To stay in the UK or move to Oz

[Unsure05]

DH and I are so on the fence here so we need some random strangers on the internets opinions please 😅 we have to DD (nearly 3 and 12 weeks old) and we have an opportunity to move to Australia. I have family in Melbourne and have been a few times and known from a young age I’d love to travel round or experience living there. DH has never been but has always wanted to visit and would be happy to move and try it if that’s what we decide. His job is on the skilled occupation list but until we go further with the migration agent we’ve chatted to we won’t know what are of Australia we could potentially move to but we don’t really mind either way.

Our issue here is that we just can’t get over the guilt of leaving our families here. Mine and DH parents are here and my sister and her DD. We see the grandparents every few weeks and our daughter loves her cousin. We just have never felt settled in the UK and know we would love the Aussie way of life. Plus with everything just going downhill in the UK it’s not getting much better and we aren’t bothered about staying, it would only be for family. But that’s a big thing! Financially we only really have this big move in us or buy a house here. Also need to add that the last time my mum went to visit her sister in Oz she said it would maybe be one of the last times she could do the trip with how long and gruelling it can be. My dad would probably not be able to do it and my DHs dad would defiantly not as he’s not very well so it would be down to us to come see them and it’s so expensive so we would hardly see them I think! I’m just so torn! What would you guys do?

[mbosnz]

I'm a Kiwi, and if someone called me 'mate' when we were having a bit of a barney, then yes, I'd be telling them loud and clear, that I'm not their mate.

In fact, my father had a habit of calling people 'my friend' when he was talking down to them, did it to me once too often, and I said to him, 'I might be your daughter, but I'm sure as hell not your friend right now'. Never did it again, as I recall.

Whether you're moving to the UK from Aussie or NZ, or to Aussie or NZ from the UK, the time and the cost of going back is not to be dismissed or minimised. And after Covid, I will never again take it for granted that when I need to go back, I'll be able to go back.

[LotsOfBalloons]

This is a huge factor. We can't afford to all go over now so will just send husband. So grandkids won't have Seen grandparents in about 8 years. It's really sad but we just can't afford 4 tickets, plus internal flight etc

[OrderOfTheKookaburra]

OMG yes, the complacency of thinking you can fly back whenever you want died with Covid. I was so grateful to be in the same country as my family as we had returned about 6 months before covid.

Even being in a different state I was lucky with timings because we had our second lockdown in Melbourne a week after my father's funeral. I was so lucky to be able to see him before he died and to be there for the funeral. Even without COVID I doubt I would have made it back in time to say goodbye to him before he passed away. Since then I thought "screw it" and have moved back to be closer to my mum, to make the most of her time left (she has a chronic illness) and to give my DSs some memories with her.

Don't underestimate the importance of that. After nearly 2 decades in the UK I am glad to be back in Australia and living near my family.

[EmmaGrundyForPM]

@OrderOfTheKookaburra one of the saddest things I've had to do is hold my phone to my dying dad's ear so that my sister in Melbourne could say goodbye to him. There was no way she could get a flight to the UK and get here in time, although she did get to the funeral.

Dad's funeral nearly 5 years ago was the last time I saw her. She was planning to come over in 2021 but of course that didn't happen. And now her dc are doing important exams so they're not coming this summer. We don't have the money to go there as dh's parents are in the States and in their 90s so we have to go there instead.

I really miss my sister and my nieces, video calls aren't the same.

[OrderOfTheKookaburra]

And the timing of long holidays is crap. The long summer school holiday falls in the other country's winter. Bleugh.... I got so fed up with 3 winters in a row, losing my summer holiday to travel to see family in their winter.

[BuildingAShepherdsHut]

@OrderOfTheKookaburra

OMG yes, the complacency of thinking you can fly back whenever you want died with Covid. I was so grateful to be in the same country as my family as we had returned about 6 months before covid.

Even being in a different state I was lucky with timings because we had our second lockdown in Melbourne a week after my father's funeral. I was so lucky to be able to see him before he died and to be there for the funeral. Even without COVID I doubt I would have made it back in time to say goodbye to him before he passed away. Since then I thought "screw it" and have moved back to be closer to my mum, to make the most of her time left (she has a chronic illness) and to give my DSs some memories with her.

Don't underestimate the importance of that. After nearly 2 decades in the UK I am glad to be back in Australia and living near my family.

yes I agree with this. I live in the UK and family outside of Melbourne. We always said that getting to and from in an emergency was just '36 hours, door to door'.

Covid put paid to that. We saw my family in Oz in early 2019 and then saw them again a month ago. In the meantime my older child with ASD developed a fairly serious plane phobia so is not flying anywhere and so my parents heading towards their 80s with a number of chronic illnesses including cancer travelled to us.

Not ideal.

Very very difficult. I had a number oif wobbles duringcovid thinking I will never see them again.

Parents are aiming to come again July 2024. We are aiming for a Christmas 24/25 trip and I am putting in some shorter plane trips in order to see if we can overcome the plane phobia for DS. A trip to Jersey (40 mins from Southampton is on the cars) then building up. Alhtough building up from 40 mins to 24 hours in 18 months is going to be a heck of an ask.

[Codlingmoths]

@OrderOfTheKookaburra

And the timing of long holidays is crap. The long summer school holiday falls in the other country's winter. Bleugh.... I got so fed up with 3 winters in a row, losing my summer holiday to travel to see family in their winter.

If you’re in oz you don’t get fined for taking kids out of school though! We are at the beach now because bil lives there but they are in uk/Europe with their dc for a couple of months.

[EmmaGrundyForPM]

Not taking your dc out of school isn't just about being fined. My sister won't come over this summer because one of her daughters is in Y12 and doing her school certificate (not sure what it's called) this year. My niece can't just miss a few weeks of school in her final year

[LotsOfBalloons]

Yep- it's not like pulling them out of school for a long weekend is it? It's a full on trek of several weeks.

We wouldn't take our kids out of secondary for multiple weeks regardless of "fines".

[Codlingmoths]

Well obviously vce is different. I’d take them out of school any year before year 10 to be honest, if it’s high school we’d ask the teacher about work and make sure they do some. We take them out of school for a week a year so far but would do longer to get to Europe, happens a lot.

[cassiatwenty]

Oz has a very very different vibe to the UK tho

[Bookridden]

In what way would you say the vibe is different?

[Made4Sunshine]

One thing that stood out for me is the seemingly acceptable casual racism, swearing and insults in what in the UK would be completely not on.

[Ozgirl75]

It’s interesting you say that @Made4Sunshine - we’ve just moved from Aus to the U.K. and both my sons have commented how everyone swears so much more over here (at school) and uses things like “that’s gay” as an insult which would
never be done in their old school. My older son has also said how unaccepting people have been towards him, he’s found it really hard to make friends whereas he said at his old school people always welcomed new people. Possibly because in a city there are new people arriving all the time.
It probably depends where you live - we came from a nice part of Sydney where no one would use racial slurs as it was a very multicultural area.
Anyway, my point is, there isn’t a “vibe” that can be applied to a whole country.

[Tourmalines]

@Ozgirl75

It’s interesting you say that @Made4Sunshine - we’ve just moved from Aus to the U.K. and both my sons have commented how everyone swears so much more over here (at school) and uses things like “that’s gay” as an insult which would
never be done in their old school. My older son has also said how unaccepting people have been towards him, he’s found it really hard to make friends whereas he said at his old school people always welcomed new people. Possibly because in a city there are new people arriving all the time.
It probably depends where you live - we came from a nice part of Sydney where no one would use racial slurs as it was a very multicultural area.
Anyway, my point is, there isn’t a “vibe” that can be applied to a whole country.

True , I’ve lived in Melbourne many many years , it’s multi cultural and I’ve never come across all this so called racism, swearing, or whatever else . What ever there may be, would be the same anyway where else in the world no doubt .

[Greycloudlooming]

@Tourmalines

True , I’ve lived in Melbourne many many years , it’s multi cultural and I’ve never come across all this so called racism, swearing, or whatever else . What ever there may be, would be the same anyway where else in the world no doubt .

Same experience as you and PP. I also find I hear more swearing and insults in the UK than in Aus. The places I’ve lived in Australia, a lot of the people were so anti swearing! I’m England I found a lot of the women would say things like “I’m educated and I say fuck”. Okay…