Wedding on sisters 21st birthday.

[Weddingbirthdaydrama]

A family member has two daughters, one is getting married and has chosen her sisters 21st birthday as the wedding date. Apparently it was the only date available. My kids are close to the birthday sister, and a group of them were planning to tie a balloon to the birthday girls chair at the reception after all the formal parts are over. The bride found out and had their mum put a stop to it. I have just found out they have a surprise birthday party for the girl planned, all the cousins are leaving the wedding reception early and meeting at a friends house to celebrate the girls 21st. I told my kids they are causing a huge issue in the family, but they insist it’s only fair as the bride did this deliberately to stop her sister having a party. I can’t say I entirely disagree with them as the girl isn’t getting a party due the wedding. I am in two minds about it. I can tell on them and have it stopped, or pretend I know nothing. They aren’t leaving before the formalities are done, and plan to be discreet. But I imagine ten people leaving a wedding will be noticed.

This!

It's not the kindest thing to do but I think your daughters should stay out of it.
They are putting themselves in the middle of a situation that doesn't concern them.
There are other ways they can spoil and celebrate their cousin.
The bride obviously has issues and is it worth the family rift that will inevitably come from this as she's clearly a drama queen! X

Keep out of it, the girl should be able to celebrate her birthday on her birthday with whoever she likes. Well done on the cousins, the bride is a bitch and it serves her right 🤷‍♀️

I think the older sister should have allowed the balloons, but I think arranging to leave and go to a party is horrible. And they don't even know if the birthday girl wants to leave early. Is she even upset the wedding is on her birthday? Maybe she's fine with a party being on a different day, surely most people would be?

Birthday Day girl may not enjoy the surprise party, she might be anxious knowing there's going to be huge fall out from parents/sister (even though she didn't plan it).

Maybe the cousins could do something during the evening do after any first dancec.stuff etc (balloons, sing happy birthday.etc). Bride has focus on herself all day and sister gets a moment of acknowledge its her 21st.

And the cousins could plan a day out another day.

If the venue couldn't do any other date she should have chosen a different venue. It's just a wedding. And she's chosen to share her wedding day with her sisters birthday so she shouldn't be surprised if they all leave early for a party.

The wedding celebration is a party, not a prison sentence. People can choose to leave whenever they want without reason. I think if they were there to see the actual point of a wedding (the vows) then any guest can choose to leave when they wish.

Arguably you could say "it's just a birthday" as well.

I got married with 8 guests in a registry office and then we went to the pub, so I'm not someone who places huge importance on big wedding celebrations, but birthdays happen every year. She's not turning 18.

I would 100% support them going to celebrate the 21st birthday.

Really? I would say the opposite, its just a birthday. I personally wouldn't be bothered and just have a party on a different day. It's not as if people have parties on their birthdays anyway if they fall during the week. What's the big deal having it a week before or after.

The immaturity of everyone involved is shocking. A breakaway celebration is really offensive and risks creating a huge family rift. If turning 21 is such a big deal because it symbolises being an adult, then be a grown-up about things and hold your birthday celebrations on a different date.

21st birthdays are still big here (in uk) and celebrated more than 18th usually with a party at a venue organised by the person themselves.

18th parties tend to just be a small group of friends in parents houses because 1/2 their friends are only 17 so they dont want a venue.

Stay out of it.

I don't think its unreasonable for the 21st birthday celebration gang to leave once the formalities are done. The bride did not have to choose this date, there are always choices, there are always other venues, there is no scenario where destroying your sister's birthday is the least-bad scenario out of a range of equally unacceptable choices, and if there was a decent person would be looking for ways to acknowledge their sister's special day, not stomping on the tiniest gesture towards it (ie the balloon)

But this is not your battle OP. There's clearly a very unhealthy family dynamic and you can't fix it nor is it your responsibility to. Do nothing, say nothing.

@MalteserGeezee such a great point! 21 is meant to be a big deal as you are finally a mature adult

This

I guess it makes a difference how big the wedding is - do you know how many they have invited?

Is it your brother/sister or your DP’s?

It’s also just a birthday. A wedding’s a one off. We all get a birthday every year.

21st birthdays are still big here (in uk) and celebrated more than 18th usually with a party at a venue organised by the person themselves.

Are they?? I've never been to one and no one had one when my friends and I were turning 21 (only 10 years ago). Everyone just did a night out at uni.

She can't even have a balloon?! It's the done thing to acknowledge special birthdays at the wedding if they clash with the wedding. Her guests are going to think so poorly of her when they find out.

You could offer to help with arrangements for the birthday girl in a breezy "so you don't have to worry about it and the optics of not doing anything aren't great" kind of way.

Or just sit back and watch the fireworks. I wouldn't tell them about the party no.

The bride shouldn’t have booked her wedding on her sister’s 21st, and she’s being mean to not allow a few balloons or singing happy birthday. But the behaviour of others is far far worse! Imagine planning to leave someone’s once-in-a-lifetime wedding to celebrate a birthday which happens every year! You don’t leave someone’s wedding, especially your own sister’s wedding. It’s unforgivable. The birthday girl could celebrate on a different day, you don’t need to have a party on your actual birthday. They could easily have the party on a different day but they’re purposely choosing not to.

Some people might place more importance on birthdays than others. Like ifbthey'd never thought they'd see that birthday.

Choosing a wedding date isn't easy, it's nearly impossible that it won't clash with at least something.

21 is an insignificant birthday in the UK and she can celebrate it another day. I think it's really nasty to try and upset someone on their wedding day.

I'd let the young ones go and not tell. It isn't like your kids are the only ones leaving its all if not most of that age group. I'd let my sis have a balloon and a cake if it was her birthday. Even if it wasn't a 21st.

If you tell the bride about the birthday party she's not going to be able to stop it. All she can do is uninvite the 21st guests from her wedding. Will they be bothered?

I'm not normally a keep your beak out person but I don't think I'd get involved.

This. The bride did this to herself.