Will you help your kids when they’re parents?

[prista]

When your kids become parents do you expect to help them out?
I will - I’m not going to give up 1-2 days a week for full on child care because I want to keep working, but I’ll help beyond that - babysitting and holidays (and weekends if they’re close) and if I can afford it I’ll give them financial help for childcare (assuming they need it).
But judging by a lot of the threads here about parents/pils maybe others don’t? Just curious!

I would feel exactly the same!

We have had next to no support from my parents or ils. It’s not a given and their choice but they have sat back and watched us struggle at times despite being able to help. I will never ever be like that if my dc have dc.
I could potentially be a grandma in my 40s or early 50s as I was a young mum. I have raised dc my whole adult life. I do have a good career too mind you so will probably be working still but I will give everything I can. I’m prepared to offer full time childcare, Weekends and holidays if that’s what my dc want and finances permit for me. I’d be prepared to give up work if I could afford it when the time comes. My dh is on the same page as he too has felt alone and disappointed at the relationship and care we have had for our own dc from our parents and wider family.

I'm a Nanny now to my DD's 2 sons. I live to far away to help with childcare on a regular basis. Instead I helped her pay nursery fees so she could go back to work after first dgs was 1 year. I also went to stay for a week when she went into labour to do cooking including batch cooking for freezer, cleaning and occupy first dgs. She was ill after birth.and not allowed out of hospital for 3 days so good job I got time off. I give dgs money for holiday so pending, bought their passports. When second dgs had Chickenpots I went down to stay for a week so DD could work. I filled up freezer with Bolognese, chilli, shepherd pies and stews. All put into old Chinese containers so portion sized. Also made a couple of apple pies and made a couple dozen cupcakes before I left. DD very happy. I also pay into their JISA's £25 each every month.

I will yes, as much or as little as they want me to, in whatever way they like.
I'm a Mum to three sons, and feel (from MN) that I'll be lucky for any scraps my DIL let's me have. Hopefully that won't be the case, I am very fortunate with my MIL.

I will not be doing childcare, absolutely not. I have no problem babysitting, helping out with finances if I can afford it, taking kids for a weekend if they want to go away but there is no chance on this earth I am giving up my time to offer full time childcare. I think any child that asks a parent to mind their children for free full time is taking the absolute piss.

I’d like to provide some help and support if I could as we’ve had so little ourselves that it’s been hurtful at times. We’ve never had any expectations but our children ( now teenagers) have noticed it as they’ve got older-other people’s grandparents take them out for occasional treats ; have them over for a sleepover( and spoiling!) during the summer holidays. My family, who live abroad, have made more effort than DH’s, who barely know their GC!

Anyway, I’d like to get to know any future GC. I wouldn’t want commit to significant daytime childcare to enable their parents to work unless it really was necessary and I could definitely cope (who knows what my health will be like in the future). I would facilitate their parents going out/having a weekend away though and be happy to have them stay during school holidays. Or I could babysit in their home if it’s easier.

I’m not sure about financial help-again, it’ll depend on my circumstances. I’d like to set up or contribute to savings accounts for my GC.

I hope so.

I will but on my terms so I don't know how welcome that would be. I have 3 kids I'd give them a days childcare each but no more than that. I wouldn't want the grandkids overnight unless their parents were staying over to look after them. I'd be happy to have them on odd days such as wedding anniversaries or valentines day.

I'm raising my own kids without help from anyone else. Dh and I make it work and my kids and their spouses will have to do the same. I'd like to enjoy my later years with my dh.

If circumstances allow and I'm mentally and physically capable, I hope to provide as much childcare as my children would like. I won't be working and I absolutely love spending time with small children. I'd really like a close relationship with my grandchildren (if I'm lucky enough to have any) and am making plans on that basis, for example, to keep a flat close enough to be on hand. However, I'm very aware that my children will have plans of their own. I'll be here if they need me.

I wouldn't want to provide regular childcare ... I am likely to be early 70s if/when I become a DGM and I wouldn't want the commitment (I may still be caring for a very elderly parent ). I doubt my DS would end up living near us anyway .. I really hope he would spread his wings.
But yes to babysitting if convenient, holidays (treating DGC - not combined holidays - too many horror stories) and financial support.

Yes, I’d do anything for my three children.

My eldest is 21. He will probably get the best of me as I’m 42. So hopefully if he has children and needs physical help with them, I’ll still be young enough to run round after them/look after them if I am wanted and needed to. I’d be happy to provide full time childcare.

My youngest was born when I was 40, so not sure how much physical help i’d be for her when she’s older, although dh is 6 years younger than me, so there’s that. (he’s not my eldest child’s father, just the younger two incase anyone is doing the maths 😄).

Money wise, I don’t have much but I’d give them the shirt off my back if they needed it.

If I can I will !

I AM a grandma now. And yes, I do exactly as you describe. And none of my kids take the piss.

Depends on so many factors - will I have to work full time? Will my health be okay? What will my stress levels be like? I've parented for the last 18 years with very little help and my youngest is only seven so I'm pretty sure I will want a little bit of me time by then however I think I will want to have a good supportive relationship with my grandkids

If I am able to then definitely, probably not a proper childcare arrangement but would help where I can.

I always find it really sad when people come on here and say how their healthy fit parents are not interested in any independent time with their grandkids at all. I don’t get the whole ‘they’ve had their time looking after children so want no part spending time with grandkids’

Hard to say honestly as I obviously have no idea if my DC (currently age 20 and 18 and both single) will have children in future, when this will be and what my employment status and health will be like at that point, and also where they will live.

I would like to think I will be keen to help out as and when I am needed with baby sitting and holiday childcare etc if I am able.

I don't envisage myself committing to regular childcare unless there was no other solution or they were really struggling financially so I would agree to helping out in short term but wouldn't want to do regular childcare on specific days on a longer term basis

I had very minimal family support when my DC were small and my parents didn't receive any support from my GPs when I was a child (although Mum was a SAHM so there wasn't any need for childcare) so I suppose I don't view it as the norm that GPS should be expected to provide childcare on a routine basis.

Yes .Look after grandchild overnight once a week to give my daughter a break .
Help out other days if there is a problem with illness but I try to ensure I have a couple of free days for myself where possible. I work three days .

Absolutely, as much as I'm able to and as much as they want me to! My parents are so close to my children, and I want the same for my relationship with my grandchildren if possible.

Growing up I had one grandparent I was really close to. She even lived with us for a few years. My grandparents on the other side I had a much more formal, much less close relationship with. There is no doubt in my mind as to which I want to be like.

Absolutely. I don't agree when dc put on to their parents too much to look after their dc, there is balance,. Grandparents need a break too as have already raised their dc anf they're older. We have had no help or support, I understand what it is like to struggle and need a break or time as a couple with no dc. I am hoping to be a fit and healthy grandparent who can have dc over night on occasion and baby sit when needed. I want to be there through the hard times.

Most definitely!

We have 3 children (9, 8 & 3) and neither set of Grandparent has ever asked to spend time with any of them. All of which are what I class as young (one set early 50's who live just under 1 hour away & the other set early 60's who live 10 minutes away).

Neither Grandparents has ever asked to spend time with our children or build any type of relationship or take on a day out or to the park etc. Not once. Absolutely zero interest.

If I'm lucky enough to be a Granny, I'd strive for a lovely close bond, hands on, regular babysitting but without being overbearing obviously. I'll be the best Granny I can be.

Would like to think so, but I was 36 when I had dd so if she also doesn’t have kids until late 30s/40s I would be nearly 80 myself….

I hope so. Probably not day to day childcare, as I will likely still be working unless they have kids very late and tbh I wouldn't want to be tied down too regimentally but I'd like to do what our parents have done which is to give ad hoc care for things like sleepovers, school holidays, child free holidays for DH and I. I have boys though so I may have a MN DIL who refuses sleepovers

I suppose it depends on what my life looks like if and when they come along.
At the moment we are in a financial position where I would be able to drop my hours at work and look after a GC for a day or two a week but who knows what will be the case in 10 years time?
I’ve benefitted enormously from a big family support network around me in terms of having babysitters, listening ears, a buddy to go for a walk with and share pushing the buggy and mil used to have my girls one day a week so I could catch up on any personal admin. It all contributed to absolutely loving bringing up my dc and I have really positive memories and associations with those early years.
I would really hope that I am in the position where I could offer this to my kids too when the time comes.

I 100% will, I highly doubt I’ll be retired so childcare will be a no but weekends, nights, hols, yes, just as my parents have.

My DC are 24 a and 28. I am 62 and still working full-time.

I have arthritis and back problems and whilst I put in 50hpw at a desk I don't think I could do the heavy lifting that babies and young dc need. So no, I wouldn't be prepared to give regular childcare.

I'd be happy to help in an emergency and to do occasional babysitting for special occasions. DH and I worked our socks off to give our children the best education and the best starts money could provide. We now expect our children to plan their lives and to be independent as we were.

Having said that I hope our DC will live not too far away so if dd or dil need to go to the Dr's, I can whizz over to help.