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Original poster

Was I wrong to bake a cake?

211 replies

KittensBeheadingPeonies · 01/07/2023 14:43

DH and I have been on a diet (low-ish carb and limited calories) for a week and I think he’s gone insane. I’ve been very disciplined so far, DH on the other hand has been struggling and ended up eating more than he wanted on probably 4 out of 8 days. I need to lose a lot more weight than him, though, so fine for him to be a little more relaxed, IMO.

Last night I baked a (large) low-carb cheesecake. The ingredients had already been sitting in the fridge for two weeks (didn’t get round to baking the last time I had planned to) and I fancied cheesecake. DH told me he didn’t want any of my ’stupid cake' and to give it to my parents who have come up to the city for the weekend (but aren’t staying with us). Fine with me, whatever, this was kind of the plan anyways. This morning he proceeds to eat four slices of the very nice indeed cheesecake and now he’s mad at me for tempting him. He was also really annoyed that I hadn’t eaten any as yet (was planning to have some later with my parents). He’s just gone into the kitchen, cut a massive slice of cake, decorated it with berries, put it on my desk in front of me and said ’See, this is what it’s like having it right in front of your nose, let’s see if you can resist now.’ Then stormed out. Is this completely unhinged behaviour or does he have a point and I shouldn’t have baked it in the first place?

PS. I’m not the greedy husband troll (my DH is normally more sensible than me!) and English isn’t my first language before anyone jumps on my SPAG.

OP posts:
Shadesofscarlett · 01/07/2023 16:18

you don't restrict calories when low carbing. If a man cannot control himself then that is his fault, not yours.

bellac11 · 01/07/2023 16:21

Shadesofscarlett · 01/07/2023 16:18

you don't restrict calories when low carbing. If a man cannot control himself then that is his fault, not yours.

It depends on the individual and the level of carbs you choose, there is no one black and white method, people have to do what suits them.

A supportive partner would want the best for their husband/wife and to see them achieve their goals. Why anyone would do something which could scupper that simply leaves me wondering why OP would do that?

There are countless threads on this site where unsupportive husbands try to sabotage their wives attempts to promote themselves, improve themselves, get fitter and healthier and quite rightly they are heavily criticised as being unsupportive.

Brightbear · 01/07/2023 16:23

Shadesofscarlett · 01/07/2023 16:18

you don't restrict calories when low carbing. If a man cannot control himself then that is his fault, not yours.

But it’s nice to support your partner? No?

If he was trying to stop smoking, would it be supportive to blow smoke in his face?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

General food Weight management
Neekoh · 01/07/2023 16:24

That isn't how it works.

You could have a bit of low carb cheesecake every day and it wouldn't do anything to scupper it. It's not like a normal 'diet'. It'd basically be like having some yoghurt for breakfast.

@KittensBeheadingPeonies find the Low Carb bootcamp on here, might be of use to you.

DeliciouslyDecadent · 01/07/2023 16:25

Yes you were wrong.

If your partner is trying to lose weight (as are you) it's not right to put temptation in their path.

You might argue otherwise and say he should have 'willpower' but I'd use the same argument in his favour if you were both trying to stop smoking or drinking too much, and one you you brought those into the house.

AnnaMagnani · 01/07/2023 16:26

It annoys me that I'm on a diet and DH continually asks me if I want cake.

However it can work for 2 people to diet at the same time. I make all the dinners and completely changed what I was cooking. DH lost a stone without even realising or trying.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/07/2023 16:26

If he was trying to stop smoking, would it be supportive to blow smoke in his face?

It's more like they've both agreed to vape instead of smoke and also cut down and she's blowing vape near him. He's still smoking half the week.

It is low carb. He wouldn't need willpower if he wasn't cheating all the time.

off · 01/07/2023 16:27

Neekoh · 01/07/2023 16:18

For example, he is probably struggling because his fat intake is far too low because you're counting calories. Won't work.

Of course it can work. I did a year of sub-1200kcal with 15–20% of calories from carbohydrates. I lost weight, I had plenty of energy for lots of exercise, and I wasn't hungry. It won't necessarily work for everyone, but it can work.

DeliciouslyDecadent · 01/07/2023 16:27

I can't imagine a low carb cheesecake anyway as the sugar and fat are the predominant ingredients.

You were wrong.

Not exactly supportive.

Buy yourself a single slice or a cake if you have a craving you can't resist.

Neekoh · 01/07/2023 16:27

It's the calorie counting that's messing it up for him - his intake is probably far too low and that's why he's having a hard time sticking to it.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 01/07/2023 16:28

I don't think he is being unreasonable.
Cooking something tempting is not supportive

Wanderingowl · 01/07/2023 16:28

bellac11 · 01/07/2023 16:21

It depends on the individual and the level of carbs you choose, there is no one black and white method, people have to do what suits them.

A supportive partner would want the best for their husband/wife and to see them achieve their goals. Why anyone would do something which could scupper that simply leaves me wondering why OP would do that?

There are countless threads on this site where unsupportive husbands try to sabotage their wives attempts to promote themselves, improve themselves, get fitter and healthier and quite rightly they are heavily criticised as being unsupportive.

Show quote history

Did you see the recipe? It's literally cheese, sour cream and eggs, with a zero calorie sweetener. It's just protein and reasonably healthy fat. I never did more baking that I did when I was deliberately losing weight. Being able to eat "dessert" for breakfast and supper was the absolute best way to lose weight as I always felt like I was just eating delicious healthy food all the time instead of restricting myself. Baking healthy food that feels like a treat is an excellent way to support someone in losing weight.

Mrsmozza123 · 01/07/2023 16:29

RampantIvy · 01/07/2023 14:44

Could I have the recipe please.

😂

SplendidUtterly · 01/07/2023 16:29

He's mad at HIMSELF for eating the cake and is taking it out on you OP.
He lacks self control around food and he knows it.

bellac11 · 01/07/2023 16:29

off · 01/07/2023 16:27

Of course it can work. I did a year of sub-1200kcal with 15–20% of calories from carbohydrates. I lost weight, I had plenty of energy for lots of exercise, and I wasn't hungry. It won't necessarily work for everyone, but it can work.

Show quote history

Same here, you can have plenty of fat while counting calories as I do

Its a shame people feel the need to present something so rigid, there is no one single method of losing weight and people have to do whats right for them.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/07/2023 16:30

Maybe people don't understand low carb. If you are someone who really struggles to control yourself around carb and particularly sugar, low carving does a few things. It weans you off the things that are really addictive for you. But it also, IF YOU STICK WITH IT stops you feeling ravenous, stops you craving sugar, stops you overeating.

For example if there are ice-cream bars in the house and I'm eating a typical diet, I'll want three. If I'm low carbing and there are low carb ice cream bars in the house I've taken a couple of bites and left the rest.

If OP's DH hadn't be cheating all week, he would have had a little bit of the cheesecake and shrugged. HE chose to cheat.

DeliciouslyDecadent · 01/07/2023 16:32

It doesn't really matter if you used sugar substitutes- some are ultra processed crap anyway . (never heard of either so unsure if you are in the UK?)

The point is, you need to get rid of your sugar cravings. Using sugar subs won't do that.

You were just wrong.

It's like smoking a lower nicotine fag in front of someone trying to give up (and pretending you've bought them for your guests when really it's you who wanted them.)

bellac11 · 01/07/2023 16:33

Wanderingowl · 01/07/2023 16:28

Did you see the recipe? It's literally cheese, sour cream and eggs, with a zero calorie sweetener. It's just protein and reasonably healthy fat. I never did more baking that I did when I was deliberately losing weight. Being able to eat "dessert" for breakfast and supper was the absolute best way to lose weight as I always felt like I was just eating delicious healthy food all the time instead of restricting myself. Baking healthy food that feels like a treat is an excellent way to support someone in losing weight.

Show quote history

Yes I saw the recipe and have already considered how I would make a savoury version, without the base as I dont eat those type of carbs myself

However previously I wouldnt have made such a thing as I know I would have eaten the whole thing (wouldnt have touched the sweet version, its not my cup of tea) and as much as people like to live in denial, weight loss occurs because of a calorie deficit. If you eat 3000 calories a day of low carb foods but only burn off 1500, you'll put on weight pretty quickly.

Neekoh · 01/07/2023 16:33

off · 01/07/2023 16:27

Of course it can work. I did a year of sub-1200kcal with 15–20% of calories from carbohydrates. I lost weight, I had plenty of energy for lots of exercise, and I wasn't hungry. It won't necessarily work for everyone, but it can work.

Show quote history

Okay. Too absolute, you're right.

It isn't working for him, at this stage.

If he was extremely motivated and/or following keto (which I have also done, extensively), it would work. But my hunch is this approach isn't going to work for him.

I've low carbed for many years. There is no need to calorie count, especially not in the beginning when you're just getting used to it and not yet fat adapated.

But that's all I'm going to say as this could go round and round and I'm not interested in arguing.

Bottom line is OP wasn't scuppering anything at all.

Chockybiscuit · 01/07/2023 16:34

You were being unsupportive after agreeing to support. You were as responsible for that, as he was for what he ate.

footballdramas · 01/07/2023 16:34

I really want cheesecake now.
I am also on a weight loss programme with my DH. He is losing nothing, I am losing a steady 800g or so a week (shouldn't speak too soon.)
but no, he's being grumpy and probably hangry

Tinkerbyebye · 01/07/2023 16:34

He is struggling. Normally when you start a ‘diet’ you have to eat more food, but healthy food

but it may well be the mentality around the word diet that then implies you have done something wrong to get to this place and now can’t eat what you want

in fact you should be focusing on changing your eating habits, not calling it a diet, and look at incorporating some stuff you like every so often as part of it.

if you are into meal planning this makes it quite simple to do, focus on good healthy meals, watch portion size, but allow some stuff you really like that’s ‘bad’ for you built in every so often

it really is mindset, and understanding you are not depriving yourself of the stuff you like, you are cutting down and changing your eating habits

DeliciouslyDecadent · 01/07/2023 16:34

low carb ice cream bars

Aren't these things full of aspartame and sugar subs that actually are more harmful in the long run? (Read Tim Spector on USP and how sugar subs can actually promote diabetes long term.

(If you want an ice cream buy a quality one made just with milk, cream and sugar, and just eat a tiny bit)

Brightbear · 01/07/2023 16:35

SplendidUtterly · 01/07/2023 16:29

He's mad at HIMSELF for eating the cake and is taking it out on you OP.
He lacks self control around food and he knows it.

As does OP, makes you wonder why she’s not supporting him?

Floralnomad · 01/07/2023 16:36

Your husband is ridiculous , you are not responsible for his lack of will power .