Why are so many women afraid of going anywhere on their own?

[GeriKellmansUpdo]

That's the impression I get from many threads on MN anyway. Afraid of going out for a meal alone, going to a cafe alone, going to the movies alone, travelling alone, without a partner or friends. The reality is we are all going to be alone at some point in our lives.

If you are ND, this thread is not for you. Am talking only about NT women.

Afraid or have no desire to due to loneliness?

Staying at home is lonely too, no? Help me understand.

I’m not afraid of doing any of those things, I’m just afraid of walking alone in certain places or being out at night alone. I’ve been indecently assaulted and the fear has never left me. I don’t feel scared or intimidated doing things on my own in busy places.

I'm not particularly afraid of going anywhere alone. I've travelled alone a few years back and frequently go to the cinema and cafes alone.

I think the news media have a lot to answer for this. VAWG in the U.K. outside the home has been on a downward trend for decades, with a few blips upwards before continuing down. The media constantly covers attacks on women and girls nowadays and I genuinely think that is creating fear amongst us that is disportionate to the level of danger we face.

I’m certainly afraid of travelling to certain parts of the world alone as a woman. Any woman who says she’d be absolutely fine going for a holiday alone in Iran is a fucking idiot.

The rest I’ll happily do but I understand that my experiences, particularly my experiences with men, are often very different from many women’s. If a woman says she’d uncomfortable doing something then I take her word for it.

People are different, I am flying from NZ to UK at the moment alone, but I have friends who would not dream of doing such a trip alone.

I am not talking about unsafe situations ( though I have happily travelled in India, Cambodia, Turkey etc on my own).

I am talking about women not going out for a meal in a cafe in the UK in broad daylight on their own.

“I’m certainly afraid of travelling to certain parts of the world alone as a woman.”

Yes, I agree where there is elevated risk, it is sensible to have a bit of fear.

And when I say afraid, they are afraid they will look like Billy no mates. Not afraid of being physically assaulted by the Costa server. I don't want this to be a TAAt but numerous threads by women going " I never get a break from my DC because where would I go without my DP".

Sometimes it’s experience. I spent a summer working in Europe when I was in my early 20s. I gave up on going for coffee alone because I was reliably interrupted by men of about 30 every 20 minutes or so and would have to be fairly rude before they would go away. And then I went for an early evening walk and was followed (I walked around a roundabout two and a half times to check that I wasn’t being paranoid!). That did curtail my willingness rather and took a while to recover from.

I'm not sure I'd voluntarily go out for a meal in a restaurant on my own, as I like to have someone to talk to (different if you're staying in a hotel alone, of course), but I'd have no problem going to the cinema, to a cafe, or any of your other examples.

Travelling alone I would do as a means to an end, but would prefer to be with someone for company ideally.

Yes, this has happened to me in numerous countries. I am not going to stop doing it though.

Not sure where you’re seeing this.

It’s just choice isn’t it. I grab lunch somewhere if I’m out but would prefer to pay to watch a film at home rather than go to the cinema alone.

Dinner out alone? Well, if I was hungry and not near home but I wouldn’t generally want to leave my house specifically to go to a restaurant to eat alone.

IRL and on numerous threads on MN. I wonder if it's because dads refuse to look after their DC on their own. Therefore all time together has to be sacred family time.

the thing is, you don’t know what an unsafe situation is until you are in it. I personally try my best not to think that the worst is going to happen, and try to live my life as freely as possible. I have no issue with being alone with my own company when it comes to going to museums, theatre shows, cafes etc. However, I know I’ve experienced being stopped in the street/cat called, having random men approach me when I’m sitting alone in a cafe/bar etc. it’s unpleasant. But I accept that I don’t want to be limited because of the behaviours of others.

I don’t blame anyone else for not wanting to do things that they don’t want to do.

Been on MN a long time and I have never seen:

" I never get a break from my DC because where would I go without my DP".

However I do have a very close friend who wouldn't do any of the things you mentioned, she has an anxiety diagnosis.

I know what you mean OP. I have friends who I'd have to wait outside of a bar or restaurant as they dont want to walk in alone.

My mum misses out on lots of things she wants to do as she won't go alone.

I don't get it, I hike a lot and recently a collwas shocked and surprised I went a did a certain hike alone without my husband. Dh works very hard and if I had to wait for him all the time I'd miss put on so much

just saw one this week. obviously I cant link to it.

I rarely do those things simply because I don't enjoy the experience. I don't need my oh with me but if I'm on my own I'd rather potter around at home than run the gauntlet of men's comments. Yes attacks might be on a downward trend but the amount of men who assume a lone woman is after a man is on the up

Maybe they just don't want to? If I'm traveling alone or whatever I'll happily go out for food etc on my own, if not though I don't bother. Why? Because paying over the odds for mediocre coffee or food, or sitting and watching a film without the social element isn't worth it for me. If I can sit in my house alone and make a brew and have some nice food I'd rather do that then sit on my own elsewhere and pay loads for the 'privilege'.

There are some things though that'd I'd be hesitant to do alone for other reasons, seeing a show alone I wouldn't mind for example, but if it meant then travelling home alone on public transport or walking when it's dark and late I wouldn't be as keen on.

I’d love to have time to myself but rarely get the opportunity. Although there is a big difference between solitude and loneliness.

You don't travel alone on public transport @Tarantullah?

I agree that it’s a great shame for the women in question and I do myself still do all these things alone when I want to (and get so much less hassle now I’m in my 40s…it’s unbelievable looking back how many random men thought that I owed them attention when I was in my 20s!). It doesn’t mean I can’t see why other people mightn’t struggle.

Thinking about this:
meal alone- would do but would feel a bit lonely and maybe even self conscious going to a cafe alone- happily do
going to the movies alone- have tried but it’s more fun with someone
travelling alone- have flown alone maybe 10 times but met people there

I will walk the mile home after a night out alone at around midnight. I take a coat though in the winter and think about what I’m wearing in the summer. I don’t drink too much if I’m walking alone.

I’ve lived alone for a total of 5 years of my life.