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Original poster

Autistic women assemble!

978 replies

Nepmarthiturn · 04/04/2023 10:36

...only if and when you're not feeling antisocial and want the entire world to +%$¥ off, or course. 😉😆

A few of us were talking on another thread and thought it would be nice to have a support/ chat thread on here to share interests/ challenges/ parenting issues or whatever we feel like. A little community of autistic women on here that we can dip in and out of but will be supportive and friendly and people who actually get it.

Might also be a nice counterbalance to all of the horrific posts about autism that we find here so regularly!!

P.S. Have deliberately posted this in chat rather than in the ND Mumsnetters topic because it will hopefully reach more people who would like to join in. I didn't even realise that section existed for a long time and often miss threads there as they don't show in active and expect I'm not alone in that. However, in posting this here, we will be relying on the people with obnoxious and ignorant views about autism who so regularly post on Mumsnet, to demonstrate to us their allegedly superior empathy (ha!) and please just leave this thread alone: it's not for you. Many thanks!!

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Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 12/04/2023 21:01

Also in software engineering you will find lots of kindred spirits! That's what one of my siblings does.

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user1471548941 · 13/04/2023 08:14

@camelCase good luck for the interview!

Just want to say that I work full time in tech with a great and very accommodating employer. One of the reasonable adjustments I have is an allocated parking in their small on site car park. It has a little sign with my initials on so I can park in the same spot every day. Makes my journey to work SO much less stressful.

Limepicklencheese · 13/04/2023 10:07

Hi please can I join? I'm 52 and not had a formal diagnosis yet but on the waiting list. I have had mental health difficulties for most of my adult life. My GP thinks I may be autistic all along and reading some of the women on here's experience's who are , I can definitely relate. My DS 25 is ASD, my DH is ADD and my DD(16) too. I feel safe with them - the only people I feel truly safe with if that makes sense.

Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 13/04/2023 12:12

Hi @Limepicklencheese ! Welcome. 😊

It sounds like you have a wonderful family. I mentioned it upthread that when my children were being diagnosed two of the paediatricians we saw told me that it is highly unlikely to have two ND kids of opposite sexes without both parents also being ND.

I am so interested into the genetics of it all (although knowledge is still to scant of which genes are involved, more just searching for these patterns at this point). But haven't had time to look at the research properly. I was diagnosed while pregnant with my second child so asked about it then but didn't get much of an answer.

Lovely that you all support and understand each other. I hope you don't have to wait too long for your diagnosis.

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Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 13/04/2023 12:54

Having another procrastination day. 😒😩 Somebody give me a kick up the bottom please? I really need to get things done.

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JarByTheDoor · 13/04/2023 13:08

Nepmarthiturn · 13/04/2023 12:54

Having another procrastination day. 😒😩 Somebody give me a kick up the bottom please? I really need to get things done.

Okay. I need to tackle Mount Washing-Up, you need to do whatever it is you need to do. How about we both report back at 5, and account for ourselves?

Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 13/04/2023 13:11

Yes!!! Thank you @JarByTheDoor , this is exactly what I need!! 😃

Crap. Better get on with it. 🤣🤣🤣

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JarByTheDoor · 13/04/2023 13:13

You're on 👍

Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 13/04/2023 13:17

😬😵‍💫😆

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JarByTheDoor · 13/04/2023 17:03

Phew. Slightly reorganised a double cupboard that had reached alarming levels of disorganisation and was threatening to disgorge its contents again, put away some clean crockery etc., did a very large sinkful of washing-up (some still to go, DP is working on this with me), and organised all my many teaspoons by type (they won't all fit in the teaspoon caddy unless they're in segregated stacks…). And had some coffee.

Hope things are going okay for you Nep.

Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 13/04/2023 17:11

JarByTheDoor · 13/04/2023 17:03

Phew. Slightly reorganised a double cupboard that had reached alarming levels of disorganisation and was threatening to disgorge its contents again, put away some clean crockery etc., did a very large sinkful of washing-up (some still to go, DP is working on this with me), and organised all my many teaspoons by type (they won't all fit in the teaspoon caddy unless they're in segregated stacks…). And had some coffee.

Hope things are going okay for you Nep.

Wow! I have actually got a fair bit done, this works! Needed someone to hold me to account.

I rebooked some of my kids' appts that were cancelled die to staff sickness, made a couple of other annoying phone calls (I hate the phone!), booked train tickets for tomorrow, sorted out food shopping order, sorted nanny cover to take one kid to a birthday party, ordered new sand for the sandpit, so a fair bit cleared off the list. I still need to have a shower and dispense with the dressing gown of doom though. 😆 And fold several loads of washing, my most hated job that I always leave until last. 😩

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JarByTheDoor · 13/04/2023 17:20

Nice one! I hate phone admin work, I always put it off and put it off until I've spent many multiples of the time I could've spent just doing it, making myself anxious and feeling guilty about not having done it yet.

Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 13/04/2023 17:29

Exactly that. Hate hate hate it. End up with a huge list of it that needs doing, so it's nice to have cleared some! Moving from one task to another is hard so once I persuade myself to start it's easier to do all the phone stuff in one go so I won't waste yet more time procrastinating about the next call. 🫣 Now need to somehow get myself into physical task gear to do the washing, tidying, dishwasher, bins and all of that malarkey.

Thank you for the much needed kick so that I didn't end up wasting the afternoon!

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Jules912 · 13/04/2023 17:45

I actually quite like folding laundry ( unless it's fitted sheets which I give up and just bundle in) but with you on the phone. Finally got round to calling the dentist to make an appointment but realised I booked for a day DS has something at school so need to reschedule.

Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 13/04/2023 17:54

Aaargh @Jules912 how annoying to have to call again. 😩

Also pleeeeease can you come and fold my washing?

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StopStartStop · 13/04/2023 18:42

Fitted sheet - left side to middle, right side to middle, roll it.

Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 13/04/2023 18:49

There was some video on Youtube that a friend showed me about how to fold fitted sheets so they are flat but even though I watched it 15 times I still couldn't replicate it. 🤦🏻‍♀️

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JarByTheDoor · 13/04/2023 19:22

Nep thank you for prompting me to put myself in a position where I couldn't face coming back on here without being able to report that I'd done some washing-up Grin

Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 13/04/2023 19:29

I'm glad you chose that option rather than abandoning us Jar. And likewise I hope you're all suitably grateful that I put myself through phone calls so I didn't have to do a shameful retreat from ever posting here again. 😆

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JarByTheDoor · 13/04/2023 19:31
Grin
wendicoot · 14/04/2023 07:25

@Nepmarthiturn Hi, I'm new to the thread, but have skim read through all your posts (you write beautifully by the way).

What advice would you give to someone who suspects they are autistic (because everything they skim read about it on Mumsnet matches their own life experiences) but hasn't yet looked into it more thoroughly - I know there are lots of books and websites, but which would you recommend as the place to start? I'm hoping that there may be one widely regarded go-to book that covers all the basics. (Apologies if this has been covered already, but I looked and didn't see it).

Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 14/04/2023 08:35

Hi @wendicoot !

Thanks for joining us. The two books I found very helpful were Aspergirls by Rudy Simone and Women and Girls with Autism Spectrum Disorder by Sarah Hendrickx (that one also has a foreword by Judith Gould who founded the Lorna Wing Institute who were pioneers in recognising how autism manifests in women).

I didn't relate to everything in them but so much of it clicked that once I'd read those I was sure I needed to go for an assessment. Others here may also have some good suggestions: I think there have been some really good things published more recently but since having children I've not had much time to read!

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TheShellBeach · 14/04/2023 11:53

wendicoot · 14/04/2023 07:25

@Nepmarthiturn Hi, I'm new to the thread, but have skim read through all your posts (you write beautifully by the way).

What advice would you give to someone who suspects they are autistic (because everything they skim read about it on Mumsnet matches their own life experiences) but hasn't yet looked into it more thoroughly - I know there are lots of books and websites, but which would you recommend as the place to start? I'm hoping that there may be one widely regarded go-to book that covers all the basics. (Apologies if this has been covered already, but I looked and didn't see it).

Hi there.
I found this website very helpful.
https://exceptionalindividuals.com/candidates/neurodiversity-resources/neurodiversity-quizzes/autism-quiz-test/

Autism Test for Adults | Am I Autistic? | Free Online Quiz

Do you have autism? Take our FREE online autism test for adults to see if you have any traits. Find out if you may have autism with this quick autism quiz.

https://exceptionalindividuals.com/candidates/neurodiversity-resources/neurodiversity-quizzes/autism-quiz-test

Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 15/04/2023 09:45

Morning! What's everyone up to this weekend?

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Dinobooklover · 15/04/2023 10:48

Hi all, back again. I find it hard to keep up with threads.

Went for a lovely walk this morning, then did some kettlebell workout at home. Weight training really helps me manage my adhd.

Have very few spoons left after a really awful week at work, so I won't do much else today. I think I'd like a new job. I work for a charity ,and while it's rewarding and there's aspects of it I like, the cuts to MH, drug & alcohol and social services mean we're getting lumped with complex stuff they should be dealing with. Lump that together with housing crisis and cost of living and the whole thing is a shitshow. Sadly I'm not qualified for anything. I have a degree in social sciences. All the places online for tips about changing careers suggest networking which I cannot do, I need one that's geared towards neurodivergent people that offers advice for free and won't just suggest science/tech as I can't get into those with my degree. I need to do something that helps folks, but the work world isn't autistic/ahdh friendly.

I'm just confused, really.