark Hyman. Very interesting and full of useful advice. There's also a follow-up book with an outline of a practical diet aimed at eliminating sugar in all its forms, including lots of easy recipes. Both available for free via Internet Archive.

Life-changing and highly recommended!

He could be hangry! Some people can get a bit overemotional when they are feeling slightly hungry.
make sure he has fruit to hand and protein snacks like Biltong or cheese. And eat less but more often. I think it’s years of comfort eating that causes it.

I don't think he has much of a leg to stand on after eating 4 slices.

And I say that as someone who has just scoffed two big fat sweet medjool dates and now feels a bit sick so definitely not feeling morally superior 😂

Peak mumsnet

Not really, I glanced at a lettuce leaf earlier and instantly felt bloated

Im in no position to gloat over people that cant control themselves.

Dont see its as dieting because as we know diets are boring healthy eating sounds better and not as boring

Thank you, I really should venture back over to the weight loss boards again - used to post on a couple of intermittent fasting and OMAD threads!

DH and I have dieted together several times with - I’m sorry to say - mixed results. We can't always seem to get motivated at the same time and often it’s been one person doing well and the other struggling to stick with it. There are occasional hanger management issues on both sides as well and we’ve had a horrible atmosphere in the house due to food deprivation more than once (but can usually laugh about it afterwards). Unfortunately, we also enjoy completely different kinds of exercise. But stopping each other from ordering midnight takeaways and buying chocolate definitely helps!

Hope you and your DH do really well and that you’ll find a different gym buddy if he can’t be persuaded!

Oh, I wish, but sadly, I'm the exact opposite - would be much slimmer otherwise! DH and I both have a tendency to binge on unhealthy crap. We’ve often said that despite being mid-thirties, we’re basically like teenagers who have just left home and can now buy all the chocolate and all the crips with no voice of reason in sight. We both know how to lose weight and have done it successfully several times, but after a while, we tend to fall back into the habit of having far too many treats and the whole damn circle starts again. We either eat super healthily or far too much rubbish - the sensible middle ground is where it all falls down for us.

I totally understand, I’m no stranger to that myself! Once I’ve managed to start a diet (and it can take me months to get into the right frame of mind!), I’m pretty disciplined and can suddenly resist all temptations, but during a non-weight loss phase, I massively struggle to not eat all the cake in one go. It’s embarrassing, deeply unhealthy and so annoying because it means we basically can’t have treats in the house because they will be eaten far too quickly rather than sensibly spread out over several days.

I would still expect an adult man to be able to keep his hands off a cheesecake from Saturday morning until Saturday afternoon when I was going to take it to my parents. Also wouldn’t blame anyone but myself for my lack of self-control unless the other person constantly brought home treats which I agree would be unsupportive and akin to sabotage indeed.

Cake didn’t sit there for a long while - I baked it late on Friday night so it wouldn’t have been edible before Saturday morning (warm cheesecake tastes awful, IMO). DH had a lie-in and once he’d got up he started scoffing the cake pretty much right away - he hadn’t even showered at that point! And no, cheesecake is not his favourite at all, so I was surprised that it was such a trigger food for him.

I possibly am gloating a little bit re self-control because he has criticised me for a lack of discipline in the past and eaten chocolate in front of me when I was trying to lose weight. 🙈

I know, we’ve done low carb lots of times and it usually takes a while until the cravings and mood swings go away. DH is generally much happier on keto than me, though. He isn't particularly keen on things like pasta or starchy sides like potatoes or rice and would happily eat quite low-carb every day if it wasn’t for his massive sweet tooth.

Yes, like another poster remarked up-thread, it’s certainly one of the more benign manifestations of male aggression, even though it was incredibly childish!

Nope, ate the big slice and the berries, had another small slice with my parents and skipped supper instead. Still lost weight, so all good.

I doubt he was still hungry after that much cake, but hanger is definitely a thing in this house! It's funny how different we all are re what works for us diet-wise. Eating little and often is absolutely the worst for both DH and me - much easier to have only one or two meals a day. Snacking with its repeated glucose spikes has my mind constantly revolving around food!

I'm gonna have to agree with Tadashi here, two big fat sweet medjool dates 😱😂- cute!

Just reading about your lettuce feast has made me feel sick - disgusting! At least you've seen the error of your ways, so I'm assuming you've gone off for a 10-mile run now to work off all those excess calories.

Turn about is fair play then 😂 that’s what he gets for eat g chocolate in front of you 🍫

Yeah, my husband gets hangry and I have to manage him 😂

Yes, while self flagellating.

I think Im just about ok now.

Perhaps there is a compromise for you both. That recipe sounds lovely but very rich if you are watching your calories. Would it work with reduced fat cream cheese and a low fat Greek yoghurt instead of cream?

Not on low carb, it wouldn't.

No matter how many times people point out its a low carb diet , some people still read it as a low calorie diet 🙈

Great spelling, far better than most native English speakers.
He's out of order and slightly mad. It's he who has the problem and that's why he's angry with you.
Typical behaviour from someone who can't admit and own their own failings.

Because OP specifically also says they are limiting calories too. Perhaps read the OP

Not every low carbs to the degree of ketosis, everyone has their own way of managing their intake and as many, including me, have pointed out low carb and limiting calories works very well for them