Why are so many women afraid of going anywhere on their own?

[GeriKellmansUpdo]

That's the impression I get from many threads on MN anyway. Afraid of going out for a meal alone, going to a cafe alone, going to the movies alone, travelling alone, without a partner or friends. The reality is we are all going to be alone at some point in our lives.

If you are ND, this thread is not for you. Am talking only about NT women.

I'm happy to travelling on public transport alone or walking alone (somewhat depending upon area).

Entirely happy to go to a pub or cafe alone, either while I wait for someone or entirely alone if I need some lunch or something.

I wouldn't go to the cinema alone but only because I don't really like the cinema and only tend to go with other people.

I think a huge amount of women who don't go out alone it is due to their husbands encouraging dependency for their own ends.

I am going away this weekend alone. I'll be spending the weekend walking, in the UK on a well signposted and well used path in daylight. Several people have told me they think this is unsafe for a woman to do alone and would never do this.
I understand we all view risk differently and lots of people just wouldn't enjoy walking alone, but I really don't get why people think this is so dangerous and advise me not to do it. The benefits I get from a weekend away from the stresses of daily life far outway any risk.

I think a huge amount of women who don't go out alone it is due to their husbands encouraging dependency for their own ends.

I am beginning to suspect this is the case.

I don't know anyone who won't go out alone or without their partner. But I do see a few pages I follow on fb of women who feel like they can't go alone or drive alone. They tend to be older women!
I'm a single parent and have no problem going out alone or travelling abroad with young children. It's very empowering 😀

f you are ND, this thread is not for you. Am talking only about NT women.

What are these

I don’t mind going to places by myself but it’s a bit boring after a while. I was
doing a course recently that meant I had to stay away overnight and I didn’t mind, but I prefer to have someone to chat to about the things I’ve seen and done that day, given the choice. I wouldn’t just choose to go away overnight alone for fun, I’d have more fun with someone.

I do quite like popping for a solo coffee after I’ve had my haircut though - find that very refreshing. And I run alone without a problem. I do feel like I need my wits about me more than when I’m with someone though, which is a shame.

You're confusing "don't want to" with "afraid to".

It's stupid. Stop it.

I’d do any of the things you’ve listed alone, and have done. I’ve flown half way round the world many times on my own and it doesn’t bother me. But I do understand why that wouldn’t be for some.

The pandemic was a good example of how different we all cope with being alone. The whole thing didn’t bother me at all. I wasn’t lonely. Didn’t feel particularly bothered. I just sat it out. Other people I know were climbing the walls with the need to interact.

Anyway, I digress… the thing that always baffles on MN is the number women too afraid to drive anywhere. The amount of threads with women not able to drive on a motorway or get themselves from A to B if they’ve never been that way before just staggers me! What do they think will happen?

Amd don’t get me started with the women who won’t open the door. Bonkers.

Amd don’t get me started with the women who won’t open the door. Bonkers.

never seen or heard of this. What? How does the door get open then?

No idea I encourage my husband and child to go to football or anywhere!! as much as possible so I can go off and do fun things deliberately without them alone totally by choice

Or they stay home

I love doing things alone, I remember watching a video many many years ago when I was wee that was about the difference between loneliness and being alone. It stuck with me so I make a point to take myself out to dinner occasionally or go on a mini break or even just lunch.

It's not for everyone though. A lot of people suffer with anxiety and the idea of sitting alone at a table feels very vulnerable. And to be honest some people just don't enjoy being alone, which I also think is fine. Different strokes.

I would like to know the answer to this - as I am like this! Definitely not to do with DH's attitude, he is always v supportive of me going out. Not afraid of being hit on or anything like that. I just don't feel comfortable, even in a nice cafe, on my own. I have done it, I just can't relax.

I think its to do with feeling like I'm being watched as I don't mind being in a cinema on my own. I do realise this is ridiculous. I also wouldn't like going to a pub on my own - but I wouldn't make a friend wait outside for me!

I also struggle with confidence regarding driving, especially on my own, to somewhere new. Maybe it's just low level anxiety? I don't know.

My teenage daughter (almost 18) is like this, although it might be a teenage girl thing. She has recently joined the local gym - won't go on her own, has to be with her brother. Never goes shopping on her own, always with a friend. Although she is going off to Uni this autumn without a friend so it's maybe just the little things.

OP many women on here can't take the bloody bin out on their own never mind travel a 300 miles on their own. Too many are without gumption.

My DD is also like this, but I think young girls like to go around in large groups anyway. And they all have lots of time for each other. As you get older, schedules fill up.

I don’t know any women like this at all. Though judging from the number of MNers who say they have anxiety, I dare say it’s not uncommon.

I am talking about women not going out for a meal in a cafe in the UK in broad daylight on their own

But why do you think we should want to do that? I wouldn't. Because if I want to spend time alone (which I do plenty of, and enjoy it), I would hardly sit in a cafe for a meal. It would be a waste of money. Meals out are about being sociable, spending time with someone else. It would be a waste of money for me to do alone.

The issue here is that you have taken lots of comments about women not wanting to do particular things on their own, and turning it into an idea that they are too wimpy or weak or daft to do those things alone. That's your issue, not theirs.
Your premise is not just flawed its idiotic.

I agree entirely.

The issue here is that you have taken lots of comments about women not wanting to do particular things on their own, and turning it into an idea that they are too wimpy or weak or daft to do those things alone. That's your issue, not theirs.
Your premise is not just flawed its idiotic.

Yes you’ve confused preference and fear.

But why do you think we should want to do that? I wouldn't. Because if I want to spend time alone (which I do plenty of, and enjoy it), I would hardly sit in a cafe for a meal. It would be a waste of money. Meals out are about being sociable, spending time with someone else. It would be a waste of money for me to do alone.

To take numerous threads, women who say they can't get a minute away from their very young DCs on their own. Even for a coffee. Because they have no friends available and wouldn't want to go without their DP. I feel like they would benefit from 30 minutes away from their screaming babies. I know I did.

I often go to cafes on my own, to write, read, and things like that. I wouldn't go on my own to stare at the walls as that would be boring, I'd rather not go and go with a friend.

All my friends aren't scared to travel on their own, most travel internationally alone, so I think the more you do it, the more you get used to it.

It's not about risk for me most of the time as I tend to go places in daylight and used to get harassed walking to the Tube so no difference if I sit in a cafe. but I think it's fine not to want to do things because it would feel a bit lonely. I have sat in restaurants in the evening alone as I need to work, but the couples do stare!

And other posters have confirmed that I haven't entirely confused preference and reluctance. Obviously MN is a vast church and there will be people who don't want to sit in a cafe on their own because they don't want to sit in a cafe on their own.

@Pootles34

I can sort of understand what you are saying. When I was jobless for quite a while and only had to step out the door once every two weeks (I think it was) to sign on, I did get a bit agrophobic.

Weirdly I was convinced everybody would be looking and talking about me (why???!!!). In the end I managed to talk to myself about it (in my head!!). Even if they were, had especially got up that morning to discuss ME, why should it bother me!!! I am fine now.

Yes but they don't WANT to use that 30 mins to sit and have a meal on their own (which is not possible in 30 mins anyway). They don't have to want to. It doesn't say anything at all about them as people.

I have travelled half way across the world on my own but I still prefer to have company for many things, things that are seen as social activities. It's called being a regular human being.,

But people like different things. Surely you can understand that? For you, an hour away from dc in a cafe on your own was enough to recharge you. For others, they’d feel uncomfortable sitting in a cafe on their own and would rather do something else.