Viewing of body at funeral home

[YayOrNae]

Just watched Eastenders and family visiting Lola in the funeral parlour.

Have you visited someone who'd died prior to their funeral? Did you regret going? Or not going? Did it bring you peace?

My husband died at home, suddenly. The ambulance people kindly asked whether they should leave him on the floor or put him to bed while i waited for the undertaker. I asked them to put him to bed, and spent the time waiting (an hour or so in total) lying with him, my head on his chest. So I felt no need to see him in the funeral parlour. I’d said my goodbyes, in our home, in our bed. There was nothing to be gained, for me, in seeing him in a funeral parlour. Had I not had the opportunity to spend time with him at home after he died I might have had a different view. But his parents also didn’t want to see him there either - they said it wouldn’t really be him and they didn’t want to go. Their choice, which I completely respected and still do.

More times than I can count, and from a very young age. I'm Irish so as others have said it's fairly normal for us. My dad and grandad and granny would have been home with us for a few days between when they died and the funeral. I know it's unusual for some but I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I went with my mum to see my nan.
My overiding memory is how tiny she looked.

When I was growing up she was small in height but what would probably be best described as ‘buxom’ . She had dementia and by her death had lost so much weight she looked very different.

They had done a good job, her hair was lovely, she always liked her shampoo and set, with a perm every six months, and she had her little gold sleeper earrings.
I’m glad I went.

My friend and I went to say goodbye to our mutual friend. We didn't see her in hospital- she had requested no visitors towards the end but we'd spent her dying months with her and just wanted to see her one more time. Like other posters I couldn't relate to her body being there but she was long gone (3 weeks prior). Her hands were very waxy and she was a creamy pale colour but we kissed her goodbye. She was so young and had died of cancer. She still had the 'steroid bloom' on her and looked the same as she had in life only diminished. It's personal choice given the circumstances I think, we knew she wouldn't look ravaged and she looked peaceful and just not there.

Visited my grandad in the funeral home a couple of days before the funeral. I kept looking at him almost wondering if his personality was trapped in this dead body wanting to get out, just a very very strange feeling. However, really glad I went and said goodbye

My dad is in the funeral home right now, I have no interest in seeing his body. He's not there anymore so there's no point.

Yes I went to see my brother, my nana, my auntie and my dad. I don't feel like I regret any of the experiences because I feel used to it now. I've lost a lot of people and they all died unexpectedly apart from my auntie. However, my auntie only had a brief illness that became worse so it was still a shock.

To be honest it's a strange experience and I can understand why people don't do it. I think it all depends on if you seen them prior to death/if you feel like you need to do it for closure etc.

My brother was the first person I seen. I was 14 at the time. He died in a car accident. He did look different but not in a bad way really. The only thing that freaked me out was he was wearing a cap and my mum took it off and his head was shaved due to the post mortem and he looked really odd when she took it off. But I felt I needed to see him as he was only 17 when he died and I needed time with him.

With my nana she died at home without warning, although she was old with dementia. We seen her at home prior and she looked bad at home. I didn't want that to be my last memory so I'm glad I went to see her, she looked peaceful.

With my auntie, I visited her in hospital when she was unconscious. She looked peaceful in hospital. She died the next day which none of us really thought would happen. Out of all the family I've seen I would say this was my biggest regret in a way as she looked totally different in the Chapel of rest! Not bad but not herself. I didn't stay for too long.

With my dad, he also died at home. And he did not look peaceful at all. It was quite shocking. I had to go and see him, he was my dad after all and I needed to see him in a different state to what I seen him at home. Again my dad looked no different really in the Chapel, it definitely brought me some peace to see him.

I wouldn't say its a nice experience but I guess it gives you time to have some final moments with them. I could never be in the room alone though, I always had to have another family member there.

I'll also add my nana, dad and brother all went to the same Chapel of rest. He was a family friend and they all looked the best he could make out of the situation. So hats off to him, I supposed it may of helped that he knew what they looked like prior to dying?

My auntie on the other hand went to another Chapel and she didn't look like herself at all.

Sorry for the long post!

My grandparent and my husband's parent. The first one helped me to have closure and to say goodbye. The second helped my husband to do the same. I would definitely do it with any close relative now. I felt much lighter both times, and like I had done what I needed to for them.

That is so very very sad. It should have been your choice and yours alone and it is so unfair that you were denied that.

I wanted to see my gran in the beautiful outfit I picked for her to wear for her funeral, and see her looking so smart one last time rather than how awful she looked when she died. My mum didn't want to, which is absolutely fair enough and her choice, so the lovely lady vicar who took gran's service and who was so kind to me throughout the whole process came across the road to the funeral home and came with me, then left us alone and waited outside for me. It was a beautiful moment that we still talk about.

I’m a nurse so often see dead bodies and help lay them out. It’s the last thing I can do for the family and take time to make them look as nice as I can.

I’ve seen a friend in the funeral home, was hard but they’d taken time to put on her normal glittery eye shadow.

I saw my gran in the hospital just after she passed and then the chapel of rest with my family, a few days later.

I visited my Nan last week in the funeral home, and she looked tiny, but was wearing an expensive dress she’d bought but hadn’t had a chance to wear. Sat with her for ages telling her how much I loved her, and that I would never forget her.

I’ve found all these experiences cathartic and haven’t regretted any of them, but totally understand that this is not the same for everyone.

I could have visited to see my father's body, but I really didn't want to. I've never regretted not going.

I've been and seen 3 close relatives 2 was ok just looked like they were sleeping which was calming for me as i seen them and knew they where out off pain and free. Last one I went to quite recently was not so good looked nothing like her and I do regret seeing her that way.

Yes, my mum two weeks ago. I wasn't initially sure if I wanted to, but I didn't want any regrets in the future if I didn't.

She looked at peace and I am glad that I went and it gave me the opportunity to say goodbye privately and to thank her for everything that she has done for me.

my Mum died in hospital in the middle of the night- I was not there when she died, so I went to chapel of rest to see her. I felt the need to check they hadn’t made a mistake, as when I saw her in hospital in the morning she was fine sitting up talking.
She looked like my Mum, asleep, but just the outer shell, her personality, warmth, living being was gone. She was also very very cold. She had complained of being too hot in the hospital. It was nice to have closure, say my goodbyes and know she wasn’t too hot anymore. I was 40 years old. It is not the abiding memory of her, but it was a good goodbye.

I'm so so sorry ❤️

Too many to count. Two this week in fact.

It’s part and parcel of an Irish funeral yet I’ve never given it much thought if I get anything out of seeing a corpse as such but more of an opportunity to give my respects to the deceased’s loved ones.
Both my parents wakes with open casket gave me an enormous feeling of peace and a chance to have a final goodbye.
Wakes can be a roller coaster of immense sadness, sorrow, peacefulness and comfort.

Yes very normal where I’m from in Ireland. The remains will be taken home for 2 days or so before the funeral to be waked and everyone will visit to the pay their respects. That includes friends, colleagues of the family. It’s an important part of the grieving process.

Went to see my grandmother,was not how I wanted to remember her,they had done her make up all wrong and hated feeling her so cold.Chose not to see my Grandfather 2 years later

I visited both of my grandparents and helped do my grandmother's nails, hair, etc. I went nearly every day while they were there and it did bring me a lot of peace as neither deaths were expected so I had a lot I felt I wanted to say still.

Just to add, I watched my mum die, it was horrendous watch her go over her final days.
She looked absolutely retched in her last few days as cancer ravaged through her.
When she was brought home for the wake she looked like Mum, in her favourite outfit with her hair and make up done, it was so comforting. I’d have hated the last memory of her I had was those final hours in the hospital as she gasped for breath.

No. I was present when my mother died and with my father until a couple of hours before he died.

I didn't feel the need to see them again.

Yes, I went to see my dad. I found it comforting. Gave him a kiss on the forehead and fixed his hair and told him I loved him.

I was with my mum when she died, but I did go to see her in the chapel of rest. I was young and it was my first experience of death. I can't remember being disturbed about seeing the way she looked, she was young, and so I don't know if that makes a difference to the way a prepared body would look? I did kiss her forehead though, and it was like putting my lips against ice. That might be an exaggeration, but I wasn't expecting it to be so cold.

Since then, I've lost my dad, MIL and FIL and my grandad, and I haven't visited any of them in a chapel of rest. Although I saw them all after they'd just died, except my grandad.

My mum took me with her to view her mother -I think I was about 7 or 8 - I just remember the smell, my mum kissed and held her hand.
I didn’t really know her mum that well I just remember her telling us off for noise and she had giant water filled ulcers on her legs. I wasn’t allowed to go to the funeral though that would be too traumatic. I had nightmares about her for years, I used to see her sat in the corner of my bedroom in a wheelchair.

My dad is in a funeral home at the moment and I'm really torn as to whether to go and see him.
I spent a lot of time with him the few weeks before he passed as he was really quite poorly. I told him everything I needed to tell him, sang to him, cared for him. I was there with him when he died and sat with him until the undertaker's came.
The wonderful ladies at the care home dressed him in his best clothes, did his hair, put his aftershave on, so I got to sit with him looking like himself for about 3 hours.
I've spent the last 3 years visiting him making sure he's never alone and got everything he needed, so it seems like I'm abandoning him by not going, but I'm not sure I really want to.