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Original poster

Viewing of body at funeral home

213 replies

YayOrNae · 26/06/2023 21:37

Just watched Eastenders and family visiting Lola in the funeral parlour.

Have you visited someone who'd died prior to their funeral? Did you regret going? Or not going? Did it bring you peace?

OP posts:
justco · 26/06/2023 21:44

Yes my brother ,
It was awful but glad I went. Helped me accept his death and say some last things to him

tintable · 26/06/2023 21:45

I've only ever viewed my uncles body. He was fine when I'd last saw him. Found out he has very aggressive cancer and died very quickly after diagnosis.

I remember him as jolly and plump. Grey hair and a happy smile. In his coffin, he had white hair, was very thin and just looked like a completely different person.

My dad forced me into it to ensure that I wouldn't be frightened of dead people.

I'd never necessarily been frightened of dead people before. Ironically, he always said it's not the dead you should be afraid of - it's the living.

So yes, I'd absolutely actively avoid seeing anyone in a coffin. I was far too young to have done that but looking back I appreciate that my dads head probably wasn't in the right place after the rapid and unexpected passing of his brother.

dizzydizzydizzy · 26/06/2023 21:49

I have never done it and never felt tempted. I can't see what I would get out of it.

orangeclubsarebest · 26/06/2023 21:51

I visited my dad and wished I hadn't. I did it because I felt like I was rushed at the hospital when he died and I wanted a bit more time. But he didn't look like him. It just added to the trauma of it all really.

rwalker · 26/06/2023 21:51

Never went to see my dad didn’t feel the need
frighted of not liking what I’d see and not being able to forget it

speluncean · 26/06/2023 21:51

Yes I have. Many times. Irish catholic so most were in the front room or a bedroom

CornedBeef451 · 26/06/2023 21:52

I have but only to support my dad.

It was my uncle and then my brother. I wouldn't recommend it. I told my brother he felt like meat, it was all a bit odd.

My dad likes to say goodbye though, he's had a lot of people die.

FatGirlSwim · 26/06/2023 21:53

I have found it very difficult when people have died and I haven’t been able to see them afterwards.

RosaSkye · 26/06/2023 21:53

I had to make a decision about whether to go and see my dad when I was 30. I decided not to because on the night he died I made it to the hospice just after he’d passed, and I had really peaceful memories of spending that time with him and him looking peacefully asleep. I said what I wanted to and came out to a peaceful spring night full of stars.

I figured that last memory of seeing him was as good as it gets, and therefore it was a risk to go to the funeral home and experience anything different.

I completely understand why people do though- his wife for example chose to go, because she wanted to feel that she’d seen him and was happy with how he’d been presented etc before the service. It’s a deeply personal decision and I think it depends so much on the circumstances of death too.

eatdrinkandbemerry · 26/06/2023 21:53

No my dad died when I was 16 but I chose to remember him alive and I thought i might feel traumatised.
I'm well old now and still I'm glad I didn't view his body.

Sunnydaysaredefhere · 26/06/2023 21:54

Not my own family but I drove my bestie to see her dm and she asked me to go in! Hadn't the heart to say no. She was a fantastic lady but had no real emotional feelings when I saw her..
My dh's best mate died in our arms. That broke me. Didn't need to see him in his coffin...

HundredMilesAnHour · 26/06/2023 21:54

No I haven't. I haven't wanted to. I want to remember the loved ones I've lost as they were when they were alive. The memories of the last time I saw my mother before she died are hard enough.

Givemeabreak01 · 26/06/2023 21:55

I did... my uncle... auntie... papa and niece.... only 1 looked like they did in life... some were harrowing

GrazingSheep · 26/06/2023 21:55

Yes, many times.

Apprenticenomore · 26/06/2023 21:56

Most Irish funerals have a “wake” at home or at the funeral home before the funeral and most have an open coffin so I have seen many a dead person. I was also present when my grandmother took her last breaths.

JaneJeffer · 26/06/2023 21:57

Hundreds of people - also Irish

Shmithecat2 · 26/06/2023 21:58

I've done it once. Never again. It didn't help then and it hasn't 6 years on.

BigcatLittlecat · 26/06/2023 21:59

I saw my sister which was awful, it didn't look like her and she had had a full post mortum so I was aware that they had messed her around. But I went as she had special needs and it was the last thing I could ever do for her to make sure all was ok! Her coffin and lining was beautiful and she would have liked that! It was heart breaking!
I also saw elderly Dad who looked just like he was sleeping! So peaceful and whilst still sad, not in the same way as my sister. We were with my Mum so we were all supporting her! (She didn't come to see my sister as we were with her when she passed) I was glad she hadn't seen my sister it would have distressed her terribly!

AinsleysOnions · 26/06/2023 21:59

I went to see my dad, not through choice but to support my mum who wanted to go. It was very odd, it just wasn't him, it was a cold, waxy stranger. I know it is an obvious thing to say, but he was just an empty shell and I wish I'd not seen him. But luckily the lovely memories of him being alive far outweigh the memories of that scene.

ThursdayFreedom · 26/06/2023 22:00

YayOrNae · 26/06/2023 21:37

Just watched Eastenders and family visiting Lola in the funeral parlour.

Have you visited someone who'd died prior to their funeral? Did you regret going? Or not going? Did it bring you peace?

Yes, I have, sadly too many people.

Never regretted going, my mum regrets not letting me see my Nana.

it brings me comfort & it helps me accept their deaths.

When my Dad died, I went most days, including the morning of his funeral. I talked to him a lot.

Xx

Eyesopenwideawake · 26/06/2023 22:00

Two grandmothers and a grandfather, all died naturally and peacefully. Seeing them for a last time reinforced the fact that 'they' had gone and all that was left was a shell.

As an aside I've seen many dead animals, from chickens to cats and dogs and horses. It's the same emotion - the personality is no longer present but the memories will survive in my mind.

Caramelsmadfuzzytail · 26/06/2023 22:00

Nope. I watched my dad die, saw him when he took his last breath. Had absolutely no desire whatsoever to see his body in a box.
Why anybody would want to look at the shell of a person is beyond me, especially as they won't look anything like they did when alive.

Siezethefish · 26/06/2023 22:01

I saw my Mum. She passed away around 3 weeks after I had last seen her (and because we live a long way from her I didn’t see her that often so I felt I needed to see her to accept that she had ‘gone’). Wish I hadn’t done so, it was
harrowing.

Zarataralara · 26/06/2023 22:02

Only once, a friend. It was awful. First I’d got lost so was late, the man at the undertakers found this hilarious for some reason. He then almost took me to the wrong body. Luckily he handed me over to a young woman assistant and she was very kind. It was a harrowing experience.
As DH died in an accident I didn’t go to see him, I felt he wouldn’t want me to.

Lilbunnyfufu · 26/06/2023 22:02

I've been to view a few people in the funeral home and felt different about them all.
The most distressing was when I went to identify a body and it wasn't the person. That's haunted me for a long time.