Viewing of body at funeral home

[YayOrNae]

Just watched Eastenders and family visiting Lola in the funeral parlour.

Have you visited someone who'd died prior to their funeral? Did you regret going? Or not going? Did it bring you peace?

Loads
It's standard practice in Ireland
In some ways this part is more important, the final good bye, kiss
Letters in the coffin, money for the everyman etc

I went to see my dad.

He died in a hospice and I wasn’t there when he took his last breath, though got The Phonecall and arrived with 30 mins of him going.

He had an industrial disease so it took 3 weeks or so to do the paperwork. I live abroad and flitted between my other country and the UK between him dying and the funeral and when the possibility to see him came up, I just thought “this is the absolute last time I’ll be able see him” so I went. I think the geographical distance spurred me to find one last moment with him.

It wasn’t him. But then it wasn’t him 30 mins after he died at the hospice. But I’m so glad I went. No one else came with me and I enjoyed those few minutes totally alone with him. At the hospice it was a shock, everyone else (family, nurses) were there so even though I had a few minutes alone with him, it felt like I had to share that time a bit. At the funeral home it was just us. He looked different, his face had fallen back with gravity so kind of looked like he was in a strong wind on a motorbike or something. He would’ve found that funny. I touched his arm (cold, hard). I asked him where he’d gone. For me this was the most mind blowing thing that a body could be there but the soul, the person, the personality had gone.

I had a beer in the pub next door afterwards and sat in the beer garden in the sun. Only time I’ve ever drank alone.

It’s actually a very special memory, despite the heartbreak of it all.

Yes I saw DM in the funeral home before the funeral home, with my teenage DS. We were the only members of the family who wanted to and we both wanted to say goodbye. DS and I were also the only members alongside DBrother and DNephew to see mum at the care home after death.

Mum died after we visited her that afternoon and I missed it so felt I wanted to be with her body again and give her a last kiss. She looked beautiful in the wedding outfit she wore only once to her brother's wedding. The makeup wasn't great but there's only so much you can do. She was in a beautiful coffin made of Somerset willow.

Completely understand why people make the decision not to see the body or who are not sure. To the latter, I can only say I found it moving, peaceful, spiritual and am glad I went. I felt a strong sense that mum's soul had departed and she was in heaven and (I'm a Christian) with The Lord.

I saw my Mum in the funeral home and it was not a good experience - dolled up with makeup and definitely not as she would have wished. I therefore chose not to see Dad at the funeral home.

I did the same with my OH, but I was with him moments after he died and had watched him dying for many months - I did not need any convincing he was gone.

Yes,I went to see my mum and my dad at the funeral home after they died,mainly because I took my aunts there as they were not present at the hospital when either of them passed away.I remember seeing my uncle in an open coffin at his house before his funeral.That was quite traumatic as he'd had cancer and had lost a lot of weight.Didn't look like my uncle at all.
DH and I had to identify my FIL at the hospital morgue. That was pretty harrowing.

I didn’t go and see my dad when he had died, it was a very sudden death, but I preferred to remember him as he was. My sisters saw him, one said he didn’t look like himself. I’m glad I didn’t see him, I didn’t need it.

I’ve held my stillborn niece. She was beautiful, tiny and perfect. She felt like any sleeping newborn, it was hard to take in that she couldn’t be brought back somehow because she was so perfect. I’ll never regret meeting her.

There are two parts to an Irish funeral, the removal and the funeral itself. The removal is usually a day or two after the person died, although it can be delayed if family are abroad. It takes place either in a funeral home or the home of the deceased or a family member. Everyone goes along and sympathises with the family who are gathered around the (usually) open casket. If it's at home, there are usually refreshments. It's less usual to have refreshments in a funeral home but some do. If it's a religious funeral, there are prayers and then the casket is transferred to the church for the funeral the next day.

Having seen my grandmother just after she died I know that I will not be going to see her in the chapel of rest.

I want to remember her as she was when she'd just died - lying in the middle of us all with us all sat around with her and chatting and remembering her.

I couldn't begin to imagine 💔 I'm so sorry.

No I haven’t but was with both of my parents when they died. Even 5-10 minutes after death, they didn’t look like them anymore. I’m glad I was able to be with them when they actually died. If I hadn’t, I imagine I’d have been offered the chance to see them after death and would have probably taken it. I’m glad I didn’t have that experience.

My dear Grandpa! So strange but he looked really peaceful. First time I looked at him knowing he wasn't suffering anymore with cancer!
Still heartbreaking though none the less

I have, with my dad, my gran, a close friend & my brother in law.
In my Dads case I saw him in the funeral home & then we brought him home for a few days. His coffin was open & several family members visited. We even had tea & cake with his Irish cousins with him lying just feet away. My 4yr old son played on the floor beside the coffin, although it was closed when he was around, we explained the funeral was a party to celebrate Grandads life & he called the coffin Grandads party box. the

With my Gran, she died days before my wedding & we buried her just days after, I was able to leave bridal bouquet in her hands so it was buried with her.
In all cases i think it brought me peace tbh, although it's definitely not for everyone

Irish Catholic, was made to kiss my (dead) grandfather when I was about 8. Haven't been near a dead body since.

@YayOrNae the removal is when the coffin is taken to church for the funeral. It's usually on the morning of the funeral if they're waked at home but sometimes the evening before if from a funeral home and left overnight in the church. Nowadays though it could be straight to the burial if they weren't religious.

Not in the funeral home but we brought my aunt home the night before her funeral in an open casket. It was nice to sit with her in her own home but in hindsight she'd not have wanted people gawping at her.

I sat with her husband in the care home after he died - I held his hand for a couple of hours while we waited for the undertaker to come. Not something I ever though I'd find comfort in

I didn't feel the need to go and see him after that as I'd had that time with him

I have never wanted to, but I have seen both my Grandmas and my Dad. All became my mum wanted me to, but its a horrible way to remember someone.

My mum and I went to see my Dad four days after he passed away (nursing home, middle of the night so we hadn’t been there when it happened).

I went mainly to support Mum, knowing that she’d probably get hysterical and I would have to be the voice of reason.

I couldn’t even get into the room. Took one look at him from doorway, screamed ‘that’s not my Dad’ and hurtled screaming back into the funeral directors office. My mum, on the other hand found it really peaceful and helpful and went another three times between then and the funeral. I had a closed coffin visit the day before which was right for me.

I can’t imagine ever viewing a body again.

I went to see my Dad. He had died of cancer, and it had been a long journey. He was wearing his best suit, and looked so smart. I’d only seen him in comfortable clothes / dressing gown for such a long time. It wasn’t quite him, but it was comforting to see him like that. He looked at peace.

Thank you!

My Aunty said my Grandad felt like pork.

🫣🫣🫣

To add to what Jane & Ochon have said about removals, it's hard to convey what (mostly) the sympathising at removals is like. At any reasonable sized funeral, it is literally handshake after handshake as those attending sympathise with the family. It's exhausting but I found it comforting too - my dad's funeral was huge (he had a fairly public role so was well known) & the presence of so many did help.

More recently, in Dublin, I've been to very unusual removals in that there were few mourners & the family were scattered around the funeral home, rather than in one place to sympathise with. There is definitely an impact on some practices, in some places, post Covid.

I never have, and can't imagine ever wanting to. Once someone is dead, in my view, that's it there's nothing, so viewing the body is meaningless. Of course people should have a choice, so it's very much "each to their own".

Worth noting though and this won't be the same for everyone but after seeing my grandpa I had nightmares for weeks

We’re Scottish Catholic (but of Irish descent) and that’s how we do it too. My father was taken to the chapel the night before, the mourners walked him there. My grandparents were morning of the funeral and we walked from the house. But we didn’t have the caskets at home for any of them. I think most people where I live do it the night before now, my grandparents died many years ago now.

I went to see my brother after he died, he looked at peace which was a relief after his last few months. I don't regret it for a moment.
My sister didn't come to visit him and she has no regrets about her decision either.

I went to see my Mum with my Dad and regretted it. She had had an aggressive cancer with a lot of treatment and she had deteriorated beyond recognition. I have had to force that from my memory. When my younger brother died suddenly a few years ago, I decided not to go. He was already brain dead when I said goodbye and that was enough. I think some people find comfort from it, and that's fine, but it's not something I'd seek to do again.