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Original poster

Would I be a horrid person not to donate?

212 replies

TwittleTwafdle · 30/05/2023 14:11

I used to be good friends with a work colleague. Then something happened (she cocked up, tried to remedy it and failed) and she threw me and a few others under the bus. I've never forgiven her. I moved job because of her. Never spoken since. It worked out ok for me but could have very seriously damaged my career.

Three years on, she has sent a personalised plea asking for money through one of the giving websites. Her eldest DD is horribly unwell and they are seeking treatment abroad.

Would you donate? DH says I'd be mad to do so. Given the circs (he saw the awful stress caused) and I should make a general donation to a relevant charity if I feel I should do something.

OP posts:
happyinherts · 30/05/2023 14:16

Difficult one - being that ultimately it's for her daughter, I think I'd be inclined to donate something.

TeapotCollection · 30/05/2023 14:17

Under those circumstances I wouldn’t give her sod all

TeaKitten · 30/05/2023 14:17

It’s too her poorly daughter to try and save her life, it’s a little bigger than a work fall out. If I could afford to donate I would, I could not be bothered being that petty in life. But if you can’t afford to then of course that’s fine too.

EmmaEmerald · 30/05/2023 14:19

You don't even know she's telling the truth about her daughter though?

Original poster
TwittleTwafdle · 30/05/2023 14:20

I can afford it.

Is it petty? Or is it maintaining the hard line I felt I had drawn in order to maintain sanity?

OP posts:
Coronationstation · 30/05/2023 14:21

i wouldn't. it probably isn't a personalised plea, it could be a mass maildrop to everyone in her address book.

Original poster
TwittleTwafdle · 30/05/2023 14:21

I believe her.

OP posts:
drpet49 · 30/05/2023 14:21

“I've never forgiven her. I moved job because of her. Never spoken since.”

Wow she has some nerve asking you a donation. On this basis no I wouldn’t donate.

Original poster
TwittleTwafdle · 30/05/2023 14:22

It's a mass email but with an intro para which is specifically to me (mentions my kids names - acknowledges we are not in touch - although as if she doesn't know why!)

OP posts:
Paperbagsaremine · 30/05/2023 14:22

I'd take the same line as your DH tbh.

You seriously think she'd even consider doing the same for you?

AlwaysGinPlease · 30/05/2023 14:22

TeapotCollection · 30/05/2023 14:17

Under those circumstances I wouldn’t give her sod all

Agreed

SummerSimmer · 30/05/2023 14:23

I’d maybe donate a tenner and then think to myself I’m a bigger/better person than they are.

FedUpBoiledFrog · 30/05/2023 14:25

I wouldn't if she had caused me all that stress. Just direct all her emails to the spam folder. If anyone else asks just say you never received it.

Beezknees · 30/05/2023 14:27

I never give money to things like this, unless it was family or a very close friend.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 30/05/2023 14:29

Nope. You don't throw me under the bus, cause me career damage to the point I leave the job then hold out the begging bowl to me, whatever it's for; but then I can be a bit Old Testament about stuff like this. There are times I'll be the bigger person and the times I won't.

It's a mass email but with an intro para which is specifically to me (mentions my kids names - acknowledges we are not in touch - although as if she doesn't know why!)

The bloody nerve of the woman.

PurpleBananaSmoothie · 30/05/2023 14:30

Being brutally honest, if they are fundraising for treatment abroad it isn’t likely to just be this one occasion. If you give once, I think you’ll end up being asked again and again. I think if you feel you have to do something, that giving to an associated charity is the way to go.

Londono · 30/05/2023 14:31

I wouldn't donate and your £20 is hardly going to make a difference to those kind of medical costs. And also, are there any cases where seeking treatment abroad is successful? I generally think it is for experimental treatment that gives desperate families false hope.

CurtainsForBea · 30/05/2023 14:31

I would not. Sorry. Maybe that makes me a hard person but no.

Jeannieofthelamp · 30/05/2023 14:31

I understand your dh's position but the situation sounds as bad as it gets so I'd be the bigger person and donate.

daytriptovulcan · 30/05/2023 14:33

It's not a personal request. Ignore it

SirenSays · 30/05/2023 14:34

Her child didn't wrong you. If I could afford to I'd donate and count it as a little good deed for the day.

Blistory · 30/05/2023 14:34

For the sake of old times when you were friends, I would. She did you wrong but she's suffering now. More importantly her child is suffering.

I'd make a small donation, wish her and her child the best of luck and then move on.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 30/05/2023 14:34

No.
You owe her nothing and she was awful to you. She burnt her bridges on that one.

There are many sad and tragic causes I can and do donate to, but I wouldn't donate to a family where someone has caused me so much personal stress and upset.

Seasonofthewitch83 · 30/05/2023 14:35

I would donate, because its not for her, its for her child. What happened at work is terrible but I think compared to a seriously sick child probably still doesnt quite compare.
I think I would ask myself what would she say if she asked in person? 'Sorry about your child but you were a real dickhead at work, hope they don't die.'?

Fabat40ish · 30/05/2023 14:37

Seasonofthewitch83 · 30/05/2023 14:35

I would donate, because its not for her, its for her child. What happened at work is terrible but I think compared to a seriously sick child probably still doesnt quite compare.
I think I would ask myself what would she say if she asked in person? 'Sorry about your child but you were a real dickhead at work, hope they don't die.'?

This