Why are so many women afraid of going anywhere on their own?

[GeriKellmansUpdo]

That's the impression I get from many threads on MN anyway. Afraid of going out for a meal alone, going to a cafe alone, going to the movies alone, travelling alone, without a partner or friends. The reality is we are all going to be alone at some point in our lives.

If you are ND, this thread is not for you. Am talking only about NT women.

IME that’s the generation before those who are now mothers to young children.

My mum won’t go anywhere alone and is so dependent on my Dad, I find it frustrating. I know my Dad finds it frustrating too as he has plenty of hobbies he’d do happily alone.

That's great for you. I'm happy to go to the cinema on my own, and to some kinds of gigs.
But for me, like many people, it's much more fun to do these things with someone else. At a comedy gig, you gain enjoyment from laughing, but also from the people with you laughing. Catching your friend/partners eye as you get the joke and realise they get it too and its relevant to you because of a shared experience maybe. Going to a gig and dancing together and shouting "I love this song" and getting a me too back. Going out for a meal and talking throughout and getting to try two/three/six things off the menu instead of one.

You may find it liberating to do such things on your own. That's great. Others would find it quite dull to do on their one, because they feel like a large part of the fun is missing. That's fine too.

Most of us are more than able to do any of these things. Most of us do things alone. Not wanting to do what are, to most people, social activites alone is not weird or sad.

Yes, there are some people who have such anxiety or self conciousness or another issue that means they are unable to do these things. I don't think there are that many but this sneering at them is not helpful. In fact its fucking horrible.

In conclusion: the vast majority are perfectly able to do such things but may choose not to. Don't be a dick about their choices.
The small minority may not be able to do such things, and that's a real shame. Don't be a dick about their difficulties.

Not the same as such but when I hear people say to me 'oh I can't do that I would feel people are judging me' I want to ask 'why are you judging people when they are alone then'

I just figure people have their own thing going on without judging me

Well, that's certainly true. Threads about friendship are certainly skewed by posters who struggle with friendships, don't have any, or claim they don't have any by choice because they 'resent claims on their time' or friendships are 'too much drama'.

I do whatever/go wherever I want. Have only recently started travelling occasionally with my husband again, as I did years ago before we had kids. He’s usually stuck in business meetings while I have a couple of glorious days exploring new cities on my own. I then show him round afterwards 😃

I understand completely though that other people feel differently and wouldn’t question them about it. It’s their business, not mine.

I haven't been a dick about anyone's choices, thanks.

In fact, in my midst recent post I said 'not wanting to do something alone is fine'

I'm hoping you weren't aiming that comment at me, but it sure reads like that!

I notice this too. I often think it's unwise to become too dependent on your spouse because they may leave or die.

I am going away for 2 nights to visit my DD a 300+ mile round trip away. I shall be driving, staying in a hotel, eating in the off-site restaurant and going for walks across the downs all by myself and I can't wait. Almost all the comments I've received from colleagues (it's the Coronation weekend so the "what are your plans?" conversation came up), have been " Why is your DP not going"? " Ooooh I couldn't do that" " won't you feel silly eating alone?" TBH I can't wait.

I agree OP, I have a friend who barely drives on her own and is really reluctant to even get on a bus or a train alone. It makes meeting up an absolute nightmare. Even the idea of waiting for someone for 10 minutes in a coffee shop is an issue. She's always trying to swing it so we meet up near where she lives and someone can pick her up.

It's not a safety thing, just some kind of insecurity.

I'm very independent so I don't get it.

I don't kike eating out alone because it is more stressful. Last time I went out and ate alone, this happened.

I had barely startrd eating my dinner I got up and went to the bathroom. When i came back the waiter had removed my plate. Because he apparently thought I had left.

If you go out and eat alone, it's not easy to go to the bathroom. If someone had been with me, he would have told the waiter
I was gone to the bathroom.

They apologised and made me another dinner but i didnt enjoy it as it took them 30 mins to make me another one, and I had to get back to work. So I barely got a bite if the second one before i had to leave

I’ve been widowed for 31 years, so if I didn’t go to things alone I’d never get out of the house!
I like theatre and concerts, so regularly go alone, and as I live in a beautiful part of Scotland I often go for walks in forests, on beaches, or around hill lochs by myself.
I get the bus into central Edinburgh alone to meet friends or family for meals or days out, and have never felt anxious coming back on it late at night to where I leave my car in the suburbs to drive the 50 miles home. I go to my bridge club and table tennis club alone, and enjoy the company while I’m there.
I feel slightly uncomfortable dining alone in public, but have done it where necessary.
My DD2 travelled alone to Australia at 21, fixed up accommodation and jobs after she arrived, and spent a year travelling alone around Oz and SE Asia.
Autistic DD1 went off alone at 16 to a LARP camp a few hundred miles away, and had a great time. She said the “old” guys (in their forties!) helped put her tent up and drove her to the supermarket for food. Dressed as Vikings, wielding plastic axes…!
I think if one is confident but sensible, (and if like DD1 is krav maga trained!), there is no reason why a single woman cannot have a full life.

This is exactly what I mean. If you go anywhere alone, the comments are very odd.

If you are ND, this thread is not for you. Am talking only about NT women

Why would exclude ND women from your thread? Do you think neuro diverse women all suffer from anxiety/depression or something? Because NT people can and do suffer from those too. Plenty confident and social ND women out there.
Not to mention neurodiversity in women often goes undiagnosed and many are unaware they are ND until much later in life.

Single mums now.... they really have no childcare.

I'm a single mum and have always had plenty childcare.

You seem to have quite black and white thinking. Maybe you're one of the undiagnosed.

I've also had comments about how brave I am to travel anywhere alone. I find it baffling.

I've travelled alone to visit family and friends, for work, and for leisure. It's a completely normal thing to me so I find it surprising when anyone considers it worthy of comment.

I couldn't cope with being so restricted, it would make my life feel so much smaller.

it's much much nicer to do these things alone than not do them at all.

That's me. I was let down years ago by my sister. We were to travel to Italy, can't remember exact details. So for a few years, I missed out, and then one day decided I would try travelling alone, just a short, city break. I have never looked back.

I'm used to eating on my own and having coffee alone. I used to work in a role that required travel so that became second nature. I also go to the cinema regularly, get a nice coffee there and sit back. Bliss.

For some people it's force of habit. A former colleague, who had married her childhood sweetheart and had family together, told me with glee one day that she had gone for a cuppa on her own in a cafe for the first time in years. She is an extremely outgoing person but had just become used to always having someone with her, either her husband, her children or both.

Nobody cares that you're on your own. People are caught up in their own world and not even thinking about you, imo.

Sad that they are, but I'd say the behaviour of some men is a factor.

No, I don't. But some do.

Yes, I am happy with the generalisation that single mums have less support than those with partners. Thanks.

Maybe any of the following:

1. they've been conditioned by family of origin or by partners that they'll look like a saddo/billy no mates if they do.
2. worse they've been conditioned by family of origin or partners that they're trying to be on the pull if alone.
3. possibly money is tight and many feel that they can't justify spending money purely on themselves and need the justification of someone else's presence.
4. being with very young children all the time can be incredibly lonely, wanting to feel connected to another peer can become more important than being by yourself.

All these unspoken but frequently limiting obstacles for many people.

That seems rather extreme for an adult to not want to go on a train or bus alone. How on earth does she manage to navigate her day to day life?

I used to be a bit intimidated by doing things like dinner alone, but then I started traveling alone for work and now I love it, I see it as valuable downtime. Wait staff don't help sometimes, the number of times I've been treated like some poor unfortunate because I'm eating alone, or enjoying a glass of wine with a book would be enough to put some people off ever attempting it again (I don't complain at the occasional free dessert though!).

Not afraid of going alone - just don't see the pleasure in it as see most of those as activities to enjoy company while doing. I have had meals in restaurants alone loads of times (through necessity while travelling for work); and it is boring waiting between courses reading a book/magazine or phone, would be more comfortable on the sofa.

I’m not scared of going to those places alone I just wouldn’t want to as I see them as social places 🤷🏻‍♀️

Lots of people feel this way. I mentioned in another group that my son will be traveling to secondary school alone on the bus and lots of women told me I was unreasonable and even they were too scared to get the bus alone 😂

Which generation is that? I would say anyone born from the mid/late 1950s onwards should not be representative of a generation of woman solely relying on their husbands for company. They are the ones who were brought up in the liberated 60s and 70s and in the 80s working and being independent, buying their own properties and having careers. Anyone under 70 nowadays who can’t do anything without their husband is down to personality not generation.

I’ve never met anyone who is afraid of doing those things. How strange.