Autistic women assemble!

[Nepmarthiturn]

...only if and when you're not feeling antisocial and want the entire world to +%$¥ off, or course. 😉😆

A few of us were talking on another thread and thought it would be nice to have a support/ chat thread on here to share interests/ challenges/ parenting issues or whatever we feel like. A little community of autistic women on here that we can dip in and out of but will be supportive and friendly and people who actually get it.

Might also be a nice counterbalance to all of the horrific posts about autism that we find here so regularly!!

P.S. Have deliberately posted this in chat rather than in the ND Mumsnetters topic because it will hopefully reach more people who would like to join in. I didn't even realise that section existed for a long time and often miss threads there as they don't show in active and expect I'm not alone in that. However, in posting this here, we will be relying on the people with obnoxious and ignorant views about autism who so regularly post on Mumsnet, to demonstrate to us their allegedly superior empathy (ha!) and please just leave this thread alone: it's not for you. Many thanks!!

Sorry to pop on and merail but I'm really struggling today. I've got work that I need to do and my materials are so messy I'm completely overwhelmed by it and pretty much paralysed.
My husband has been out of the country for a month now and I've been alone with our sons (both adults, both also autistic) and it's been getting harder and harder and I'm just sitting here looking at the mess and thinking of the promise I made the customer re when the product would be ready and all I'm doing is posting on here and playing townscape.
It's embarrassing how much I rely on him and need his help in order to function!
I know what I need to do, I know how to do it - I'm just completely frozen and I just want to shove all the stuff onto the floor and crawl into bed.

Sympathising with all you guys struggling to leave the house- it’s going to be tough for me today too but one last big run before London- your kind words will push me on- it means a lot coming from others who know the same struggles.

I also moved house recently- it was tough and I struggled finding routines in the new house but it did feel like home quicker than I imagined- as soon as the cat came back from the cattery and I was here my my things, my husband and cat it felt like “ours”, so there is hope!

https://2023tcslondonmarathon.enthuse.com/pf/kimberley-francus

this is me if anyone did want to donate (0 pressure!)- I am running for Macmillan because they supported my lovely Mum through her cancer journey and also offered much needed counselling to my (probably autistic!) Dad who really struggled with it all. When I ran my first marathon she had just finished chemo and still came to cheer me on! She will be out in London next week at the Macmillan cheer point!

Also struggling to keep up with this thread. Due to DD being I'll at the start of the holidays my two big days out in London ended up being Friday and yesterday. Took DD ( who is likely also autistic) to see the Winnie the Pooh show but missed that is was in Hammersmith not west end when I booked, which combined with engineering works meant for a very stressful journey. She enjoyed it though and wasn't the oldest child there.
I'm definitely feeling peopled out now though.

Think it must be the day for struggling - I'm having a really tough one today too. I'm back to work tomorrow, and had big plans to make sure everything was tidy and clean in the house, that everything was ready for back to school... It hasn't happened. I've been in that awful right-on-the-edge-of-a-panic-attack state since I got up.

I did go to the tip this morning (because DH had loaded the car yesterday, and I wouldn't actually be able to get the kids in it tomorrow if I didn't) and I've got two loads of washing on the line, but I think that's it for the day.

I'm struggling too.
Everything is going wrong.
I don't understand why everything I say is misunderstood.
I'm very sad now.

So sorry to bear everyone is having such a difficult time! It's so hard when everything gets so overwhelming.

Sounds like lots of us going through transitions with work, moving, end of holidays etc. 😩 @IncompleteSenten summed it up perfectly I think:

I know what I need to do, I know how to do it - I'm just completely frozen and I just want to shove all the stuff onto the floor and crawl into bed.

Hope everybody is feeling a bit better tonight. We did make it out in the end. Too late for the shop but at least managed to take my children for our (very belated) lunch by the sea.

And snapped a couple more beach photos! Being there calmed me down a bit. The sunshine (finally!), the sound, and the sky looked so beautiful today.

😔

What happened? (If you want to talk about it).

💐 for all of you who are having a tough day. You are understood!

I achieved nothing today except stress and anxiety levels through the roof and now have yet another silent migraine on the way. I've just started to feel sick and the wibbly lines are creeping in. I'm officially giving in and calling it a day.

Hi everyone,

Thank you for the kind words and replies - it was my goal/reward that if I finished the baking/cooking/cleaning and washing up was to come on here - and yes I took pictures - please be kind (some of it tastes better than it looks)

I find it really hard to follow recipes. I use the - if I got it, it gets thrown in and the measure it by eye method. Both I picked up from helping my nan from the age of about 6 to make meals for all the pensioners in the village.

Hi as well to everyone who is struggling today - the comment about seeing and knowing what to do but our brains go 'how? What? When? Who?' is something I struggle with all the time. I think we need to give ourselves a break and take 5 mins to focus on the positives that we achieve - even if it is well I got up, made the bed and then got straight back in it. Believe me that's all I can manage somedays.

I also discovered that I had packed the attachments to the mixer, the rolling pin, 1 cake tin but not the other, my jug and a few other bits that I needed today.

First pic is the Apple turnovers with cream.
Then I made a school traybake but it split because I removed it from the tim a bit quick. Be alright with custard. Then I made 6 sausage, cheese and egg muffin things (nod to using the leftovers).
Will have to post the other pics in the next post.

And I have NO IDEA as to why my pic of Apple turnovers with cream has been marked as sensitive 🤣🤣🤣🤣

This is the big flan that we will have for tea and I will probably freeze some - that's if my DF (dear friend) doesn't eat it all - if he had his way he would eat that whole flan in one sitting!!

That also has a sensitive label - must be the cheese!!

The last pic is the chicken casserole in/over Yorkshire puds that I made him for his tea.
He ate the lot and said it was delicious - good job as he is having it for lunch tomorrow.

Won't post the coffee cake until tomorrow - it needs to completely cool, but the icing is ready.

Not sure if to add a layer of strawberry jam in the middle with the coffee butter cream - what do you all think?

In bed now and watching Towering Inferno - love a good old film!

Next ad break I will put the kettle on and make hot chocolate if anyone wants one.

Love and hugs to you all xx

Holy shit you've been productive. Those apple turnovers look amazing!

Also, kudos on not hitting instant overload and jacking it all in, the moment you discovered that necessary tools were unavailable because I definitely would've done that.

And I have NO IDEA as to why my pic of Apple turnovers with cream has been marked as sensitive 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Oh errrr, apple turnovers eh? 🤣

Seriously though it all looks delicious. I am in awe, hooooow did you do that in one afternoon?!? Definitely deserve to put your feet up now.

Coffee cake with jam and buttercream sounds delicious to me.

Thank you!!

Baking is my happy place - it understands me and I understand it - if that makes sense. Once I start I find it really hard to stop!

Once I have my music playing it almost feels like I'm dancing or performing (typing this isn't making sense but I hope you understand)
Not like I'm on TV but it's almost a fluidity. I just know what to do - muscle memory?? The only thing I can't bake is cookies & biscuits - I just can't!

Just sent pics to nephew and he is now coming round tomorrow 'as I must need help moving boxes or something 🤣🤣, he said his Sunday dinner of cottage pie in Yorkshire pudding I made for him was delicious but he's waiting to eat his rhubarb and apple crumble as he's a bit stuffed right now - that is like getting a hug, when he says that.

I also discovered that I have packed Dobbys lead and harness and I have to take him to the vets on Tuesday for his 6 monthly blood test. This should be his last one and then it goes yearly. I cook all of his food so have to have his levels checked (vitamin, iron etc). They have been really impressed with his diet and everything he eats and so far his results have been really good.
This is another 'skill' I learnt from a neighbour growing up. His favourite meal at the moment is puffy omelettes (fatarta??? I think they are called) I wisk the egg whites and then fold in the yolks with peas, sweet potato chicken, rice and cheese. You start by cooking it on the hob, then bung it under the grill where it puffs up.

Sorry if I haven't replied to anyone - I'm very close to shutdown mode.

But I did good today and all your kinds words has made today a really good day.

Thank you 💕💕💕

Frittata?

So lovely your nephew appreciates your food so much! I love cooking but my kids mostly tell me it's "yucky" and throw it on the floor.

It's meltdown central here tonight. They're both still awake. I am beyond overwhelmed. 😩

Just another thread.
A kind friend has cheered me up now.
Thanks.

I'm sorry to see that a lot of you are feeling overwhelmed. I do hope that you all have a good day , and that the new school term starts well for those of you with dc. The Easter holidays are weird right? I've had a lovely break but I'm ready for some routine now.

I had to coax DD out from under her bed to get her to school so not the best start, but she seemed to perk up once there. After finally getting out of my slump over the holidays the new term has brought back that her support still isn't quite right but dealing with it is just overwhelming me completely.

I'm terrible at keeping up with this thread but can I just say wow @Dobbyatemysocks all of that looks delicious. I find cooking/baking really stressful, DH/DD always really enjoy whatever I make but it's rare that I do make anything because it generally induces a meltdown.

Had a terrible weekend, had to take DD to a hospital in the next city at nearly midnight on Saturday for an out-of-hours GP appointment and then when we finally got home I was in bed for maybe an hour before she woke me up saying she thought the GP was wrong and she probably has tonsilitis. I ended up being a bit stroppy with her (I think I said "Is now really the time to be telling me this, couldn't possibly have waited until the morning") she got in a huff and stormed off, I went back to sleep, possibly muttering ffs under my breath as I did, same as on the drive to the hospital (mentally I was raging with her). I knew what was wrong with her (UTI) and what the outcome would be (medicine) and that she wouldn't be happy with it but it's one of the many things that we just end up going along with because the alternative is worse/more drawn out.

I have my first(virtual) interview for the coding job this afternoon, keep flitting between I got this and complete panic mode and like I don't know what I'm doing. I have warned DD several times not to disturb me either by coming in the room or relentlessly messaging me like she normally does. My phone will be on silent but I know if something urgent(in her eyes) comes up she will just walk in. DH is going to try and get home just before it starts so he can deal with her but it's not a guarantee (plus she always tends to ignore him and seek me out). Luckily she has an online lesson that finishes 10 minutes into my interview so I'm hoping she will be finishing off her notes/decompressing after that and won't NEED me until after the interview, plus her boyfriend is here as he has the week off work so she is less likely to disturb me but there's still a high probability.

Also, DH and his illogical thought process have really irritated me this week, all over a flippin' shed!

@camelCase aaaargh! Worst possible timing for all of that when you have the interview today. All that stress and then a disturbed night of sleep. 😩 I hope your DH can get back in time so you can focus just on the interview and feel calm. Good luck!

Had a horrendous couple of days here. So many meltdowns from the children, transitiom back to school is hard. I'm totally overwhelmed with so many things to do and absolutely no way to get them all done. I think I've been in burnout now for several years and it's becoming harder and harder to function because there's no prospect of any rest, ever, to actually recover. Not for another 15 years or so. 😆

@camelCase I hope your interview goes well. I often have "out of body" feelings during interviews but no one seems to notice. I hope your DD is feeling better and will take the meds.

@Nepmarthiturn urgh! school still the set up from the Victorian age and not fit for purpose IMHO. I think a lot of us have have been running on empty since school and into our adult lives coping in a NT world. I hope you have a good day.

I agree completely @SapatSea . It seems like the idea was to set it up for the majority but actually it doesn't seem to be great for most children, ND or not. These days I think it's designed to simply be as cheap as possible with no real regard at all for the wellbeing of the children who attend and certainly not nourishing any love of learning.

I am so worried how my youngest will cope when she has to go, even though we're already having meetings with the SENCO etc about it. 😔 It seems to try to crush kids into conformity and destroy any creativity they may have. Even with my older child, when he was hugely distressed, there was little interest in making any changes because he is capable academically and not disruptive to them, so in their opinion no issue. No regard for his welfare whatsoever.

I wish I didn't have to send them.

Thank you @SapatSea @Nepmarthiturn DH made it back, so I'm upstairs just waiting for the time to pass and left strict instructions with DD not to disturb me even if the house is on fire lol.

School is just awful, I'm so thankful that DD is no longer at mainstream, the last few years of mainstream secondary and in particular the first few months of college were the worst! She's currently in alternative provision that is specifically for kids with SEMH and the difference in her is amazing. She left secondary barely scraping passes and after half a term at college was suicidal now she's super happy and in her last psychology mock got a 9 (she's having to do GCSE's as the AP don't offer level 3 education). All the educational side of things is online and she only goes in face to face for a few hours twice a week to work on life skills/social skills, I wish more schools could follow their setup.