Autistic women assemble!

[Nepmarthiturn]

...only if and when you're not feeling antisocial and want the entire world to +%$¥ off, or course. 😉😆

A few of us were talking on another thread and thought it would be nice to have a support/ chat thread on here to share interests/ challenges/ parenting issues or whatever we feel like. A little community of autistic women on here that we can dip in and out of but will be supportive and friendly and people who actually get it.

Might also be a nice counterbalance to all of the horrific posts about autism that we find here so regularly!!

P.S. Have deliberately posted this in chat rather than in the ND Mumsnetters topic because it will hopefully reach more people who would like to join in. I didn't even realise that section existed for a long time and often miss threads there as they don't show in active and expect I'm not alone in that. However, in posting this here, we will be relying on the people with obnoxious and ignorant views about autism who so regularly post on Mumsnet, to demonstrate to us their allegedly superior empathy (ha!) and please just leave this thread alone: it's not for you. Many thanks!!

@Furries

Regarding the supermarkets, I keep seeing news that some supermarkets (including Aldi) now do a "Quiet Hour" (named like this or similarly). I found an article about one in Ireland, but I read about these in Austria and Switzerland, too.
https://www.thejournal.ie/quiet-hour-supermarkets-2745762-May2016/

Main changes during this quiet hour are for example dimmed lights, lowering the beeping noise at the checkout (one of the things I hate most, and I feel this sound became louder during the past decade at most stores) and if applicable, turning down the store music/radio.

Perhaps for those that are interested, they might ask their local supermarket whether they would consider this as part of becoming more diverse (always good as a marketing story for the supermarket, so they can get a media story and ND folk can get to shop in peace).

All the educational side of things is online and she only goes in face to face for a few hours twice a week to work on life skills/social skills, I wish more schools could follow their setup.

I would have killed for the opportunity to do secondary school on this basis! I would have learned ten times more and been so much less stressed and unhappy and damaged by it all. Why can't they offer this to more kids?

This would be great if they also raised the temperature about 20°C higher and had someone on hand to find every single item for me. 😂😂

How did the interview go @camelCase ?

@Nepmarthiturn
"This would be great if they also raised the temperature about 20°C higher and had someone on hand to find every single item for me. 😂😂"

😀

I often go to the same stores, so after a while I know where everything is. That's no use of course if the store in question likes to move shelves/zones around.

A long time ago I read about a thing like Google Maps for Indoors - for public buildings, administrative buildings etc. Some small companies were working on that. I'm not sure what became of it. Perhaps the supermarkets could integrate the layout and a search function into their apps?

Same, if I could have done all my GCSE's online I probably would have gotten much better results like I did when I re-took my maths last year.

As with everything it's all about the money, her alternative provision including transport is almost 20k but covid has shown that online learning is possible, it's not for everyone but should be available to those who would benefit from it. There are quite a few online schools nowadays, I don't know why local authorities don't strike up a deal with some of them. Better to pull a kid out of mainstream and let them do online school and have better mental health than force them to stay in mainstream and have their mental health plummet and their grades go down because they normally start to school refuse as well. I've been suggesting this a lot when in meetings with LA but it's all so backwards. DD wants to move on to a level 3 online diploma course in September and we have to wait to see if the LA will approve the funding despite it being a 1/4 of the cost of what they are paying now and they'd already approved her current placement for an additional year. So they can pay 20k this coming academic year or 5, it would seem like a straightforward yes but nothing ever is with these people, it's mind-blowing how nonsensical their thinking is.

The interview was fine thanks, other than the interviewer being 30 minutes late but I didn't mind she did email me to say she might be a bit late, it gave me time to go over my notes more. It was just like a mock interview with a staff member from the degree provider, she really liked my answers, especially some of the questions I have for the employer (she actually wrote one down and said she would be suggesting others use it). She gave me a couple of pointers just about getting more in-depth company info, especially on what they do/how they do it. Which is going to be tricky as due to the 'state secrets' nature of the company they can't exactly put up blueprints or in-depth info on their 'product'. We did both agree that it's weird that I will have to go for a face-to-face interview especially as they make a big deal about security clearance to even visit the site, it would make more sense to have a virtual interview (I would prefer that as well).

I hate it when the shops change the layout, I know why they do it but it's still annoying, I prefer online shopping although it takes me 3 times as long as I end up looking at everything whereas in store I can scan through the shelves faster. I have an order arriving tonight but because DH likes to pick out fresh veg/fruit we also have to go shopping on Saturday, I'd rather go Friday night as it will be quiet. DD prefers late-night shopping as well, when we go on our own we normally get there for about 9.30 and there is hardly anyone around and they tend to have the lights dimmer anyway it's great.

So what's everyone up to today? I've decided to have a relaxing day as my interview although at the time seemed a breeze really drained me, plus I did loads of housework yesterday and need to whizz around with the hoover but that's it. Had another night of disrupted sleep this time due to one of the dogs with an upset tummy, she had me up 3 times to go out, she's had some medicine and seems a lot better now.

Glad the interview went well Camel.

It's been an odd few days here. DS1 is glad to be back to school and into his routine, I'm much the same (though also exhausted from the switch back into school mode), and DS2 has been stuck at home all week with a flare of his bowel issues. DH made the switch to nights a few years back because we were both having to take so much time off with him being poorly, so at least I've been able to go back to work. The guilt if I have to take time off is crippling, no matter how justified it is!

It's been a lovely day today. We took our Y2 children on a trip to a Victorian workhouse, and we all dressed up. I love costumes, so I was in my element! Hoop skirt, corset, Victorian blouse, a bonnet, and a cloak. It was great, and the kids had the best time. I'm mentally exhausted from dealing with 36 over excited 6/7 year olds; particularly on the coach there and back; but it was totally worth it.

@CaptainCallisto that sounds like a great day!

I am feeling out of sorts today. I have a meeting with the headteacher at my kids school tomorrow about potential opportunities working or volunteering there, and it's taking me all my willpower not to cancel out of sheer fear of the unknown just because I desperately want this too. It's been on my mind all week and I am now at the stage where I cannot do anything else but worry about it. The headteacher intimidates me so much, I think because she was my teacher 30 odd years ago any suggestions on how to not turn up for the meeting a bumbling wreck?!

DH was grating on my nerves as he was commenting on a tv show constantly and trying to talk to me. I wanted to tell him I just needed quiet but felt it was on me to go and find a quiet space... but I just couldn't find the energy in me to actually move. Does that make sense to anyone?

As normal it's taken me far too long to get this post written so I'm going to press post and run away for a bit

Nepmarthiturn, I'm confused. I tried to buy the Kindle version of Aspergirls from Amazon and paid £6.38 for it, but all it contained was a signpost to an NHS resource (see pic) and a few pages of references to autism support groups - 11 pages in total. There was no other content, so I returned it. I know I could buy the paperback version, but I wanted to read it discretely. 😟

@ConstructionTime that sounds like a brilliant idea, with the maps. I find it so hard to navigate places and it causes so much stress not knowing where you are meant to go!

@camelCase that is mind-boggling: apparently cash strapped Council objecting to cutting the costs of her education by 75%. 😵‍💫🤯 None of the systems for anything to do with the Councils/ Government seem to make any rational sense. They could do with some autistic people taking over all of their processes and within weeks it would all be functioning ten times better. It often feels like bashing your head on a wall, doesn't it?

Fantastic that your interview went well!

@CaptainCallisto that trip sounds exhausting but also like a lot of fun! Is your DS2 any better now?

@Cathster how was your meeting?

Oh no @wendicoot how very odd! The book is definitely nothing to do with the NHS. No idea why that would have happened!

I've had a really lazy day today with a friend at a local gym/ pool/ spa and feel so much better for it. Ages since I did anything for self care.

DS2 was back to school yesterday, though still not well (he's frequently in school whilst poorly enough that other parents would keep him home because if we didn't, he'd never be there!). He managed to shut his fingers in the door to the PE shed, and we spent the three hours after school in minor injuries getting them x-rayed and strapped. That's a rib, two toes, and two fingers he's broken in the last four weeks. The joys of dyspraxia!

Oh no @CaptainCallisto ! Just perfect after a hard week. I feel your pain. We'd been to A&E so much recently that last time one of the nurses dropped off something my kid had left there, on her drive home. 😆🙄🫣

Eye roll not at her obviously! It was incredibly sweet of her. So kind. Eye roll was for the kid (not claiming ownership) that leaves such a robust trail of stuff behind it seems like they're concerned they might be trying to find their way out after being abandoned in a forest like Hansel and Gretel. And eye roll that we've been there so regularly that they knew exactly whose it was and where we live. Embarrassing.

Is your DS feeling less sick now at least? Maybe a new broken bone will be a distraction. 🤔😫🤦🏻‍♀️

Oh, I can just imagine! The receptionist at minor injuries greeted us with "Hello again. What have you done to yourself now, young man?". All said in a friendly way, with a sympathetic look for me, while DS2 just mutely held up his hand for her inspection.

He's feeling less sick now, his temperature has finally broken, and he's back to fighting with his brother. So business as usual!

Ha! How funny. Glad to hear he's in good spirits now!

One of my kids accidentally whacked the back door into the other's face earlier so a huge lump but thankfully no A&E today. The clumsiness is awful. Not that I can criticise!!

Have donated!

How did it go?

This week has been terrible so far, one of my dogs was really ill over the weekend, she had to have an injection on Saturday and has some pills and calpol (I didn't even know you could give dogs calpol but apparently it's good for bringing their temp down/pain relief). Haven't had much sleep because both dogs are now ill and have had me up pretty much every hour or 2 since Sunday. They are both going in to the vets at lunchtime, I'm guessing they will want to keep them in to do bloods which will be bad as one of them hates being away from home.

I also have a funeral this afternoon so it's going to be a big rush getting them to the vets (and hopefully back again) before getting changed and then I have to drive and park somewhere I don't know well. DH drove me down there yesterday evening so I could have a look and they have a big car park I'm just worried that there will be another funeral on and I won't be able to park. It's an old family friend of his and he said if it's too much for me to just turn around and go back home as he knows parking has been sprung on me last minute (I was meant to go in one of the limos but another family friend wanted to go in it). Nobody there knows me (apart from DH and his aunt) so they won't be wondering where I am so no pressure to turn up. Makes it easier knowing I can drive down there and if it's packed I can just turn around and come right back home again.

I'm also freaking out about my interview on Thursday, I did disclose my ND just so I could explain that I won't be wearing makeup due to sensory issues with it. To my surprise, one of the interviewers disclosed that she is ND as well and also can't wear makeup. It's made me feel a lot better about it but still nervous as this place just sounds like the perfect employer for someone who is ND and I really really want this opportunity.

I hope everyone else's week is going better than mine has so far lol

I'd never considered I might need to explain my makeuplessness in a job interview 😱😱😱 Though to be fair, I'm yet to reach the heady heights of actually being offered an interview. Very best of luck with it, camel! Will you be able to decompress a bit tomorrow, assuming the dogs are manageable?

I'd like to post here but don't know what to say. Are people just posting about their day? That's good, if so, I can probably do that. So far enjoying the quality of the light, the cool air. Have completed housework tasks at my dad's house, been to the supermarket and am now paralysed with fear by the work (housework, admin, some official stuff) waiting for me here at home. That's all pretty commonplace for me!

Thankfully the dogs are home, vet didn't feel bloods were necessary as other than diarrhea and vomiting they are fine(alert, playful,eating/drinking). She thinks it's just a bit of a virus, she gave the other dog an anti sickness injection and they gave us some royal canin gastrointestinal food (as one dog keeps eating all the chicken and leaving the rice). I also need to order some fibre pills she suggested as that will help harden them up/speed up recovery.

Now just waiting around until it's time for me to leave, hoping I miss the school run traffic(I might leave early just incase).

@JarByTheDoor I've had plenty of time to overthink my interview, all the what ifs and I suddenly thought omg it's a professional environment most women wear makeup are they going to judge me for not wearing any and therefore seemingly not making an effort(don't even get me started on what I'm going to wear!). I'm spending tomorrow going over everything the company has on it's website (again lol) and practicing some coding incase they ask me to do something (they have stated they won't but I'd rather be prepared just incase).

@StopStartStop Feel free to post anything you like I think we've had a variety of topics discussed and some amazing photos posted. There's no pressure here to do the unknown socially acceptable 'right thing' just post whatever you like 😊 I find lists help when everything seems overwhelming, especially general life admin. Try making a list in order of what has to be done today down to what can probably wait. My suggestion would be official stuff, admin, housework. The house not being hoovered for one more day won't hurt but missing a deadline or response date or whatever the official stuff is potentially could. My house desperately needs the bathrooms cleaning and I need to hoover but today has already been a lot so I'll see how I feel after the funeral if I'm not totally drained I'll hoover(and do the dishes) but the bathrooms can wait until tomorrow.

Hopefully, if the ND interviewer is the ASD type of ND, and also has a say in the interview format, she'll have pointed out that you won't necessarily get a representative picture of an ND candidate by springing unexpected tasks on them.

Thank you @camelCase but lists are very, very bad for me. I once did learn to manage the ADHD 'list of three' but I can't even do that at the moment. I'm on 'What can you do? Do that!' So I partially tidied my bedroom... the terrifying stuff still waits. 😂

I don't know the "list of three", but two things that have made starting something easier for me are:
Breaking down tasks into such small steps that eventually you overcome the resistance to do something (for procrastinating etc). The breaking down of projects in tasks is of course an often used method, but the difference here is to get the piece of a task below your resistance level. A bit like the "what can I do" you mentioned. For example paperwork piling up that you hate to do, start with the simplest bit like sorting them by topic or date and urgency. Often then once I started, it's easier to keep going, either with miniature step 2 and 3, or at least the next day.

(Weirdly I have to do this only outside of work, at work the urgency / necessity motivates enough to just-do-it, but I tried giving myself deadlines for my own stuff, that doesn't really work).

The other is (especially with ADHD), having several things on the go at once - but not thousands of things, because that is too overwhelming. When you are bored of something, do the other thing(s). This way, at least something gets done, even if it is not always the planned activity.
This is contradictory to the "stop multitasking" tips which are often given, but it works better for me. It's not directly multitasking, but switching between single tasks when focus runs out.

The other is (especially with ADHD), having several things on the go at once

Yes, thank you, I do that too, @ConstructionTime

I don't need to be fixed, though. I know what I can do and what I can't. Forcing it won't help. I have to wait for the 'gift' to do it.