Autistic women assemble!

[Nepmarthiturn]

...only if and when you're not feeling antisocial and want the entire world to +%$¥ off, or course. 😉😆

A few of us were talking on another thread and thought it would be nice to have a support/ chat thread on here to share interests/ challenges/ parenting issues or whatever we feel like. A little community of autistic women on here that we can dip in and out of but will be supportive and friendly and people who actually get it.

Might also be a nice counterbalance to all of the horrific posts about autism that we find here so regularly!!

P.S. Have deliberately posted this in chat rather than in the ND Mumsnetters topic because it will hopefully reach more people who would like to join in. I didn't even realise that section existed for a long time and often miss threads there as they don't show in active and expect I'm not alone in that. However, in posting this here, we will be relying on the people with obnoxious and ignorant views about autism who so regularly post on Mumsnet, to demonstrate to us their allegedly superior empathy (ha!) and please just leave this thread alone: it's not for you. Many thanks!!

Hey @Dinobooklover . Lazy day sounds in order. Although to me it sounds like you've done a lot already given it's still morning!

Your work sounds very stressful. ☹️ All services seem to be such a mess atm.

Might not be appropriate depending what you studied but thought I'd throw this out there as it occurred to me reading your post: through my work we've sometimes been involved with NatCen. They do social research, I find it absolutely fascinating talking to them! I wonder if maybe they might have some kind of reseach roles that fit in with your qualifications and areas of experience that aren't too "peopley"?

natcen.ac.uk/work-for-us

I am wiped out today. Somehow managed to get the kids up to London yesterday to the theatre. This was one of my bright ideas booked way in advance in a moment of enthusiasm that then a couple of days before causes me huge stress and me wondering why I've done this to myself again. 🫣 But also don't want them to miss out on experiences just because they're so much harder for us to access.

I have mobility issues so it has caused a lot of pain, plus the stress of two autistic kids on public transport and not safe on roads/ train platforms. 😩 Them and me totally overwhelmed by all the noise and people by the time we were back. Hoping for a pretty quiet weekend so we can all recover!

I've not heard of them before but I'll have a look, thanks! Research would suit me much better. My job is stressful enough without me also masking on top. I've felt burned out for years.

also I live in London, public transport when you're ND is hard enough without ND kids and mobility issues. I feel exhausted just at the thought. I hope your weekend is chilled.

My job is research/ policy based but in a different area, with very little interaction with people required and it makes such a difference! Previously I had a client facing role and every day was hell, so thoroughly recommend such a move if you can find a role that suits you!

Hahaa yes it was silly to go up there, especially with my health so bad atm. I leave it just long enough between these trips to forget how awful it was before making the same mistake again and booking another one. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

Dino, in my experience, university professional services is a diverse and welcoming sector, with lots of hybrid working and family friendly policies. Try this website or if there is a specific uni of interest you can usually sign up for alerts on their website: https://www.jobs.ac.uk/

Thank you, I will also look here.

I’ve kind of lost track of this thread over the past few days, which then stresses me as it makes me feel rude!

Just need to have a small vent in the hope that letting out will mean that I can settle into my evening a bit better. Weirdly, my cat doesn’t seem to pay attention if I want to vent.

I do my food shop every Saturday evening as this tends to be the quietest time to go (Aldi). I also do my mum’s shop at the same time. As a bit of background, I used to have a regular online delivery - same time/day for around 10 years, but the buggers cancelled all of these when covid hit and trying to fight for slots in the beginning was a nightmare. Haven’t gone back to online since (apart from the odd occasion) as I’m very conscious of costs for me and my mum, and Aldi really does reduce the bill quite a bit.

Anyway, they put in self-service tills a few weeks ago. This evening, not ONE normal till was open. I stood near them and a member of staff indicated for me to go to the self-service tills. I sort of indicated “really?”, but she said yes, please use those, I can help you. I didn’t want to make a fuss, but I really wanted to just dump the trolley and leave. In reality, she wasn’t able to help as various people on other tills all had problems, so she was running between each till to sort them. I ended up scanning and then packing a whole trolley myself - which seemed to take twice as long as just catching the stuff at super-speed on a normal till.

I dropped mum’s shopping off very quickly and just said I had frozen food so needed to head off. I’m now home and it’s all put away, but I feel like I’m stressed (and upset) to the point of exploding. I HATE feeling like this, I feel like I’m having to talk myself down.

As I mentioned earlier in the thread, I’m not diagnosed, but have a suspicion that I could be autistic. Is feeling like this normal?

Am really considering starting the process, but that’s freaking me out too. How on earth do you broach it with your GP without sounding like you’re attention-seeking? What if I’m actually just a selfish narcissist? What if I bring it up and they won’t refer me?

Have done a couple of the AQ tests. My AQ score was 39 (max of 50). And my EQ score was bloody 19 (max of 80!). The EQ score has probably freaked me out most, I thought I was nicer than that in real life 😢

Anyway, sorry for the ramble. Fingers crossed I can settle into the evening and put a halt to my inner stressed monologue.

I am thinking of starting a thread in relationships for those of us who are ND and in relationships with NT partners. Would anyone be interested?

Ahhhh @Furries that sounds really tough. I can't deal with supermarkets at all: the lights, the people and the impossibility of trying to find anything with so many colours and labels and things being moved around. So first of all I find it amazing you manage this every week. Ex-H used to get our shop from Aldi which was brilliant as so much cheaper but sadly I can't use them anymore because I have to order online. So lovely that you do the sho for your mum, also.

It's especially hard when you go to do something difficult like that and then suddenly it has changed, so I'm not surprised that has made you upset and unsettled. You have a system and then with no warning it's all different and it makes you feel totally overwhelmed. So yes, I'd say that is how lots of autistic people would have felt!

I hope you feel better this morning. 💐

In terms of getting a diagnosis, I just went to my GP and explained that my friend who is a mental health nurse had suggested I may have autism, I'd done some reading and it seems to fit, and done the quotient tests online and had ridiculously high scores, and she referred you. Do you have a good GP? Please don't be put off by thinking they will fob you off, most now do have a better understanding that autism is hugely under-diagnosed especially in older women. And if you happen to get a dinosaur instead who won't listen I'd simply request to see a different GP.

The waiting lists can vary a lot by area though. I think when there are documentaries about autism - and there have been a few recently - waiting list can go up as the penny drops for more people, so they may have gone up recently but it really does depend where you are and whether your local NHS Trust is spending enough on it to fund diagnosis services properly. But don't put it off, I always think it's better to know the truth and personally I don't know a single autistic woman diagnosed later in life who regrets it. There isn't much help but you do at least have the support of others, and the self-understanding can make such a huge difference to wellbeing.

Also just from speaking to you on here @Furries I'm pretty certain you are not a narcissist! 😆😊

Sorry for garbled typo-ridden response again. Medication has not yet kicked in so barely coherent. 😆

Checking in to the thread because this time next week I will be out running the London Marathon.

I love love running and it will be my 4th marathon but this year more than ever due to work and job changes autism has affected me more than ever in training. I have missed more runs that ever due to those days where you just need to curl up in a ball and not leave the house. I have dreams of running under 5 hours for the first time ever but not sure it’s possible with all the missed runs due to not being able to face a transition/the outdoors/putting clothes on/the weather.

Not to mention sponsorship not going to plan because I’m too shy to ask!

Just trying to decide between having some balls to go out and push hard and risk disappointment or just “aiming to finish!”

Struggling again today. Still in pain from ill-advised trip on Fri. Need to take children to nearest city to buy youngest a violin (she had a trial lesson with a friend who teaches, thought she was waaaay too young and the answer would be wait a year or two but nope! She loves it and was playing stuff after half an hour, so starts regular lessons this week). Then promised to take kids out for lunch for the last day of hols. Can hardly walk at all after London escapade but have found disabled parking nearby on Street View. But now stressing what I will do if it's full because it's a place where they have tons of roads marked as "loading areas" so you can't even park with a blue badge. 😩😩 I've got myself so worried about parking that I can't get myself to get dressed and leave but we have to go soon otherwise we won't have time to get there and get the violin before our lunch reservation. Somebody please either punch me in the face or kick me up the arse. I hate being paralysed like this so I can't actually DO anything.

This is amazing!!!!! I saw the signs when up there Fri. I grew up in London and it was always a dream of mine to run the marathon (used to run loads) but now with mobility issues will never happen. What a fantastic achievement, and you've done it before?!

I want to watch and try to spot yoj but obvs have no idea what you look like. But honestly, how fantastic. Please do post a sponsorship link! Nobody is being forced to click on it but personally I'd quite like to. 😊 Who are you raising money for?

Sorry this was meant to tag @user1471548941

Hi all I think I need this thread. I have an autistic dd ( awaiting assessment) and I have suspicions about her twin too, who probably just masks better. Have no diagnosis myself but have always felt " wrong" and having educated myself due to my DD being referred by school in reception am 100% sure I am also autistic. Can I join?

Hi @ladygindiva , you are very welcome here. Thanks for joining us. It's so hard waiting for diagnosis for children, and them trying to process that while caring for twins as well (!!) and also trying to process that you may be autistic too, that's a lot to cope with. So many mothers realise they're autistic when it becomes clear their children are, you are not alone in that.

Thankyou! Very busy day today but will soon be giving the thread a good read, and likely leaning on you all a little as so few people in RL seem to understand , if that's okay x

Of couse. The whole point of the thread is that we are all here to support each other.

*course

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤣🤣

Hi all,
Just thought I would pop in and say hi!
I've been a bit quiet of late because of dealing with all the problems with the house.
Short back story. We lived in this house for nearly ten years and in that time the landlord hasn't done any repairs (we had no hot water for nearly a year - to give an example). Earlier this year both the landlord and the agent wanted to increase our rent by 50%!!! We refused and got served with a no fault eviction!

Thankfully, a really good friend is helping us with a property.
But it is so hard!

I have a really good system for packing, so much so that we have packed (apart from the basics) and we still have 4-6 weeks until we move.
Right now I am fighting myself to stop unpacking boxes and repacking them - I just feel like I have too much stuff!
Between us we have over 14 boxes of books - it would have been over 18, but I did have a sort through and donated 4 boxes to a local charity so not all bad.

I'm very much a "I'll do it tomorrow" so normally we wouldn't have even started with the packing - so I am proud of that.
I've been making list after list and I brought a notebook to write in daily to keep track of all the calls and emails.

However, I am still waiting for the "other shoe to drop" - I keep jumping up when I'm asleep in a sheer panic because I can't seem to shake the feeling that I have missed something or that something else is going to happen and I just won't cope with it all.

The house (it doesn't feel like a home anymore) is very empty and feels very cold and unwelcoming. I hate it and its playing havoc with my mental health. I'm also having to keep my mask on a lot longer during the day and that is exhausting!!

The one bit of news I did want to share with you is that I left the house on my own last week to go and get my eye test and glasses sorted out. Normally I have to have a friend with me - but I managed it! I even managed to treat myself with a latte and a slow walk home (oops forgot, we're not ment to buying coffee if we want to buy a house). I'm planning to go out again on Tuesday to collect my nice new glasses - my 'adopted' nephew is taking me this time as I want to go to a couple of shops and he loves bargain hunting with his Aunty Dobbyatemysocks! I've been helping him learn budgeting and cooking. When he visits, we each try to get a too good to go bag (normally poundbakery) and then we have £10 to pop in the Morrisons and see what reduced items we get. Then when we get home we plan a week's worth of meals. I make extra meals during the week and freeze them, so this week he has a homemade chicken, leek and mushroom flan, chicken casserole and a spag bol. I'm also baking today so will make a school traybake, some sausage rolls, melting moments and anything else that I find to make. I also managed to grab him a bag of 32 cooked sausages. After paying all of his bills he is left with £20 a week for food. He calls me his Jedi aunty 🤣🤣🤣.

Anyway I had better move my bottom as I need to get started on the baking - going to pop my new (old, brought in the charity shop for 40p) smash hits of the 80's cd and try to remember the words as I screech along 🤣🤣🥺

Hope you are all having a good day today - will pop back later and if it's ok, show you what I've made (this will make me move like you @Nepmarthiturn & @JarByTheDoor )

Tea, hugs and love to all xx

Looking forward to seeing the results!

@Dobbyatemysocks moving house is one of the most stressful things you can possibly do so no wonder you are feeling like this! I find it takes months as well to feel "settled" in a new place. But it sounds like it will be worth it to be somewhere more secure. That last part where it's half packed up and like you say doesn't feel like home anymore but you don't have your new home either though is so disorientating. Packing is the worst! Sorting through deciding what to keep etc. Unpacking isn't quite so bad IMO. And no time pressure for that part. I have moved now 28 times I think in my life (15 years of renting and a disrupted childhood!) and now I'll only be moved out of here in box I think!!

Jedi aunty!! That's amazing. What a lovely relationship you have with him. 💛💛

Please do show us the baking results! Great way to take your mind off it all. I love to cook but am useless at baking. I'm very "rustic" in my approach so anything that requires measuring ingredients does not work out well. 🤣 Always envious of people who can bake. I have to buy birthday cakes for my children because it would cost me far more in therapy if I tried to make them myself. "But mummy, I asked for a space rocket..." 🫣🤣

I got dressed. Tried to leave. And have now had a child having a 45 min meltdown about socks. Trying to move lunch reservation to dinner time but losing the will to live from all the screaming. FML.

Maybe I should get Dobby to come over and eat all her socks @Dobbyatemysocks because apparently she hates all of them.