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Original poster

Consequences of 19 year old with a 49 year old?

217 replies

Scribbleonapage · 21/06/2023 20:38

Do you think that a 19 year old girl seeing a 49 year old man would have lasting negative consequences? Do you think it would be likely to affect the 19 yo even if she doesn't realise it? Is a 49 year old in this situation always in the wrong/a bad guy?

OP posts:
BansheeofInisherin · 21/06/2023 20:39

Yes, he is always the bad guy. And yes, it will have negative consequences. She will become his carer.

PaigeMatthews · 21/06/2023 20:39

Of course

Newusernameaug · 21/06/2023 20:40

Yes that’s awful, poor girl

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19 years old
SoccerStars · 21/06/2023 20:42

yes. I’m in my 30s and I see all teenagers as children /young adults. If a man at nearly 50 sees a 19 year old as a love interest something is very wrong.

IwishIcouldButIcantSoIwont · 21/06/2023 20:42

The age gap will soon become apparent. My son was 23 when he got with a woman of 51. We all got on well with her (she was older than me), and they were in a relationship for 8 years - lived together, got a mortgage, etc. He realised, at the age of 31 (she 59) that he wanted different things to her - they split, and now he's with someone 7 years younger, and they have a baby.

Clipboard007 · 21/06/2023 20:44

Yes, that is pretty grim. The 19 year old would regret it and feel repulsion one day, I imagine. People will judge and if it lasts and the 19 year old is 40 and still in their prime, they'll be 70.

Clipboard007 · 21/06/2023 20:47

And yes, the 49 year old should know better, and if he is attracted emotionally (unlikely) to someone who is 19 then I would imagine he is extremely immature.

Original poster
Scribbleonapage · 21/06/2023 20:49

If it's short lived (9 months) and it's kept a secret rather than an out there relationship, do you think it would be likely to affect the 19 year old even later in life, like would this be a significant thing to happen, or do you think it'd be easy to get over and move on with life without any lasting affects? 19 years old isn't exactly a child so not sure to what extent this "relationship" would have at that age. Sorry for all the strange questions without much info. Don't exactly have anyone i could talk about this with

OP posts:
Oblomov23 · 21/06/2023 20:51

That is grim.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 21/06/2023 20:54

I think if it's being kept a secret then it's more likely to have an affect. To keep it secrest there must already be an element of it feeling not right, which would, I'd think, make regrets more likely.

ForTheSakeOfThePenguin · 21/06/2023 20:56

If it is kept a secret… why? And most importantly, how long has it been a secret? Long enough for the guy to be in jail?

The age of consent is 16 and doesn’t have any specification about acceptable and unacceptable age gaps.

maranella · 21/06/2023 20:56

A 30-year age gap? That's disgusting, sorry! She could be his daughter. And I know that's the case with smaller age gaps too, but they're completely different generations. He's an old perv. I'm 49 and could never look on a 19-year-old as a potential partner.

user50316 · 21/06/2023 20:57

Well I guess there can be "lasting implications" for lots of relationships, whether there's an age gap or not. My cousin dated a man who was older than her (not 30 years older, but maybe 20ish years older when she was 23 or 22?) and it was the best thing that ever happened. He was kind and caring and looked after her. They split amicably (he was at her wedding in fact) and all was well. I don't think the 19 year old will be "damaged" unless there's other things at play

AlwaysGinPlease · 21/06/2023 20:57

Scribbleonapage · 21/06/2023 20:38

Do you think that a 19 year old girl seeing a 49 year old man would have lasting negative consequences? Do you think it would be likely to affect the 19 yo even if she doesn't realise it? Is a 49 year old in this situation always in the wrong/a bad guy?

Why the last line? It's obvious. Grim.

LindorDoubleChoc · 21/06/2023 20:58

Why do you ask OP?

99.99% of people would think a relationship with that kind of age gap when the younger person is only 19 is wrong.

The vast majority of moderately intelligent people would be able to see problems with any relationship with a 30 year age gap - even if the adults are 30 and 60!

So what are you really asking and why? Confused

Original poster
Scribbleonapage · 21/06/2023 20:58

@ForTheSakeOfThePenguin the man is a friend of the girls family and her dad/rest of the family would be extremely angry with him. Plus both of them know a relationship couldn't work due to the large age gap but they find each other attractive so it's purely just a sexual thing

OP posts:
ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 21/06/2023 21:03

You're the 19 year old arent you?

It's disgusting.

ForTheSakeOfThePenguin · 21/06/2023 21:03

You may like to consider the possibility that this “relationship” may have started longer ago than claimed, hence the secrecy of it, especially if the guy had had access to this kid for and is trusted by her family.

Denise82 · 21/06/2023 21:04

Are you the 19 year old op?

Niceseasidetown · 21/06/2023 21:05

OP is not the 19 year old hence why he is so keen to be assured that there will be no long term consequences for the child

KarmaIsMyBF · 21/06/2023 21:07

My mum was 19 and my dad 50 when I was born. She was lucky he didn't need much care until he was near death at 77.

TheSnootiestFox · 21/06/2023 21:07

I was a 17 year old in a secret relationship with a married man of 53 or 54 once. He was my next door neighbour. I now realise how screwed up that was and it's affected me to the point I've needed counselling, if that helps at all 😕

MattDamon · 21/06/2023 21:07

IwishIcouldButIcantSoIwont · 21/06/2023 20:42

The age gap will soon become apparent. My son was 23 when he got with a woman of 51. We all got on well with her (she was older than me), and they were in a relationship for 8 years - lived together, got a mortgage, etc. He realised, at the age of 31 (she 59) that he wanted different things to her - they split, and now he's with someone 7 years younger, and they have a baby.

Wow, how did they even meet? Did he see it as a cougar thing at first, or they genuinely connected?

romdowa · 21/06/2023 21:08

Denise82 · 21/06/2023 21:04

Are you the 19 year old op?

I think op is the 50 year old !

TheYear2000 · 21/06/2023 21:08

It's really not good. I had things with much younger "older men" at a similar age (say a 32 year old when I was 19) and when I got to my late twenties I realised how messed up the power balance had been and how naive I had been. It's really not surprising or rare for an older man to find a young woman "hot"- it's also not surprising or romantic to find a young woman with low self esteem who is flattered by a man's attention. I'd say the 19 year old needs to recognise that it's a pretty sad and morally dubious 50 year old who would go near their 19 year old family friend, who they presumably knew as a child a short time ago. It's gross.
And the 19 year old should concentrate on themselves, going out with friends, developing some self worth and meeting someone closer to their own age.

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