Why are so many women afraid of going anywhere on their own?

[GeriKellmansUpdo]

That's the impression I get from many threads on MN anyway. Afraid of going out for a meal alone, going to a cafe alone, going to the movies alone, travelling alone, without a partner or friends. The reality is we are all going to be alone at some point in our lives.

If you are ND, this thread is not for you. Am talking only about NT women.

If you really don't want to, then that's fine, I guess. I just find it odd that women say they never get time away from DC because no family help and they can't go ANYWHERE without partners/husbands. It's a long time to be stuck at home until DC grow up.

@Tarantullah Said she wouldn’t like to travel on public transport late at night alone. A lot of people feel similarly , both men and women.

I have to travel abroad for work often and I love it, but I'm not going anywhere I would consider unsafe, although I don't speak the language so it can be hard to communicate. I have no issue sitting in a bar or having a meal on my own, it's complete bliss to me!

I think you’re conflating different issues.

Most women who say they don’t have much time to themselves when they have young children is due to childcare.

I don’t like travelling out of the UK alone, because I’m terrible with directions IN the UK but can atleast understand the language here.

I will go to a cafe etc and eat alone, probably not a restaurant of any evening. Just wouldn’t feel
comfortable.

I quite like my own company generally, I have hobbies I do both alone or with company.

I’m not fearful of being alone. There’s just some experiences I derive pleasure from in company, rather than alone.

Maybe it's because of attitudes like yours that mean women feel they can't do what they like without being challenged. Why are you questioning what these women are telling you. That's great that being followed hasn't stopped you- congratulations. It did stop the other poster and gave her pause, she's explained to uou. She's answered your op- why diminish her feelings and opinion just because it hasn't stopped you?

They have partners or spouses. that's childcare.

Single mums now.... they really have no childcare.

Your example of getting a break from kids but not wanting to go somewhere alone is not necessarily a case of being "afraid".
Craving time with your partner away from kids is different from wanting time alone.
We all enjoy different things.
Dining alone is a different experience from dining in company. If you don't enjoy eating solo why would you pay money to do so? I'm someone who absolutely loves being alone and have travelled alone and eaten alone. But if there was a choice I would choose the less expensive option of a nice takeaway at home over a restaurant meal alone. Doesn't mean I'm afraid.

I usually drive but no problems on public transport during the day, I used to travel extensively on buses, cheap coaches, trains, the underground, even flew quite a few places alone. Unless its something I really wanted to do though I wouldn't enjoy travelling on it alone at nighttime due to several negative experiences; I would if I had to though.

I will walk the mile home after a night out alone at around midnight. I take a coat though in the winter and think about what I’m wearing in the summer. I don’t drink too much if I’m walking alone.

Although some might heighten the risk (not the victims fault in any way, shape or form) those might reduce it but don't eliminate it. I don't mind walking locally in the dark but some places I've lived previously very much are no go's.

If you are ND, this thread is not for you. Am talking only about NT women

why???
I’m ND and I think this is an interesting topic, but apparently it’s not for me 🙄

You are claiming that women are routinely followed in Costa at 11 am in the morning? At 11 pm maybe.

I am talking about women who never go anywhere alone at any time of the day.

I've never heard this personally, its not the case with family and friends I know but I can imagine some are co-dependent to this level. There's a gulf between not enjoying/wanting to go out alone and never going out without a partner though. Most people have friends and go out with them!

I’m an introvert so love my own company and doing things alone. A lot of women I’ve met don’t like being away from their partners and are quite co-dependant. I guess everyone is different!

One of my colleagues is a very anxious person. It is not fear of attack but fear of the unknown! She would get lost. She relies on her husband driving her places. She does go to Westfield on her own but ask her to make a journey somewhere by tube and she would freeze up.

It is all very well relying on a husband or partner but what would you do if they weren't there suddenly for whatever reason?

When I used to commute by train , the number of women who would phone their partners to pick them up was astonishing! I get that some might live far from the station, maybe the buses were crap/non existent, partners were controlling and insisted they meet them when they come off the train, maybe some could not walk very far etc etc but not all of them!

The more you go out by yourself the more confident you will be!!

People used to look at me horrified when I told them I lived in Peckham and often used to walk home on my own. I now live in West London and get the same horrified looks. Where do these people live that there is no crime!!!

Many people on MN also don't have or don't want friends. Or their schedules don;t coincide with their friends. Which I get, because quite often mine don't as most of my friends work full time or have young children or elderly parents.

I agree, but my youngest is too young to be left in the house. So the choices are don’t go out, get a taxi or walk alone.
There’s some lovely bars a mile away so I’m just going to live my life…but carefully. I agree I should be able to get as drunk as I want and wear whatever I feel like, but I feel safer thinking about those things.

"Billy no mates" is a phrase I haven't thought or worried about since I was about 15. I can't understand this at all.

The friends I meet walk too but we are in different directions

Have you done a survey?

That's sad if that's the case. I think it's different to being afraid of going out though.

I am not an afraid but for me eating out is a treat to be enjoyed with friends. A chance for conversation and a step away from phones etc. You can’t do that alone.

I wouldn't mind sitting alone having a meal, but wouldn't choose to do it say on a weeknight because I had nothing else to do. If I am working away from home I will have room service and watch tv rather than go and eat in the hotel dining room because that would just be my preference. I wouldn't worry people would think I had no friends!

i think the safety/nuisance concern is about understanding that peoples experiences and settings are all different, and also valid.

Some women will live in a very safe area, have lots of knowledge of the surroundings, very familiar with the community etc. other women may be in an unfamiliar place, or have to pass undesirable areas to get to the public transport/cafe, where men are more brazen in their approaches.

I don’t think it’s too difficult to understand that there’s more than one version of the world that you currently live in and experience, and that other people have different preferences for how they choose to live their life.

In the instances you describe I don't think it's about fear or a constant onslaught of male attention. I think many women just wouldn't enjoy going for a meal in a restaurant without someone to chat to. They wouldn't see the point spending money on that. They would get a coffee and sandwich when out and about no problem, but why would they deliberately go out to a cafe if not to meet someone? And certainly while travelling most people find it more rewarding to share the experience with a partner or companion. Even though I must say going through an airport on my own is something I love, I would not enjoy an entire holiday alone. Most people are social and have more fun with some company.

Yes, afraid was the wrong word- sorry- and has confused the issue. Reluctant?