Why are so many women afraid of going anywhere on their own?

[GeriKellmansUpdo]

That's the impression I get from many threads on MN anyway. Afraid of going out for a meal alone, going to a cafe alone, going to the movies alone, travelling alone, without a partner or friends. The reality is we are all going to be alone at some point in our lives.

If you are ND, this thread is not for you. Am talking only about NT women.

Very happy to visit restaurant, coffee bar or pub for a meal on my own. I always take my Kindle/have a newspaper and don’t want anyone talking to me. Sheer bliss, just a couple of hours on my own.

I have lived alone and travelled alone extensively for work and pleasure, including to pretty much every major conflict zone in recent history. Met other fascinating female travellers along the way, including some recently retired and widowed.

Women who curtail their own experiences are missing out on so much, but that’s their look out. No sympathy really. We will never be 100% safe but we only have one life and I plan to live mine fully.

Depends on the situation 🤷🏻‍♀️
If I was out somewhere, a fair distance from home and got hungry, then of course I’d go have something to eat in a cafe on my Todd. If I was close enough to home to grab my food to go and eat it at home I’d rather do that.
Would I plan to go out specifically for lunch in a cafe on my own? No.

I wouldn't either at night which is what she said. Having been attacked and Sa more than once I tend to protect myself

Women don't feel comfortable on their own in public spaces.
Women don't have the same entitlement to be alone in public.
It's an absolute disgrace.

I go to the gym, walks and the museum or art galleries alone. Other things I would only really enjoy with people.

That’s really terrible! I’ve misunderstood the thread, of course women have to worry about their safety (unfortunately 😡) and that can happen anytime day or night.

This is also my reason. Men feel the need to start random conversations.

I might as well go with people I actually know and like.

I get the train and bus home alone at night, though did have one experience where a stranger kept trying to talk to me then lurched to kiss me before he got off the train. I turned away so he got my forehead.

For many women I guess it’s that they just don’t have the time. I went to the theatre by myself yesterday & it was such a treat (birthday pressie from DH) - I loved every second! In fact the show was so fantastic that I have booked to go to a very similar one next year!
I also enjoy eating out alone, shopping, going to galleries etc. When I lived in London I spent loads of time in my own company. Miss living in the city & exploring.

What has being ND got to do with it? Why can't I respond because I'm ND? I do all those things on my own.

I have no idea, I’m currently having a spa break onmy own and going on a five day trip abroad in two weeks time. I couldn’t have chosen a better, funnier travelling companion and we like all the same things!

I disagree. I absolutely feel i have the same entitlement to be out in public and I don't feel unsafe.

The waiting outside a venue and not being able to go in alone, even when you are meeting is really maddening; I never understand that. Go inside, you won't melt!

I have a friend like this too. When I told her I always go out for my lunch break on my own at work she asked whether I was worried my colleagues would think I'm Billy no mates. I want some alone time sometimes, I do things by myself precisely because I want to please myself and not have to talk to anyone if I don't want to.

I think it's insecurity on her part. I can't imagine not doing things I want to do (alone) or having to wait around for other people purely because of what someone else may think.

@GeriKellmansUpdo

And don’t get me started with the women who won’t open the door. Bonkers.

never seen or heard of this. What? How does the door get open then?

That made me laugh! Lots of posts on MN about how it's perfectly normal not to open the front door if you don't know who rang the bell/knocked. Lots of hiding until the unknown person goes away. Just answer the door!!!

I was at a soft play with my eldest years ago. A friend rang me asking me what I was up to whilst I was there. I said what I was doing, she replied in utter disgust ‘ugh, on your own? Talk about billy no mates’ I replied I’m spending time with my child thank you very much. She doesn’t even go food shopping without asking a mate to join her which to me screams undiagnosed anxiety but that’s on her. I felt she was definitely projecting her feelings onto me

Same

That's good for you, I'm glad that there are women who feel perfectly safe out and about whenever and wherever- the aspiration as a society should be that every woman feels this way. I wouldn't be so dismissive of those that aren't though, I don't know any women in my friendship group or family who haven't recieved unwanted and sometimes aggressive attention by men when out alone in the dark. I'd still go out at night if I needed to but I'd definitely have my wits about me and try to avoid if there was another feasible option.

I don't think OP means ND people can't respond. More that she wasn't judging people who may feel unable to do stuff alone due to their neurodiversity. Badly worded though.

Yet every time I went alone Id have random men trying to hit on me, the last one sat at my table and wouldn't leave, so I don't bother any more.

Cheeky fecker. I would just say "Excuse me, I'm waiting for my husband".

I do lots on my own, go out to eat (early dinner), cinema (afternoons), travel solo. I meet lots of people that way. Lots I still have contact with.

Someone upthread said something like "I don't mean solo to Borneo of course."
I have a friend who does just that.

It's about getting out of your comfort zone. Small steps at a time.

I'd hate to be lying on my death bed saying "I wanted to travel the world but I had no-one to come with me."

Oh, and as for the woman who always needed a lift from her friends. I know someone like that. She was known as "The Drag Queen". LOL

Yes, that's what I meant, as I clarified in subsequent posts. I agree badly worded.

I've been single for over 15 years. Live alone. If I was only prepared to do things with other people, or wouldn't use public transport or go out/come home at night, I'd be a lonely recluse missing out on life. I'd rather go by myself to a show, travel abroad, have a coffee in a cafe or an exhibition than not do it at all. I genuinely don't care if people think I'm weird (or brave). I take reasonably safety precautions rather than not go at all.

In the heatwaves over the past few years I've taken myself to the local park with a picnic, a book and some wine until it cooled down. I never felt strange and there was often other women there on the own doing the same thing.

Also, even if you have plans with friends or family things go wrong. I recently sat happily in a pub by myself for well over an hour as my friends train was delayed. No one was staring, though even if they were I had a glass of fizz & a book/MN for company so a few pitying people were the last thing on my mind.

Yes occasionaly men can be creepy or over attentive but I'd rather deal with the occasional twat than let them stop me living my life.

Admittedly this all gets easier with age!

Okay, I'll tell you what it used to be like in the 70's 80's and 90's (and for a thousand years prior to that for all I know) shall I?

Any woman going into (for instance) a pub or restaurant on her own was automatically assumed to be a prostitute by everyone in there, because 'nice' women didn't go out on their own.

Any woman walking down the street on her own in the evening was either (a) assumed to be a prostitute touting for business, or was (b) fair game for assault and/or rape, and if that happened to her, well it was her own fault for being out on her own/wearing those clothes/being a prostitute.

There are still very many unpleasant people who still hold those repellent opinions about women who go out on their own.

What was your question again?

@blacksax yes but it’s 2023. Very few people hold those repellent views and I am more than capable of handling any who do.