To stay in the UK or move to Oz

[Unsure05]

DH and I are so on the fence here so we need some random strangers on the internets opinions please 😅 we have to DD (nearly 3 and 12 weeks old) and we have an opportunity to move to Australia. I have family in Melbourne and have been a few times and known from a young age I’d love to travel round or experience living there. DH has never been but has always wanted to visit and would be happy to move and try it if that’s what we decide. His job is on the skilled occupation list but until we go further with the migration agent we’ve chatted to we won’t know what are of Australia we could potentially move to but we don’t really mind either way.

Our issue here is that we just can’t get over the guilt of leaving our families here. Mine and DH parents are here and my sister and her DD. We see the grandparents every few weeks and our daughter loves her cousin. We just have never felt settled in the UK and know we would love the Aussie way of life. Plus with everything just going downhill in the UK it’s not getting much better and we aren’t bothered about staying, it would only be for family. But that’s a big thing! Financially we only really have this big move in us or buy a house here. Also need to add that the last time my mum went to visit her sister in Oz she said it would maybe be one of the last times she could do the trip with how long and gruelling it can be. My dad would probably not be able to do it and my DHs dad would defiantly not as he’s not very well so it would be down to us to come see them and it’s so expensive so we would hardly see them I think! I’m just so torn! What would you guys do?

The “way of life” is an interesting and tricky concept. Having now lived in both, in lots of ways it’s way easier to live in Aus. The access to beaches and countryside etc is fab and although people say how hot it is, it’s not too bad for most of the year. We lived in Sydney and it was only really hot from Jan- mar really and it’s not roasting ALL that time, and there are so many outdoors water things to do that it’s fine.
Having said that, the U.K. is awesome for outdoor things - the woods etc are so lovely, safe and beautiful and normally pretty accessible.
Personally I don’t love the beach anyway, but I love walking in the U.K. woods with no fear of snakes, mozzies and spiders.
The main thing I’ve noticed about the U.K. is how busy it is, especially on the roads. We drove from the south to the midlands yesterday and it’s only about 170 miles but took us 4 hours! You’d get double the distance in Aus and as soon as you’re out of the cities the roads are pretty quiet. Even in the summer holidays nowhere is heaving (apart from the Gold Coast theme parks).

I also love places like castles and stately homes, I adore London and all the stuff going on there and the access to Europe too. In Aus, although it’s easy to holiday within Australia, it’s kind of samey. So you go to far North Queensland and the scenery is amazing and the weather is lovely but there’s still a Cole’s and similar food and language, you don’t get the fun of going to a new country with different food, history, buildings etc unless you’re prepared to travel a LONG way.

If you want warmer weather and outdoors lifestyle could you consider Portugal or southern Spain, even temporarily? I think Portugal are quite keen on people moving there.

DH's parents emigrated to Aus, and New Zealand (twice!) when he was a DC. It was the pull of the family that got them back each time. They found the moves very isolating.

Also check on your DC's rights over there. As I understand it, you couldn't decide to give up and come home with the kids, for example, if their dad didn't agree, because Australia will be the DC's usual residence. You both have to be fully on board with staying or moving back.

I’m not sure portugal or southern Spain has a wealth of job opportunities.

The don't and as a UK passport holder you need to get sponsored to get a work visa. If you want warmth and beaches I don't think there is an easier place to move to as a Brit than Australia.

I never understand when people are close to their families and see them frequently that they imagine having a better quality of life somewhere else. I’ve moved frequently with my husbands job and envy people whose cousins play together and can spend birthdays and Christmas together. If you want a better work/life balance can you at least consider moving to costal Wales/Scotland first for a year or two. Downsize, reduce your outgoings and spend times outdoors - don’t underestimate areas of Australia where it is TOO HOT to be outdoors in summer. With rising costs and house prices in Australia a significant increase in salary is cancelled out with rent/mortgage and additional child care costs.
People emigrate and still feel unsettled, not to mention lonely.
Plan more adventures or consider a UK move or start saving for a 6th sabbatical/career break when your children are older, but please don’t underestimate how cripplingly lonely life in another country can be away from everyone you love and everything familiar and easy.

If you like the sun and the surf....Melbourne may not be for you. I'm sitting here in a poorly insulated house and it is about 11 degrees outside. Having said that, the "best of both worlds" deal is, in my view, Melbourne. Excellent museums, lots of cultural things, and beaches that are good 4-8 months of the year, depending on your cold tolerance, good lifestyle.

This, BTW, is bullshit: you don’t get the fun of going to a new country with different food, history, buildings etc unless you’re prepared to travel a LONG way. unless you don't think of New Zealand as having a unique culture, or New Caledonia, or (if you live in Perth) Singapore. It is further than France, for sure, but so is your nearest major city in Australia. The distances here are BIG.

This is something DH and I think about a lot. DH is originally from Sydney and whilst he loves and misses his family, he doesn't talk to them a lot - I have to remind him about doing a video call etc. Whereas I talk to my family all day every day, and even though we are scattered a bit over the country now, we are only a few hours away from each other and see each other often.

We love NSW, love the culture, the people, the beaches and mountains, the humor. But I worry that we would be limiting DDs opportunities, it seems many young are off to Europe like a shot.

Its also weird to have no historical connection to a country's culture. You dont know who their celebrities are, the tv shows, the famous faces. Without realising it in the UK, you have grown up being shaped by certain faces, events, tv. Its hard for all of that to feel alien.

We just have never felt settled in the UK and know we would love the Aussie way of life

Well, your husband has never been there and can't possibly have any real idea whether he would 'love the Aussie way of life' (the Seychelles is really not any kind of comparison), and you've only been to Melbourne on holidays.

Honestly, and I say this as someone who's lived in five different countries on several continents longterm, you don't sound as if you've really thought this through. Genuinely, I would not move to the other side of the world with someone who hadn't already spent some time in that country, especially if you're depending on his job in order to be able to get a visa there.

I'd never move to australia. Remote, hot, insular, racist, impossible to travel to without feeling like death for a week.. It is literally the other side of the world. Life is short...enjoy who you're with. Not the few perks of where you are.

Don’t underestimate how hard it is when parents become too old to fly. If that coincides with illness l, redundancy or financial issues on the Australian side so you can’t fly either, you won’t be seeing family for a long time.

We lived in Sydney for about 9 years, but really the lifestyle wasn't enough to keep us there once the shine wore off. We had visions of spending our lives on the beach, out and about, living the outdoors lifestyle, but the reality was that for much of the year it was just too hot and/or humid to be pleasant. Work, housework, food shopping, the normal mundane reality of life is no different. I wasn't homesick for family (not particularly close), but I had underestimated how the feeling of not really belonging would make me feel. I found it very difficult to make friends - sure everyone was friendly, but we were kept at arms length and deeper friendships never happened. I had nothing in common with people, no shared history or sense of place.

We moved back to a different part of the Uk than we had moved from, and found ourselves in a much happier place. Sadly, two international moves (there and back) placed a huge amount of strain on our previously rock solid marriage, and we separated within a year of being back in the uk. It's all fine now, happily divorced and co-parenting well, but don't underestimate how stressful moving halfway across the world is, particularly if you're leaving family behind. I never really had the pull of family, but imagine it would have been 100 times worse if I had.

Can you try it for a couple of years, but leave the door open to come back to the UK? Having lived abroad for 6 years (not Oz) I loved it. I didn't feel the need to see family all the time, we built a new where we were with friends and other activities.

I always love posts like this. The irony of referring to somewhere as racist whilst engaging in a bunch of crappy stereotypes. Does Australia have problems with racism? Absolutely. My experience of the UK, though, in particular England, is that it is FAR more insular than Melbourne...and my predominant experience is in London. Not an Aussie, BTW, so not a knee-jerk defence.

Such a challenging decision. There are always pros and cons. I also find Australia very far away from everything but its beautiful with a mellow way of life.

Heavens. Now there is a whole array of sweeping statements.

Everyone I know who moved there has come back…
Mostly due to cost. And this was before the insane rental crisis that seems to be ongoing at the moment. Even on significantly more than they earn in the U.K. housing costs just decimated it.

I'd go for it and not look back

whatever you do, do not listen to this ignorant poster! Thank you for proving a laugh though with your 'anti-Australia bingo' .. but you missed killer reptiles I'm afraid

It isn’t “bullshit” in the slightest. New Zealand and New Caledonia, lovely, but from the U.K. you have a dozens of countries within a couple of hours flight all with different languages, cultures, history and food. Since we’ve been back in the U.K. we’ve been to Spain, France, Belgium, Holland, Romania and Hungary and the travel to those places was quicker than driving from Sydney to Byron Bay.
There are lots of lovely places in Australia, that’s for sure, but for ease of travel to a variety of places, the U.K. is amazing.

Yes this is one reason why I am not keen to move back to NZ. Just being able to jump on a train and go to France. Amazing. Fly 90 minutes and be in Vienna for Christmas!

Mind you- we hardly ever do those things. We really need to do it mroe often because my ageing parents will most likely need us to return at some point.

We had this dilemma 8 years ago but took the leap and moved to Australia. Zero regrets. When family come to visit, we spend quality time with them rather than fleeting visits everyone used to take for granted.
Our children were 6, 9 and 10 when we moved over and they would hate to move back to England despite being reluctant to move here in the first place.
Every situation is different so only you can know if you’re able to leave your relatives behind. For me, it was weighing up a choice of family or our children’s futures (as undoubtedly Aus offers so many more opportunities for children and young people). All of the family who have come to visit us all say they can see why we’re here and as much as they’d love us in England, they know our life here couldn’t be matched there.
It is a tough choice.

That is so interesting. In England we both worked full time to make ends meet but here we thrived on one income for a few years and had surplus money each week to save for a house. I personally find Aus cheaper for most things.

Second @OrderOfTheKookaburra - come and look at the new Aussie board, and cost of living in particular.

I agree with all the negatives and positives here, but after 15 years in Sydney, I'd say it's hard to appreciate the positives.

We're in the top income bracket, and whilst it could be a lot worse for us, I still shop at aldi. We use mainly private healthcare, but that is exorbitant, and the waiting lists in public hospitals are ridiculous.

The mortgage rates are going up and up, petrol is ridiculous, and there are A LOT of people "doing it tough". The salaries were relatively high 15 years ago, but the cost of living has changed that completely.

Anyway, I'd only suggest coming over if you had family etc to reconnect with. If you're also close to your families, and would be leaving them behind, I just wouldn't.

Having said all of that. You could give it 2 years. Work out the costs of moving, and if after 2 years you think it was a mistake, go back. It takes the pressure off, and means you're much more careful with money.