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Original poster

Will you help your kids when they’re parents?

218 replies

prista · 15/01/2023 14:04

When your kids become parents do you expect to help them out?
I will - I’m not going to give up 1-2 days a week for full on child care because I want to keep working, but I’ll help beyond that - babysitting and holidays (and weekends if they’re close) and if I can afford it I’ll give them financial help for childcare (assuming they need it).
But judging by a lot of the threads here about parents/pils maybe others don’t? Just curious!

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 15/01/2023 14:08

I think it wholly depends on my circumstances by that time - whether I still need to work, how my health is, my financial situation. I wouldn’t commit to regular childcare, because the chances are I’ll need to work. I’d help my kids where possible though what that looks like will depend on a variety of things.

Original poster
prista · 15/01/2023 14:10

Of course health etc makes a big difference - but a lot of the chat on here is about whether otherwise healthy, financially comfortable people with time help. So if that ends up being you, how much would you plan to help out?

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 15/01/2023 14:10

Of course! I expect to help my dc in whatever way I can for as long as I can.

Interested in this thread?

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Childcare & nursery Families
Moomoomeemee · 15/01/2023 14:12

I imagine I will, but you can't predict I don't think.

I predicted I'd love babysitting my nieces and nephews and I did, but when their parents really started taking the piss, and when they couldn't possibly return the favour when we had our DCs, it soured the experience a bit and I was less inclined to give up my weekend nights for them to go out on the lash (which they did), leaving me holding a two week old baby with reflux 🙄 till really late. I still babysit but I have clear boundaries about it

newstart1234 · 15/01/2023 14:13

Hope so. Depends if we live close to each other (hope for that too). I would give up a day's work a week to do so and also random babysitting too for odd occasions. I accept I may change my mind in the (likely around) 20 years or so between now and then.

Dacadactyl · 15/01/2023 14:14

It would depend on my circumstancesand that of my children at the time, but no I wouldn't really want to.

Reason being that I was a SAHM myself for yonks. It's a labour of love and ive done my childrearing. I would be reluctant to do it again but as I say, would depend on wider circumstances.

grievinggirlneedsadvice · 15/01/2023 14:14

As long as I can, I will.

GiltEdges · 15/01/2023 14:15

Absolutely. Having had no support from either set of our parents with DS, I very much want to be there as a grandparent to offer something that I know we would have very much valued. I’d be happy to offer whatever was needed, whether that be full/part time childcare, occasional babysitting, or just financial support.

VivaVivaa · 15/01/2023 14:15

Assuming DS has DC at ‘average age’ and I am in good health, I’ll definitely still be working, so regular childcare won’t be applicable. I suspect current parents to young children will be the last generation to benefit from so much formal childcare from grandparents due to increasing retirement age. But sure, I hope to be a grandparent they can turn to for babysitting/weekends/holidays etc. Both my parents and my inlaws have separately said being a grandparent is a lot better than being a parent Grin

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/01/2023 14:16

I like to think so. Although the dc which will probably have them first lives the furthest away, about 3 and a half hours, so there may be limits to what I can actually help out with.

CornishGem1975 · 15/01/2023 14:16

I doubt I will be able to help with childcare as I have a 30 year mortgage so likely I will still be working myself, but if by some rare chance I wasn't, yes I'd help them. My parents & inlaws helped me. My grandparents helped my parents. Be a bit rich of me to say no if I was in the position to do.

Babysitting, days out at the weekend etc yes! I actually can't wait for my kids to have kids, though it's definitely some years off yet.

TrentCrimm · 15/01/2023 14:16

I expect I will want to help in many ways, but I wouldn't commit to regular childcare. It wouldn't be fair anyway, as life happens and things crop up

Bepis · 15/01/2023 14:16

I won't look after them while my kids work or anything. I would have them overnight occasionally but I would want my own time by that point.

shewolfsout · 15/01/2023 14:17

I'll always do everything I can for my kids, and that doesn't stop just because they cross an age threshold that is deemed 'adult' but I think I will not be in the economic situation to offer as much as I would like to, as regards childcare for grandkids some day.

fedupneighbours · 15/01/2023 14:17

Definitely, we are lucky to live close and have a lot of support from both sides. DD has such a strong relationship with both sets of grandparents it's so lovely to see.

Andsoforth · 15/01/2023 14:18

I wouldn’t be up for providing free childcare - I didn’t particularly enjoy that phase of motherhood myself.

I would like to be a traditional granny, spoil my gcs a bit, but have absolutely no responsibility for discipline or raising them up. My dv adore their granny because I’ve done all the hard stuff and she gets to be love personified.

A bit of babysitting and a listening ear but that’s about it.

LucyWhipple · 15/01/2023 14:19

Definitely. Not full time childcare or anything to that level but I will want to support them in the ways they will find most useful.

We’ve benefited massively from grandparents helping us - both with regular childcare from one set and a willingness to drop everything and care for the children when ill from the other. It has made our lives so much easier, I would want to offer similar to my dc if I can. I hope they’ll appreciate it (some of my friends take their parents utterly for granted).

faffadoodledo · 15/01/2023 14:19

If they crack on and have children then yes I will because I am fit and well. That said we don't live near to them so it would have to be in chunks of time rather than regularly. I'd like to help because neither my parents nor in laws helped us, and frankly I think they missed out! I'd LOVE to have some proper involvement in my (for now hypothetical) grandchildren if I'm allowed

TheOldLadyOfThreadneedleStreet · 15/01/2023 14:20

I’d like to be a proper grandparent to any grandchildren I’m lucky enough to have and imagine them staying regularly at my house overnight. But there are limits, I’m not sure I’d manage a difficult child, there’s no way I’d drive a long way regularly to facilitate that type of arrangement and I would have to be in reasonable health. Plus I don’t intend retiring until I’m I close to my 70s ( for financial reasons) so in reality it’s probably a pipe dream!

SmileWithADimple · 15/01/2023 14:21

Yes. I got help from my parents and I would love to help my children too. Financially, emotionally, with childcare - whatever seems appropriate. I'm hoping to retire at 60, by which time they'll be in their mid to late 20s, so it may be good timing as I imagine they'll maybe start thinking about having a family around then.

If they choose not to have kids - also fine. I just want to support them in whatever choices they make.

I will try not to intrude and be crazy mum/MIL, honest!

Bbq1 · 15/01/2023 14:21

Absolutely. As much as I can or as much as my ds and his future partner would want. As a parent, you support your dc lifelong in a variety of different ways. My mum and dad and il's were/are the best grand parents (and parents) that you could wish for and supported us so much and my mum still does.

stealthninjamum · 15/01/2023 14:21

I’d like to, I had amazing hands on grandparents and lots of happy childhood memories. I was disappointed when none of my dc’s grandparents ever babysat or offered to help. They are all retired and live a short drive away.

Blanketpolicy · 15/01/2023 14:22

I couldn't say, hand on heart, I know honestly until it happens, ds is only 18 and assuming he has his first child at the average 30ish I'll be mid to late 60s.

I will not help him out financially as he will (hopefully!) be an independent adult by that point. I will (again hopefully!) have done my bit as a parent and supported him through uni to give him the opportunity of following a career, and a small contribution to a house deposit.

Not sure if I would help him with a regular fixed childcare commitment as a replacement for paid childcare. I don't know what my health will be like at that stage, I'll hopefully be retired and my outlook on life and how I want to spend my time may be very different to what it is now.

I didn't expect or receive any support from my parents when I had ds and I think not expecting it from parents should be the starting point. If parents offer then it should be seen as a bonus.

MaverickGooseGoose · 15/01/2023 14:24

I intend to help in terms of babysitting, taking them out for the day etc but no to full day care while they are at work. Tbh I found it hard enough with my own when they were babies. I hated when I was a sham, don't want to go back to it!

Strawberry0909 · 15/01/2023 14:26

As long as I'm fit and well yes, and if finances allow I would give up a day or two for regular childcare if they wanted. Obviously depends on how close they live as well

My grandParents helped my parents regularly and my parents currently help us a lot with regular childcare as does FIL

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