Why are so many women afraid of going anywhere on their own?

[GeriKellmansUpdo]

That's the impression I get from many threads on MN anyway. Afraid of going out for a meal alone, going to a cafe alone, going to the movies alone, travelling alone, without a partner or friends. The reality is we are all going to be alone at some point in our lives.

If you are ND, this thread is not for you. Am talking only about NT women.

There will be a lot more that don't want to than somehow can't.

What's your agenda here? Why so determined to make out we're all weak and pathetic?

Afraid or would rather company? I’m married with a good set of friends but most wouldn’t be into eg rom coms like I am. I mostly go to the cinema on my own but it’s not the same as laughing with someone else. I went to a concert on my own recently for the first time and it definitely wasn’t the same

I nearly posted a thread recently about the positive side of doing things alone.

Last week I had two tickets to a gig, but I got bailed on last minute. So I went anyway, on my own. I had the best night I had had in ages.

I regularly go to the cinema and theatre alone, and occasionally for comedy shows and meals. This was the first music gig solo though. I love the freedom of doing exactly what I want, when it suits me. No trying to negotiate times and places with people that have very different schedules to mine.

I'm not billy no mates - yesterday I went for a meal and to a comedy gig with two other people. But there is something really liberating about doing what you want when you want. I highly recommend it.

People really do convince themselves that someone is taking notes and deciding they have no friends if they do something alone sometimes.
I was at a baby shower and a single friend was talking about a holiday she was going on (alone), que three (married) women piping up about how she's "very brave" and then finally one saying that she'd never holiday alone, she'd be embarrassed, she wouldn't even go shopping alone to a shopping centre.

It made me think of when I was in school and walking a shopping centre was a leisure activity, I'd have felt embarrassed if I was seen alone outside a shop because my friend was inside. Some people never grow out of that mentality.

You can actually get very good deals on the single seats that are left in between groups and wouldn't sell if you book you ticket on the day or sometimes the day before!

OP, I've been out for meals alone because of work trips. It is totally shit sat munching away on your own and the experience really brings it home to me how much of a social event eating is.

A quick coffee and a bun when I'm out and about however it fine.

Maybe people don't do these things alone because it's nicer to do it with someone else rather than fear?

I live alone and see quite enough of people when I'm at work. So everything else, I do alone. Occasionally a friend and I will go for a coffee or I'll go with one of my adult kids, but I walk the dog, go for meals (rarely because expensive), drive to places etc alone.

It's not always by choice, but otherwise I'd be indoors alone all the time. I don't let being single stop me doing what I want to do, is what it comes down to.

Yes, it's great! Top price seats for the price of the second lowest, usually, I've found. Often less than half the normal price. Result!

Of course it's nicer to do things with someone else. But people aren't always available. I would think that if you are desperate for time away from your DC you should take it.

No agenda here except I suspect the real reason is partners refuse to look after the DC on their own. Not necessarily that women are weak.

I’m quite scared of the dark and driving to new places. But I don’t mind eating alone.

I think you are right they worry about looking like billy no mates. But I think some people are more social minded and to them eating out is all about the chance to be with friends and less about the food. So no one to eat with, equals no friends, in their mind. I wouldn’t think this way myself of others eating alone, but others might?

At a guess I would say that younger people and extroverts would be like this.

I once ended up stopping to eat in a restaurant alone after meeting a friend for the afternoon. It was about 7pm ish and I was hungry. They sat me right in the middle of a fairly large fairly empty dining area.

While I was waiting for and eating my food the restaurant began filling up with couples. It was only when someone came in and went from table to table selling single red roses I realised it was Valentines Day.

Maybe people don't do these things alone because it's nicer to do it with someone else rather than fear?

While that may be true, in my opinion it's much much nicer to do these things alone than not do them at all.

I love eating alone or sitting in a pub/bar as I just read a lot!

I like doing things alone and have done a lot of it. But it's understandable that some women would be afraid.

Afraid is not the right word imo. I like my own company but there are certain things when I prefer company. I can go somewhere casual and eat on my own (when shopping etc) but I wouldn’t go into a restaurant in the evening and eat alone. I’ve seen a couple of ice skating shows on my own (because I really love ice skating and that would trump any feeling of loneliness) but I don’t go to the cinema or theatre alone. I would never go on holiday/travelling alone but I would go on one of those group type holidays where you don’t initially know each other.

I haven’t done it very often, but don’t see a problem with eating on your own, in cafe or restaurant. Just take a book or Kindle to read.

I'm on my own and don't go out for meals to cafes or restaurants or cinemas because I don't want to! I've never really enjoyed eating meals out tbh but will have coffee and cake if i want one. However I will happily cycle on my own for 50 miles along quiet roads or walk for several miles on my own.

This is one of the things I only come across on Mn. All the women of my generation that I know regularly do things alone, big and small (one friend is solo walking the Camino at the moment, another is on a six-week writing retreat in Italy), and of the older women I know, I would say only my mother, who is nudging 80 and a timid character, would have never done things alone. I'm completely baffled by the women who won't go to the cinema or to a café alone.

I agree with @itwasntmetho -- when it's not a matter of physical safety, it seems to be some form of crippling self-consciousness about looking conspicuously friendless.

In my experience, people aren't always afraid, they just don't want to.
On my days off, I go for a walk in a local forest straight after the school run. I've had a few women say to me something along the lines of "oh you're good going by yourself" and one added that she never does anything by herself because it's boring.

I think people who are a bit anxious socially are probably over-represented on a site like this. I don't think most woman would think twice about eg going to a cafe on their own.

I'm not afraid. Will happily walk anywhere and anytime alone.

I’m with you OP. I truly don’t understand it!

Me either

as a young adult it made me less risk aware my daughter also ND is MORE risk aware than I was at her age so a variety of opinions just like NT people

@GeriKellmansUpdo when I saw your thread title I was reminded of someone who said they didn't want to go to an academic conference on their own because she didn't want to be 'billy no mates' (her exact words) 😂 it was years ago and I remember thinking she was such a sad bastard.

Not wanting to do things alone is completely fine.

But I've lost track of the number of comments from others when they realise I did something on my own, along the lines of:

'oh, you're brave'
'I could never do that'
'I wish I had your confidence' (I'm really not especially confident)

I rarely get comments along the lines of 'i don't think I would enjoy that' or 'I would rather have company'.

I love my own company. I happily go out for a coffee or lunch on my own, will do trips out on my own, been on holiday alone.

I have three small DC and a dog. I bloody long to be alone, it is a special treat to myself!