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Original poster

Wedding on sisters 21st birthday.

209 replies

Weddingbirthdaydrama · 01/07/2023 02:23

A family member has two daughters, one is getting married and has chosen her sisters 21st birthday as the wedding date. Apparently it was the only date available. My kids are close to the birthday sister, and a group of them were planning to tie a balloon to the birthday girls chair at the reception after all the formal parts are over. The bride found out and had their mum put a stop to it. I have just found out they have a surprise birthday party for the girl planned, all the cousins are leaving the wedding reception early and meeting at a friends house to celebrate the girls 21st. I told my kids they are causing a huge issue in the family, but they insist it’s only fair as the bride did this deliberately to stop her sister having a party. I can’t say I entirely disagree with them as the girl isn’t getting a party due the wedding. I am in two minds about it. I can tell on them and have it stopped, or pretend I know nothing. They aren’t leaving before the formalities are done, and plan to be discreet. But I imagine ten people leaving a wedding will be noticed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Weddingbirthdaydrama · 09/07/2023 04:10

Yes the birthday girl left. I don’t think there was much of a relationship anyway. Someone gave her a champagne glass with 21st birthday on it and we toasted her. I will deny all knowledge of the party. It was at another cousin’s house, so they will have most of the fall out. There have been no mentions of the party on social media, so they might get away with it.

OP posts:
Lakeshorelilac · 09/07/2023 04:15

Were you at the party OP?

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 09/07/2023 06:08

Honestly, good for them. It was really cruel to plan a wedding on your sisters 21st birthday - not only will this ruin her 21st, but if the big sister is as jealous as she sounds, I guarantee she will also be having annual anniversary parties/celebrations inviting the whole family to steal the limelight from younger sister. I’d literally change my venue or get married a year later if there was genuinely only one day I could get married and it was my siblings birthday. Why shouldn’t they leave in the evening and go and have a party with their cousin? I don’t see what there’s this expectation that family should stay super late at weddings.

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Original poster
Weddingbirthdaydrama · 09/07/2023 06:32

@Lakeshorelilac No I drove a couple of people home and went to bed.

OP posts:
Merrow · 09/07/2023 06:44

How many left in the end? And did the reception end at 11?

veryfluffyfluff · 09/07/2023 06:49

If others left at 10 I'm surprised it was noticed

speluncean · 09/07/2023 06:50

Good for them.

Being the scapegoat to a golden child is awful.

PrimalOwl10 · 09/07/2023 06:52

Good for them, I'm glad her cousins didn't leave her birthday unmarked. The bride brought it on herself being a bitch that was the consequence of her actions, her parents played along but her cousins didn't

Pinkyhere · 09/07/2023 06:56

Bit beside the point, but they sound like a great group of people to stick up for their cousin

Original poster
Weddingbirthdaydrama · 09/07/2023 07:00

It was noticed as a lot of people left early. I think most were gone by 11. Bride didn’t get the leaving moment. You know running under an arch of arms.

OP posts:
speluncean · 09/07/2023 07:01

Weddingbirthdaydrama · 09/07/2023 07:00

It was noticed as a lot of people left early. I think most were gone by 11. Bride didn’t get the leaving moment. You know running under an arch of arms.

Is this a thing? I've been to lots of weddings and never had that happen.

speluncean · 09/07/2023 07:02

Sorry -is this a thing now?

I was at two wedding last year and it didn't happen in either of them (and I was there til the very end for both - stayed in the hotel and chatted til god knows when with family and friends I'd not seen in years)

BillyNoM8s · 09/07/2023 07:02

Weddingbirthdaydrama · 09/07/2023 07:00

It was noticed as a lot of people left early. I think most were gone by 11. Bride didn’t get the leaving moment. You know running under an arch of arms.

I had no idea this was thing.

Don't people usually do their staged photo ops earlier in the evening, when everyone is still in one piece?

Original poster
Weddingbirthdaydrama · 09/07/2023 07:04

I don’t know if it’s a thing. Just going on what I have been told.

OP posts:
Cheeseplantt · 09/07/2023 07:20

I think the bride has shown incredibly poor judgement choosing her sisters 21st to get married on so I'm completely with your daughters on this one. Keep out of it and plead ignorance if the shit hits the fan.

LimeCheesecake · 09/07/2023 07:20

I’m glad 21st girl got to have her birthday marked - sad her parents didn’t.

Merrow · 09/07/2023 08:02

I've never seen an arch of arms at any of the weddings I've been to?

StormShadow · 09/07/2023 08:11

Weddingbirthdaydrama · 09/07/2023 02:42

The little buggers did it. All snuck out at about 930 after the cake was cut. I left at 10 to take the oldies home and a few with young children left then as well. Apparently it was a very quiet reception. I have had a few texts this morning asking me where all the kids went. I am just pretending not to know.

Ouch. But that was always going to happen!

Agree with other posters, you knew nothing about any of this and it's come as a surprise to you.

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 09/07/2023 08:13

Good for them in my opinion amd I hope the birthday girl had a wonderful birthday. More people need to stick up to people who do shitty things. Hopefully the bride learns a lesson, doubtful, people like that never do, but the birthday girl learned that her cousins see the situation for what it is and have her back.
Oh and the sisters aren't competing... its the older one with an issue.

DisforDarkChocolate · 09/07/2023 08:28

Even if this was the only suitable date most families would automatically think of a way of celebrating a 21st very close to the actual date. I cannot imagine saying no to a birthday balloon! I hope the birthday girl had a lovely party 🥳

OneLittleFinger · 09/07/2023 08:56

Am so glad the birthday girl got her party and I really hope she doesn't get it in the neck from her parents as well as her sister.

It's interesting that you say she's the golden child and I'm wondering if, actually, the situation mirrors my own. One to one I seem to be the golden child because I'm the calmer character and get on with my mother, but in reality my mother has spent the last 20 years appeasing my much older sibling so, in fact, I get treated as the scapegoat, having my wants and needs ignored in case my sibling throws a tantrum.

caringcarer · 09/07/2023 09:18

FloweryName · 01/07/2023 04:02

I’d keep quiet. If bride can’t even let her own sister have a few balloons on her 21st then she’s not worth the sister sacrificing her birthday for. It was nasty of her to book her wedding on her sisters 21st anyway.

This. Say nothing OP, you didn't know it was happening.

JenniferBarkley · 09/07/2023 09:20

speluncean · 09/07/2023 06:50

Good for them.

Being the scapegoat to a golden child is awful.

The birthday girl is the golden child, and the bride is painted to the whole extended family as being jealous of the birthday girl's beauty etc. The wedding date was the scapegoat trying to get some attention at the expense of the golden child.

Bride shouldn't have done it, but there's very clearly a complicated relationship at play here and OP is wise to stay out of it!

Hopelesscynic · 09/07/2023 10:15

Good for them but imo they should not be hiding that they celebrated the younger sister's birthday. They could simply say "yes we stayed for a reasonable amount of time (through the entire wedding essentially) and then went out to celebrate our other cousin's special day because we love her too"
Anyone who tries to argue with that would look really petty.

Lakeshorelilac · 09/07/2023 10:52

I think I'm in a minority reading these latest replies, but I definitely think birthday girl and cousins should have celebrated her birthday the next day instead of on the wedding day. I think to do what they did was really really poor form and that OP should have put a stop to it earlier. If I suspected my kids were involved in planning something like this I'd have put my foot down. Very, very badly done.