Viewing of body at funeral home

[YayOrNae]

Just watched Eastenders and family visiting Lola in the funeral parlour.

Have you visited someone who'd died prior to their funeral? Did you regret going? Or not going? Did it bring you peace?

I've seen lots as a nurse. Most people do look quite different.

Id never seen a dead person until my husband passed suddenly in hospital. He had not long passed when my son and i saw him to saw goodbye. Awful. Heartbreaking especially so for my 15 yesr old son. My other son who was 19 took himself off.

Then my dad passed in hospital after lingering for 4 days end of life. Again just awful. He was on a ward do not nice either for the other patients to hear us all upset.

Never viewed at a funeral.parlour though. Never saw either of my nans ir my young cousin who was 10 and killed whilst on a zebra crossing. My mum did but she wishes she hadnt she still thinks about it now years after

In general Ireland is similar in many ways to the UK. Funerals is definitely one thing we are very, very different on.
I have seen family, friends, neighbours, friend’s relatives etc all laid out and I don’t go to very many funerals.
Although there is definitely a difference between city funerals and country funerals in Ireland.

My dad had been battling colon cancer for a couple of years and it had metastised to his face :(. I wasn't able to be there when he passed because of distance so I felt I needed to say goodbye to him properly. The funeral directors had met withy dad when he was alive. He had chosen his coffin and paid for the funeral :'( So they kind of knew him I felt. He looked so at peace in the coffin. His face looked free of pain and it was like he had a little smile. I'm SO glad I saw him. I went again withy aunt. She was adamant she didn't want to see him then once I told her then she decided to see him. She was also happy she went. Was so shocked when I kissed his forehead at how cold and like marble he was :(

Also saw my nan and mother in law at the chapels. Again,so glad I did.

Yes, a couple of times.

One was terrible - she looked dead and nothing like her real life person.

the other had been “made up” well and looked very peaceful.

A friend had this dilemma recently and i explained to her that they don’t look like “them” anymore which can be quite difficult. And once you’ve visited, you can’t unsee it, so personally I wouldn’t recommend it unless you’ve witnessed a particularly traumatic death and need some closure. You have to ask yourself whether that’s really the last memory you want of the person.

She went anyway, found it extremely upsetting and traumatic and really regretted going.

I didn't see my Mam after she'd died, though my sister and Dad did. I didn't want to remember her that way; I'd rather keep my memory of her smiling & waving the last time I saw her.

I don't know whether I would do the opposite in future, though.

I visited my husband a few days ago. He looked mostly like himself, and I'm so glad that I did. Somehow it's brought me a bit of peace.

I’m so pleased

I saw a family member. I walked in and something forced me to turn round and walk straight back out. I can't describe it. It was like I wasn't even walking, like there was a force marching me towards the door. I had a glass of water and went back in. I don't think I will ever do it again.

It's been fascinating reading this thread. Firstly my condolences to all who have lost loved ones, especially who are going through it right now

It struck me how many people found it a traumatic experience and who would never do it again. Someone else mentioned it and I wonder if it has to do with the fact that here in Ireland bodies are released back to the family usually the next day. Does the time frame make a difference in the appearance of the body?

Or is it simply that we are more used to it - I've seen more bodies than I can count. I would never think twice about it and usually family will stay with their loved one all night. Traditionally the body would not be left alone once they have been brought home until the coffin is closed for removal to the church

It's interesting to me that even as we become a more secular country and the church is losing/has lost its power and control we still retain so many of the traditions surrounding death. There are more non religious funerals now, more cremations but the core of how we mourn and celebrate and remember our dead remains the same.

Personally i cant think of anything worse! Or useless too. Its not as if they can hear or see you. Quite macabre really.

Pleased that some of you found it reassuring.

I would rather remember my loved ones alive. Both my parents died within the last five years. My dad who I was extremely close to, died unexpectedly in his sleep. When we all arrived the following morning, my mum was in shock, but said she knew immediately that whilst he had gone, he was still looking like my dad. My DD went to see him before the funeral directors arrived. The police were in attendance because it was a sudden death. My DD is a doctor in ICU, so death is sadly a daily occurrence for her. She saw him a few hours after we think he died. I wanted to see him with her, she said let me go first. So me and his other two grandchildren waited. She came down stairs in tears, and shook her head. “Remember him as he was”, so we didn’t see him. I hate to think that seeing him upset her, he adored all of us, and wouldn’t want any of us to be upset further.

My mum went the day before she died. I sat beside her bed. It was horrendous. It will haunt me all my life. In a side room in hospital, end of life care. And she just hung on until it was her time. I kissed her goodbye at the end and left. I had no desire to see her in the funeral home,I’d already seen her “gone” and it broke my heart.

Yes, I'm not quite sure how many bodies I have seen. Dozens anyway, including my father's. Death is very traumatic. Seeing the body does not make it worse in my view.