To stay in the UK or move to Oz

[Unsure05]

DH and I are so on the fence here so we need some random strangers on the internets opinions please 😅 we have to DD (nearly 3 and 12 weeks old) and we have an opportunity to move to Australia. I have family in Melbourne and have been a few times and known from a young age I’d love to travel round or experience living there. DH has never been but has always wanted to visit and would be happy to move and try it if that’s what we decide. His job is on the skilled occupation list but until we go further with the migration agent we’ve chatted to we won’t know what are of Australia we could potentially move to but we don’t really mind either way.

Our issue here is that we just can’t get over the guilt of leaving our families here. Mine and DH parents are here and my sister and her DD. We see the grandparents every few weeks and our daughter loves her cousin. We just have never felt settled in the UK and know we would love the Aussie way of life. Plus with everything just going downhill in the UK it’s not getting much better and we aren’t bothered about staying, it would only be for family. But that’s a big thing! Financially we only really have this big move in us or buy a house here. Also need to add that the last time my mum went to visit her sister in Oz she said it would maybe be one of the last times she could do the trip with how long and gruelling it can be. My dad would probably not be able to do it and my DHs dad would defiantly not as he’s not very well so it would be down to us to come see them and it’s so expensive so we would hardly see them I think! I’m just so torn! What would you guys do?

If you have close family in the UK I wouldn’t. We are in the midlands and door to door it was over 30 hour trip with 10 hour time difference, the kids really struggled. Similarly my parents who are in their late 60s/ early 70s have said that they won’t be able to do it for too much longer and offered to pay for us to fly over there instead. All your annual leave will be eaten up by meeting up with family…. It’s not worth it

We did this op. We had dd who was 12 months at the time, no family out there, a few acquaintances were there but that was it, neither dh or myself had ever been there either!
We went over on sponsored migration and we ended up staying for over 5 years. We sold up and bought a house over there, but the pull of family was too much, had both my parents, dh parents and both had siblings over here. We loved life over there, but missed home and family too much. It crippled us financially coming back as we sold at the wrong time and we didn't have enough time to plan to move back, it all happened very fast (extenuating circumstances).
Anyway, I don't regret that we went, we had a great life out there but I also don't regret that we moved back.

We are in this dilemma right now. My visa is up in November so there’s a time limit, but there are things going on here (mostly financial ties) that would make a move very difficult. And the thought of leaving our families is so so hard!
Having lived there I know what an amazing lifestyle it is and I’m desperate to give my DC that opportunity. We had decided to stay and have another baby but that doesn’t seem to be happening for us so my thoughts are turning towards it more and more.
Ultimately only you can decide if it’s worth it. But I will tell you that I’m sure you would, on balance, have a better quality of life there. But missing family would be awful 🤷🏻‍♀️

As an aussie, things are going downhill in Australia too. Cost of living, interest rates, groceries etc.. I think without much family support over here, the grass will not be greener. Especially once kids in school and aging family back in UK.

I wouldn’t move away from your family with your kids that age. We lived in Melbourne 1 year and loved it (in our 20s), but decided it wasn’t long term for us due to distance from family

Thanks guys I feel like I know just how much we would love the life over there but the family pull would really hurt. Just don’t want to regret not making the move either as the UK is just getting harder to live in in our opinion it’s so hard

I wouldn't go. We went and settled for 6 years, but once my parents couldn't make the journey any more and the realisation of how far and how different Oz is we made the decision to move back before the kids got too use to it. It's expensive and we were getting home sick- the kids were little and I felt guilty about my parents/ siblings. Best thing we did. I kniw you have experience but please don't listen to oeople who haven't been and done because people still say to us now why did you move back? Like we're stupid,but I explain whilst it's a beautiful country and hot with beaches you still have to go to work/ pay bills etc it's a very insular country,still sexist and racist in parts and you will still be a foreigner/ immigrant.

Don’t do it! We moved to Aus from the U.K. 15 years ago and love it there. However our family are in the U.K. and hence we have had 15 years of feeling torn between the two countries. Aus has a lovely way of life that’s for sure but as your parents age you will regret feeling torn between the way of life and the ties of your family.
We’re currently back in the U.K. and this has made it no easier. Once you have lived overseas it’s so hard to settle on one country. Save yourself the heartbreak and hassle, find somewhere you love in the U.K. and settle there.

Don’t underestimate family is my view

That journey gets harder

Can you say what is it you're attracted to? Can you do that here (ie move near the coast? Do more outdoor activities?)

You say you don't mind where you move in oz.... but in Perth you would be SO isolated and too hot most of the day to actually be outside. Melbourne/tassie more likely to have outdoors activities.

Food is expensive there, housing expensive.. People think they'll upsize but that's often not the case now.

Sports etc can be done here- many people have an active outdoorsy life here just change how you live here (just as many people in Oz don't- people move across and think they'll suddenly become sporty...!)

Everything in oz is a flight away whereas in the UK you can drive to the next city. Maybe make the most of what we do have here. Or move to a more rural location/more city location if its the change you're after.

You are correct - you would hardly see them. You would use up your entire holiday entitlement and a shed-load of money to visit them with the added stress of two tiny people on a 24 hour flight - and it would be once a year if that - could you cope with that?
Life isn't that different in Oz. Yes it gets warmer than here - oppressively so - but its not the cheap option it used to be. Even in 2005 when we lived there groceries were incredibly expensive and house prices were only reasonable way out from where we wanted to live (north shore Sydney) I enjoyed the lifestyle we had - but then I didn't have children when I lived there - and we aren't beach people - so it wasn't that different from being in the UK.
There are hundreds of threads on this - give them all a read through.

Yep I think it's really important to say what you mean by "the lifestyle" as it may not match reality at all!

I'd do it. It does not have to be for eer and you can always come back. Go for 2 years and then reassess.

But I speak as a New Zealander who lives in the UK with all my family in NZ.

Pros- it's an adventure. It will broaden your horizons and why gie up the chance of trying something new?

Cons- yes it is very very far. But if you go for a short period it will fly by.

@Savvy25 That’s a fair point! My partner would get paid a lot more for what he does over there though but would it not matter?

We are moving to Australia at the end of this year and it can’t come soon enough. Of the Many factors we have considered access to decent healthcare is up there - I genuinely fear getting ill in this country (insurance so cost element but we can absorb that). I’m not looking at it through rose tinted glasses but comparatively we will be so much better off than here - it is cleaner, less crowded and whilst it is expensive the quality of food is so much better IMO and I think our kids will have a much better life. I just look at this Government and despair, and I don’t fancy Starmer much either. Pollution being pumped into our rivers and seas, creaking infrastructure and health service - constant negativity and nothing works (trains etc)

id go - you could always come back!

What would the salary be op? People can advise if it’s a comfortable amount

What are you looking for when you say lifestyle

Would this be a permanent move OP, or could you agree to do it/try it for a fixed time? Your DC are a good age to live abroad for a bit, if it's something you've always wanted to do/know you'll probably regret not doing. As your DH has never even been to Australia it's probably unrealistic to head over there with the idea of it being forever - he might not like it - or you might not. It's very different living somewhere vs. being on holiday and the grass is rarely greener - generally it's a case of some things are better, while others are worse.

As for your parents/families, yes it is a long trip, but there are ways to break it up and make it more manageable. If you said 'We're going for five years' do you think your DPs would share the burden of travel and take the opportunity to explore the region a bit so you don't have to drag two small DC back and forth on a regular basis?

More often than not, we regret the things we don't do and if you ultimately don't like it or miss your families too much you can come back.

May I ask what the 'Aussie way of life' is/means please? I ask as a Brit abroad for the last five weeks experiencing many Australians

So lifestyle-wise we mean the ocean, beaches, outdoors active lifestyle. We are so much happier and do so much more when it’s sunnier here. My DH is from the Seychelles and we lived there for 6 months and loved it being hot and sunny and easy to be outdoors all the time but there was very little more to do and wanted to be somewhere more like the UK for school and healthcare quality so we came back. This was just with one small child. And we haven’t felt settled here since as half the time we’re wanting to do things we can’t always do here. We love summer festivals and markets and bbqs with friends etc. but is all that worth leaving family?

We just have never felt settled in the UK and know we would love the Aussie way of life.

What do you mean by “never settled”? You have a lot a close family so I’m guessing the UK is either your home country or you have lived here most of your life.
If the UK is your home country then I would gently suggest that you not settling is not due to geography. You will always be trying to peer over the brow of the hill or around the bend in the road, wherever you are.
If you are already a migrant and can’t settle, what are you reasons for thinking that you will settle in a third country? Is a return to your home country a possibility? Or a third country in Europe?

What is the “Aussie way of life” that you can’t get here? Weather? Work/life balance? Sports? Is there anything you can do you change your lifestyle here to a one you would love more? (Not much you can do about the weather). Would you prefer to live closer to beaches or the national parks? Could you prioritise some breaks in the sun or look into moving to Southern Europe so you are only a few hours flight away?

Also the work/life balance I believe to be a lot more fair over there too

I guess it depends what he does and where exactly you would have to base yourselves (ie. inner city or outer suburbs).

Something else to think about. Do you currently own your home? Would you be selling it to move over here or renting it out to somebody? If you do sell a property to move here, will you be able to get your foot back onto the property ladder back in the UK if you do move back?

Would you also plan to work over here or would you be at home with the children? If you are planning to live off the one income and potentially in another city than Melbourne, are you prepared to be 100% alone with no help from family close by? For example, Sydney to Melbourne is around 9 solid hours of driving.

Have a look at the Aussie board, there's a few threads there that might help sway you one way or the other.

I did the reverse, moved from the UK to Australia to be back with family. I don't regret it at all, because I would have been living in poverty in the UK, but am earning well here. But Australia is not without its problems. Electricity is going up another 25%, good prices have always been expensive but now even more so. Rent is through the roof.

Do your homework properly before you take the plunge.

Hi OP. I’d do it. I have a 2 year old and I absolutely get what you say about having more fun in the warmer weather with a small child. I’m dreading this winter.

With the family issue, I live in the south of UK and my family lives in the north. So i go a while without seeing them anyway. I have to say that also, if when i’m older and my son is grown up, I definitely wouldn’t want him to miss out on this opportunity just for the sake of staying nearer me. I’d want him to live his life.

My opinion. I’m an Aussie lady 60’s. I have had a few friend emigrate from UK. All good, they are young and can travel. Parents are usually middle aged, and ok to travel.
the problems come later as parents age, and the ones in aus feel so isolated and unable to help.