Would I be a horrid person not to donate?

[TwittleTwafdle]

I used to be good friends with a work colleague. Then something happened (she cocked up, tried to remedy it and failed) and she threw me and a few others under the bus. I've never forgiven her. I moved job because of her. Never spoken since. It worked out ok for me but could have very seriously damaged my career.

Three years on, she has sent a personalised plea asking for money through one of the giving websites. Her eldest DD is horribly unwell and they are seeking treatment abroad.

Would you donate? DH says I'd be mad to do so. Given the circs (he saw the awful stress caused) and I should make a general donation to a relevant charity if I feel I should do something.

op. Think maybe posting at all indicated you was ...in the process. Stress phase over.happyy daze x

Op - I think you've done the right thing in terms of peace of mind (ethically, you owed nothing). Enjoy your evening and heed no more.

No because I would be very sceptical about the treatment abroad.

No, because treatment abroad sounds like a scam.

She's obviously absolutely desperate for the money, which is natural given the circumstances..

Only you and your conscious can answer the question, no one should judge you either way you decide to go.

Her DD is an innocent party in all this, so if you know it's legit, I would be inclined to give her £10 (or whatever you feel is right) but I'd send her a message along the lines of you wish her DD a full recovery, but after everything that has happened you wish to be removed from her contacts list.

Her actions could mean that you are penniless now.

I am with your DH , donate what ever amount you want to the related charity, I would let her know you have made this donation ( but not the amount )

As pp said once you donate to her she may well come back for more , it will be much harder to refuse then.

I would suspect she has done a huge mail drop but inserted 1 para related to each person .
So she mentions your dcs names , other colleagues granny / dog/ garden etc

If you can, I would. Firstly because there's a very poorly child involved and you once had a relationship with the mother and secondly, I believe it'll make you feel better and you can stop worrying about it. It'll be good for your mental and emotional well-being to do a kind thing for someone who has hurt you. Be the better person. Give what you can afford and wish her child well. Other than that, you don't need to engage with her.

In those circumstances I absolutely wouldn't donate!

I would but if you wouldn’t I kind of understand too

I wouldn't donate. The fundraising people take a cut, then the treatment is likely futile, they probably won't raise enough to pay for the treatment anyway so then what do they do with the money? No doubt they'll find some way to justify spending it on themselves. The thing that really gets me though, is that these pointless attempts to help just one person means thousands of pounds doesn't get donated to charities trying to find ways to cure these conditions. Sure, some people will see this as an extra donation, but plenty of others will have limited means and only donate once.

In OP's shoes no way. This woman could have ruined her life. OP would be disrespecting herself if she gave this woman money after what she did.

This s a common type of scam. I'd want to see convincing documentary evidence before I would even consider making a donation.

DH says I'd be mad to do so

And he would be right.

Put the whole thing completely out of your mind. Not easy, but very very simple

People shouldn't expect people they've treated like shit to donate, fair enough to ask if they're desperate, not unreasonable for the person not to. I hate all of this emotional blackmail type stuff, end of the day it's worse than a stranger asking imo.

Yes, just donate. It's for her daughter not her.

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain

This handle. Best ever!!!!!

@NotMyMill
There was an Anonymous button so I could donate without my name showing.

I wouldn't feel beholden to donating, yes sure it's for an innocent child but it's beyond cheeky for someone who has been nasty to you and treated you appallingly to come out of the woodwork when they want something. I don't care if it makes me seem heartless, but I treat people how they treat me and I'd be inclined to make a donation to a related charity but nope.

I probably would but I understand why you don't want to.

I don't have much money at all but recently have donated to 2 different fundraisers for terminally ill children. When it comes to stuff like that I just can't help myself and have to give as there is nothing in the world worse to go through than having a child who is dying.

Do what you feel is right and don't feel guilty for whatever decision you make.

You’re an adult. You know what to do deep down. Stick with your decision.

No. Ignore.

I wouldn't donate. You literally only have the word of a website to go on. I could set up a charity giving page for some radical health treatment that I'm in desperate need of that is abroad when the money would be used to travel and go for a holiday. I don't think there is any checks made on whether what someone posts up on those sites is genuine. We just assume they are.

Go fraud me: Scammers use charity sites to trick kindhearted donors flooding £2 billion industry - Mirror Online

I really wouldn't be donating this way. Also I'd send her back an email spelling out why you haven't been in touch and these are her chickens coming home to roost!

If donating would make you feel less conflicted, I'd do it. Maybe anonymously so the woman doesn't use it as an opportunity to try and rekindle a relationship.

I wouldn't think you're a bad person for ignoring the email though.

I wouldnt, you reap what you sow, unless she decided to apologise for what happened in the past. It worked out, but you may have been unemployed and not have money to donate anyways.

I once worked with someone who bollied me at work. Fast forward a few years later I was in another job and she sent a nice email asking for resources she needed for her own onterview she knew I had. I blocked her.

The first sentence of this is the question you need to ask yourself.
I'd donate £10, I know that donation wont be the deciding amount regarding whether the child gets to go abroad for her treatment or not but it would definitely 'ease my soul' more than taking the high road. She wronged you and you are completely entitled to ignore her request but the fact that you have asked this question suggests that you don't feel quite right about not donating.
She is obviously cheeky but I don't think any parent wouldn't be cheeky if they were so desperate.
Is it a Just Giving page? If so, I'd donate the £10, with your name underneath and then send all of the emails to spam.

If you feel like it, donate to someone else. Lots of people can do with help.