Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Wedding on sisters 21st birthday.

209 replies

Weddingbirthdaydrama · 01/07/2023 02:23

A family member has two daughters, one is getting married and has chosen her sisters 21st birthday as the wedding date. Apparently it was the only date available. My kids are close to the birthday sister, and a group of them were planning to tie a balloon to the birthday girls chair at the reception after all the formal parts are over. The bride found out and had their mum put a stop to it. I have just found out they have a surprise birthday party for the girl planned, all the cousins are leaving the wedding reception early and meeting at a friends house to celebrate the girls 21st. I told my kids they are causing a huge issue in the family, but they insist it’s only fair as the bride did this deliberately to stop her sister having a party. I can’t say I entirely disagree with them as the girl isn’t getting a party due the wedding. I am in two minds about it. I can tell on them and have it stopped, or pretend I know nothing. They aren’t leaving before the formalities are done, and plan to be discreet. But I imagine ten people leaving a wedding will be noticed.

OP posts:
Phoebo · 01/07/2023 02:26

Hmmm, well it's likely to blow up and also someone will find out that you knew so do you want to be a part of that. I think it's an unfortunate situation but if that was the only date available why can't the sister have a party the week before or after?

Tinkerbyebye · 01/07/2023 02:29

Don’t believe for one minute that’s the only date the bride could have had. How horrible for her sister and why should she have a party the week before or after just because her sister has been selfish enough to chose that day

shame on her parents as well, and good for the cousins. If there is fall out so be it
li have no sympathy for the selfish bride

Phoebo · 01/07/2023 02:33

Tinkerbyebye · 01/07/2023 02:29

Don’t believe for one minute that’s the only date the bride could have had. How horrible for her sister and why should she have a party the week before or after just because her sister has been selfish enough to chose that day

shame on her parents as well, and good for the cousins. If there is fall out so be it
li have no sympathy for the selfish bride

I do if you are set on a venue. Many venues only have certain dates depending on how close/far you are planning as so many people plan over a year ahead. My own cousin had to have her wedding on her birthday (which she was upset about), or have to wait another 8 months.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
Original poster
Weddingbirthdaydrama · 01/07/2023 02:51

I don’t know if the date was chosen deliberately. The parents are doing a family dinner for the birthday. It will blow up. I imagine the party will go ahead even if someone finds out.

OP posts:
marmaladeslade · 01/07/2023 03:04

Can't the parents organise a 21st for the other daughter the following weekend?

Original poster
Weddingbirthdaydrama · 01/07/2023 03:11

I guess they could. But they haven’t. It’s just a family dinner.

OP posts:
Phoebo · 01/07/2023 03:16

It was mean to nor allow the balloon but people do get bridezilla-ish. I'd suggest they have the party the following weekend (or weekend before if they must) and give everyone a heads up that you're going to tell the parents the plan. If you don't tell, I think you'll end up being collateral damage.

Pallisers · 01/07/2023 03:16

Why can't the cousins and the younger one's friends have a party the day after? or the week after? Everyone is in town for the wedding so goes out the day after to celebrate the 21st.

It sucks that the wedding is on the day of the younger sister's 21st. But it will really suck if all the cousins leave the wedding reception to go to an alternative party. Don't let that happen. Do they like the younger one and not like the older one? Or is it just the love of drama.

Seriously, the older sister should probably have planned differently but the younger one can have a party any day of the week before or week after.

Why have a major fall out over something like this.

Phoebo · 01/07/2023 03:17

@Pallisers agree. It doesn't need to be a drama.

WTFAreYouForReal · 01/07/2023 03:26

Good on them, I'd keep my trap shut.

ZenNudist · 01/07/2023 03:29

Thos isn't a drama. 21 is only a notable birthday historically and we now celebrate 18 as the age of majority so 21 as a birthday is being kept alive by card manufacturers.

If it were me I'd sing happy birthday to my sister with all my wedding guests. There's no need to worry it's still a wedding not a birthday party. Parents should be intervening to allow the balloon and tell them both to grow up!

That said if some youngsters want to leave early for a party I'd not get involved personally and let your kids do what they want. They are old enough.

Ponderingwindow · 01/07/2023 04:02

I’m wondering if this is in the US where turning 21 is a very big deal because it is the legal drinking age. Scheduling a wedding on a siblings birthday would be very odd

as long as they stay for all the key activities, there is no reason sibling shouldn’t be allowed to leave relatively early. There is no obligation to stay until the end.

FloweryName · 01/07/2023 04:02

I’d keep quiet. If bride can’t even let her own sister have a few balloons on her 21st then she’s not worth the sister sacrificing her birthday for. It was nasty of her to book her wedding on her sisters 21st anyway.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 01/07/2023 04:07

If I were the birthday posse, I'd have the party on a differant day. Any day, just not that one. I wouldn't want cast a shadow on the wedding day. Hurting or upsetting her sister and the groom and her parents and cousins parents.
Costing money for ten uneaten meals, and alcohol, do these cousins have something against the brides parents too? Why even come if they plan to sabitosh it?
I think you should rat them out. So they can be uninvited if the bride wants.

Motheranddaughter · 01/07/2023 04:07

I would keep out of it

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 01/07/2023 04:13

Yes, probably best to keep out of it.

Original poster
Weddingbirthdaydrama · 01/07/2023 04:37

@Forgottenmypasswordagain They don’t like the bride and are upset with the parents.

I pointed out that the birthday girl may not want to leave early. I suggested having the party the weekend before. If they really want to piss off the bride leave a little early, tie balloons to the birthday girl and have a drink at the pub down the road. Lots of photos on Facebook will ensure the bride knows she didn’t stop her sister celebrating, and there won’t be any fall out. Who knows if they will listen.

OP posts:
Allthingspeaches · 01/07/2023 04:38

I'd keep out of it. Also it's not just the sister's 21st birthday, there may be competing years where big birthdays and wedding anniversaries collide.

ironorchids · 01/07/2023 05:08

I'd need to know the reason the bride planned the wedding for the sister's 21st birthday to be able to judge.

Original poster
Weddingbirthdaydrama · 01/07/2023 06:50

@ironorchids They don’t get along. Younger sister is clever, sporty, and incredibly beautiful. Older sister has a bit of a chip on her shoulder about it. I think she is milking the attention out of the wedding, but I don’t know for sure that the date was deliberately booked.

OP posts:
LizziesTwin · 01/07/2023 06:53

From your last post it sounds as if it was deliberate. Nasty.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 01/07/2023 06:53

Pallisers · 01/07/2023 03:16

Why can't the cousins and the younger one's friends have a party the day after? or the week after? Everyone is in town for the wedding so goes out the day after to celebrate the 21st.

It sucks that the wedding is on the day of the younger sister's 21st. But it will really suck if all the cousins leave the wedding reception to go to an alternative party. Don't let that happen. Do they like the younger one and not like the older one? Or is it just the love of drama.

Seriously, the older sister should probably have planned differently but the younger one can have a party any day of the week before or week after.

Why have a major fall out over something like this.

It does suck that they will leave. But that's the brides choice for booking a wedding on a significant birthday for her sister then banning so much as a fucking balloon. I hold no sympathy.

DisforDarkChocolate · 01/07/2023 07:06

Ten guests may not be noticed in a big wedding but 10 guests that includes the sister of the bride probably will.

If the bride has a chip on her shoulder it's an odd day to pick because so many guests will still want to congratulate the sister on her 21st, some will even bring cards and parents (I would).

ShiteRider · 01/07/2023 07:10

They’d be better off having the party the day before. No one can complain about that but birthday girl would feel that she had come first in the running order. Keep the celebrations going past midnight and they’re celebrating on her birthday.

storypushers · 01/07/2023 07:17

Is she a bridesmaid? That would look bad I think but I'd be tempted to go along with it too if older sister is as bad as you make out

Swipe left for the next trending thread